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Nursery’s comments about 3 year old’s lunchbox

489 replies

Fussyeating · 05/10/2023 09:38

DS is 3 and he recently started at a new nursery. DH and I work FT so he attends 4 full days a week 8-6. He previously attended a different nursery who were great in ways but utterly useless in others so we decided to find a new one to cover this academic year.

The issue we have with this nursery is their attitude to food and fussy eating. DS has always been a fussy eater, even as a small infant when he first started weaning. I have no idea why, older DS is not fussy at all and will eat just about anything without complaint. We didn’t do anything differently when we weaned him, we still offer him all the same foods we eat on a daily basis but he often just won’t touch them. He won’t eat pieces of fruit at all, he actually never has. We followed BLW with both DC but DS2 just rejected any form of fruit or veg unless the veg was disguised within a meal. He’s still the same now, he will only eat vegetables if they’re very well disguised within a meal such as chilli, curry, pasta bake etc.

With regards to fruit intake, the only way we can get him to consume any fruit of any sort is within snacks such as innocent smoothie cartons, bear yo-yos and Nakd bars. I appreciate none of this is ideal, I obviously wish he’d just eat a bowl of berries or whatever like DC1 does but this is all we can get him to accept fruit wise.

The nursery offers one set meal a day with no other selection. Initially we thought we’d try DS with their hot meals and see if maybe it broadened his horizons, perhaps he’d try something new when he saw all of the other children there eating it. What actually happened was he went the full day between breakfast at 7am and dinner when he got home just after 6pm without eating anything at all. The nursery didn’t attempt to offer him anything outside of their set meal such as plain toast like his previous nursery would have, they just essentially let him starve.

Suffice to say, we switched him over to a lunchbox after this. The issue is, the nursery staff keep commenting on the contents within his lunchbox. When DH drops him off, they actually open the lunchbox and will remove certain items and pass them to DH saying DS can’t eat them. Examples are as I mentioned previously- innocent smoothie cartons, bear yo-yos and oat bars. These items are on a very small list of lunchbox style items DS will actually willingly eat. They have said they don’t mind if he brings more packets of crisps and extra sandwiches but they don’t want him to bring ‘high sugar’ foods. The weird thing is, they offer the children dessert with their meal every single day and it’s things such as profiteroles or cake and custard so to offer that but have an issue with something like an oat bar seems bonkers to me! He also often returns home with items like that uneaten and I know he would eat them so I’m gathering they’re intentionally not opening them for him.

I ended up sending a long ranting email yesterday because I was pretty furious that they keep restricting his already quite restrictive diet. When he’s there for 10 hours and there’s an 11 hour gap between the meals he has at home, we need to make sure he’s eating adequately and isn’t going hungry. I’ve already enquired at different nurseries, however I do know FT slots in the area we live in are rare so the chances of us sourcing alternative childcare are slim. I’m just looking for advice really, what’s the best course of action here? Also, if anyone has any tips regarding fussy eating, I’d fully appreciate those!

OP posts:
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Ididivfama · 05/10/2023 20:40

I’m so sorry this sounds very difficult. Will he have plain bread or crackers? You can deal with all the fruit replacements at home and just give him savoury. I’d personally be quite unhappy with this nursery which I can see you are.

Have you considered a dietician btw? Or even speaking to gp? There may be something else going on so they can help you with this. Plus maybe they could write a note to nursery?

Ididivfama · 05/10/2023 20:42

direbollockal · 05/10/2023 19:37

It's an unpalatable truth. I don't know how society became so fucked up that someone at some point thought it was a good idea for small children to be away from their nests for 11 hours a day, 5 days a week.

Because we need to earn money to live. Yes it’s a shame and ideally both parents would only work part time. However that is not the reality. Let’s not shame the parents who are doing the best for their children and try to help with this thread.

Ididivfama · 05/10/2023 20:43

Athlebad · 05/10/2023 14:57

Gosh, I remember this sort of thing being an issue when my son was little - did my head in when you're actually providing healthy items.

I think I'd use the following argument with them: An innocent smoothie is essentially a handful of blended fruit, and so could be treated as a food item not a drink. (You could also send some water so you are providing a drink). A yo-yo bar is a handful of mashed up dried fruit. Organix oat bars also do not have added sugar or sweetener, they are only sweetened with fruit.

All of these should all be acceptable items in a small child's lunchbox IMO and I'd be taking the ingredients lists in to the nursery to discuss with them.

Fussy eating can be a result of neuro-diversity - autism, ADHD etc. (sensitivity to textures/flavours) and so I'd point this out to them in terms of them needing to be open and inclusive to additional needs rather than trying to impose a one-size-fits-all policy.

Good luck!

I’m also wondering about sensory issues

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PaperLanterns · 05/10/2023 20:51

Will they heat food for you? You could send in a portion of whatever was for dinner the night before?

stichguru · 05/10/2023 21:01

It's a very odd approach from nursery. I would expect a nursery to be flexible about what children eat, given how many little ones are very fussy, and even more, I'd expect them to be flexible with a child whose parents are very honest about the fact that he is extremely fussy, and are clearly working hard to try to give him a healthy diet despite his difficulties.

Ffion21 · 05/10/2023 21:02

Sit down and have a meeting with the nursery manager face to face

Nurselifex · 05/10/2023 21:07

Ask for a meeting with the nursery. I’m not sure why they are so concerned with what he’s eating, surely they should be happy that he is eating! It is important children learn healthy eating habits but he’s your child and it is your decision what he eats!

If you are struggling with healthy eating try and speak to your health visitor as they might have some advice for you

Thewolvesarerunningagain · 05/10/2023 21:07

As Lelophants said sometimes a child minder is a better option. We had similar issues and I do
wish we’d shifted to CM, not least as they often provide vital continuity in the transition to school (and having a CM who also did babysitting might have meant my DH and I had a date in the last 7 years - lol). If your DS is struggling at nursery with food it’s worth starting to think through the transition to school and how that can work.

if it is any comfort, it sounds to me like your DS is doing well and tackling a range of foods, just not a range of socially acceptable lunch at nursery!. Keep a perspective, your DS’ diet is varied, 3 is very young, and a calm approach to meals is more important overall than the nutritional content of any individual meal.

Onedayatattime · 05/10/2023 21:11

I'm going to be difficult here. At nursery age I tried to minimise my child's sugar intake. Of course he had desert at weekends. But I think if he'd have seen another kid drinking smoothie etc they teacher would've just heard lots of complaining, it's not fair. And then he'd probably refuse the carrots he previously ate.

I understand its different if they refuse fruit. I'd be doing similar and giving a smoothie but I think one would suffice right?

Can you just give him his fruit item like smoothie in the morning with breakfast and otherwise give him the rest of the lunch they permit? Maybe they let him have raisins anyway and work out what other options they allow. Maybe fruit long or such.

Bit ridiculous they won't offer toast though.

Rosieroo20 · 05/10/2023 21:12

I would be fuming.if you have a fussy eater there's not much you can do apart from giving them foods they will actually eat to let a child essentially starve because of a 'rule'is paramount to abuse.
And you pay to send your child.I can't get my head around the rules nursery's and schools have these days regarding what children have in their pack lunches.
My child attends a playschool and there are no restrictions.surely a child's sugar intake is a parents concern not theirs and if they won't eat anything else....
Also fruit has a lot of natural sugars which obviously isn't as bad but it's not great.
I would be insisting my child eats what has been packed and if they can't allow it considering the circumstances would be questioning what kind of staff the nursery has working there.they don't sound very understanding or compassionate.

Helengreggregson · 05/10/2023 21:18

@direbollockal i agree with what you are saying, children’s individual needs should always be taken into account at a childminder or a childcare facility. My childminder had very few toys and also probably had way above the recommended ratio of children to minders because it was the 90s and it wasn’t regulated the way it is now. We survived nonetheless. You keep mentioning “outside the nest “. We don’t all have the option of keeping our kids at home all the time. My child loves nursery and marches straight in the door without hesitation in the mornings. It’s not a perfect situation but what can you do.

MsProbably · 05/10/2023 21:24

Are dried fruits (dates, apricots, figs, raisins etc) similarly high in sugar / low in nutrition as yo-yos? My kids eat a fair amount eg with porridge and for snacks.

Songbird54321 · 05/10/2023 21:29

I feel for you op, I would absolutely make a fuss and insist they give him the food you’re sending in.
We had the whole ‘water only’ thing with school. My DD doesn’t like water. I am in my 3rd decade and still don’t like water. It wasn’t until she was off school with a uti because of her lack of fluid intake that they realised I wasn’t just giving in to her and she will genuinely make herself ill by not drinking if they continued demanding I send water in. Safe to say she takes her juice in now without issue.
You know your own child, it doesn’t sound like you’re just being lazy, so advocate for him.

Zanatdy · 05/10/2023 21:33

Well I’d ask the manager why he can’t have those items when there’s a lot more or same amount of sugar in profiteroles. Ridiculous

Frazzled83 · 05/10/2023 21:36

Not eating cous cous is massively sensible. He lost me at refusing profiteroles though.

momtoboys · 05/10/2023 21:38

ColleenDonaghy · 05/10/2023 10:07

That doesn't sound too bad at all, I thought he was much more restricted. Lunch of a sandwich, yoghurt and crisps (veggie straws?) would surely be fine. If he needs more filling up because of the long gap between meals then send some of the blueberry wheats with the milk separate and ask them to pour over?

Can you send him scrambled eggs and toast for mid day meal? Or just the shredded wheat that he can eat out of a container and a non-spill container of milk? I would just make whatever he will eat everyday. Poor lad can't go that long without eating. Good luck!

DoesGoodSculptures · 05/10/2023 21:38

It's not ideal but would he eat pastry? You can obviously adapt what you put in, for instance turnovers and pies, to make them savoury or sweet, and maybe even hide a few fruit or veg inside.

For instance something like this, as you say he likes chicken curry: https://www.bbcgoodfood.com/recipes/chicken-tikka-pasties

or perhaps something here you could adapt to suit his tastes: https://www.bbcgoodfood.com/recipes/collection/lunchbox-recipes

Chicken tikka pasties | BBC Good Food

Make these moreish pasties for a picnic. They’re easy to pack up and take with you, and inspired by the flavours of a chicken tikka slice

https://www.bbcgoodfood.com/recipes/chicken-tikka-pasties

GirlsAndPenguins · 05/10/2023 21:40

I see others have said it but I send my 3 year old in with a bento box (actually 2 🤦🏼‍♀️) so that she doesn’t have to unwrap things! I got them from smiggle as they fit in their double lunch box and are kiddy looking, nice easy clips to open.
I couldn’t agree more about the fact that they give dessert! Very annoying.
Mine goes to a school nursery (as of September) and the wrap around means she can be there from 7-6. Could you look at a school nursery from January?
Maybe at the school you wish to send him to as then there won’t be anymore moves.
Also mine does take yo-yos in her lunch box. Although mine will (and does) eat fresh fruit she would never eat a curry or pasta so I’m quite jealous 😂
The cake isn’t everyday, I like to mix it up!

Nursery’s comments about 3 year old’s lunchbox
WillowCraft · 05/10/2023 21:40

MsProbably · 05/10/2023 21:24

Are dried fruits (dates, apricots, figs, raisins etc) similarly high in sugar / low in nutrition as yo-yos? My kids eat a fair amount eg with porridge and for snacks.

Whole fruit is fine whether that be fresh or dried or tinned. It's when it has been juiced, puréed or otherwise processed to remove fibre that it becomes less healthy.

WillowCraft · 05/10/2023 21:41

GirlsAndPenguins · 05/10/2023 21:40

I see others have said it but I send my 3 year old in with a bento box (actually 2 🤦🏼‍♀️) so that she doesn’t have to unwrap things! I got them from smiggle as they fit in their double lunch box and are kiddy looking, nice easy clips to open.
I couldn’t agree more about the fact that they give dessert! Very annoying.
Mine goes to a school nursery (as of September) and the wrap around means she can be there from 7-6. Could you look at a school nursery from January?
Maybe at the school you wish to send him to as then there won’t be anymore moves.
Also mine does take yo-yos in her lunch box. Although mine will (and does) eat fresh fruit she would never eat a curry or pasta so I’m quite jealous 😂
The cake isn’t everyday, I like to mix it up!

Wow.. my 2 year old gets a ham sandwich, a chopped up apple and a chocolate bar. That lunch must cost a fortune and take ages to prepare!

PortalooSunset · 05/10/2023 21:43

Massively impractical suggestion - could you/dh pick him up at lunch time, feed him the contraband lunch in the car then send him back?

Would otherwise be on the lookout for a new nursery, as well as trying some of the other meal suggestions on the thread. Most primary schools aren't going to look favourably on what he's having at the moment either.

Baba197 · 05/10/2023 21:48

Would he eat a hot meal in thermos? One of his dinner type meals? If not pack extra sandwiches /cheese, fromage frais and ask that he has some at snack time if won’t eat the fruit, they shouldn’t be letting him go all day with just lunch and I’d be speaking to the manager about it. Leave out the smoothie/bear fruit for now. Water is fairly standard for most places now but if he won’t drink it then they should allow it as he shouldn’t be allowed to go without. Personally I would be making a lot of fuss over it, I work in a preschool and lots of children bring in unhealthy food which we aren’t happy about but it’s never been taken away from them- it’s the parents choice!!

Caterpillarsleftfoot · 05/10/2023 21:49

You are pandering to him and reinforcing bad habits.

WillowCraft · 05/10/2023 21:49

I'm surprised they only offer one meal a day. Most private day nurseries offer 3 meals between 8 and 5, plus snacks. Young children get hangry very easily, there must be a lot of unhappy children in that nursery between about 10.30 and lunch time and again between 2.30 and home time!

Also they should be offering toast or a biscuit or something the child will eat. Do you definitely know that your child ate nothing the whole day and wasn't offered an alternative to the chicken couscous meal? If you are certain then you should make a formal complaint and report them to Ofsted.