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Original poster

I'm stuck on a boat and I need a poo

297 replies

Onaboat7 · 30/09/2023 15:42

Genuinely. I've nc for this 😳
I'm on my friends boat and the etiquette is to just have a wee, but I've been told the poo procedure and I....just.....can't

OP posts:
Jerseygirl2023 · 30/09/2023 16:35

This is obviously in reply to the tampon comment! Don’t know why it didn’t quote

ApolloandDaphne · 30/09/2023 16:35

Do it in a tissue then chuck it overboard.

BreatheAndFocus · 30/09/2023 16:35

Just get off the boat and find a public toilet. Say you needed to buy a birthday card/a present for him/a battery/a bottle of wine, etc etc, if he asks. Not that he would if he’s gone somewhere with a dingy. You’re hardly in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean!

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TheMurderousGoose · 30/09/2023 16:35

Sallyh87 · 30/09/2023 16:34

How many are on the boat? Just do it and deny. It will be like an Agatha Christie and all the suspects are stuck on a boat!

with a depooment rather than a denouement

airfresh123 · 30/09/2023 16:36

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

TennisShy · 30/09/2023 16:36

This reply has been withdrawn

The OP has privacy concerns and so we've agreed to take this down.

Gnomegnomegnome · 30/09/2023 16:36

Are you being held hostage? Blink once for yes, twice for no.

NewKidOnTheBloch · 30/09/2023 16:36

You still sitting not shitting on the boat op?
Is there a reason you didn't just get off and find a loo like most grown ups would? Cause it's a fun thread but would start to smell a bit like bullshit if you don't have a good reason for staying put! 😆

Gnomegnomegnome · 30/09/2023 16:37

Btw, always carry nappy bags.

Rachaelrachael · 30/09/2023 16:38

Cartrouble1 · 30/09/2023 16:18

I don't even need a poo, but I'm considering going for one now, just because I can...

😂😂😂😂😂😂

SaltedCaramelIcedLatte · 30/09/2023 16:38

What is he going to do with the poo when you hand it to him?

Hellofromtheotherslide · 30/09/2023 16:39

Does anyone else remember that advert that was shown on Tarrent on TV or something where a woman needs a shit at her boyfriend's house but then it doesn't flush, so she wraps it in tissue paper and puts it in her handbag and then someone mugs her? They steal her handbag and after a while they open it to see the contents of the bag just to unravel a giant turd! The memories 🤣

QueSyrahSyrah · 30/09/2023 16:39

FFS OP, just get off the boat and leave if you can't possibly follow 'the procedure'.

Marina toilets, a nearby pub, a petrol station, the woods, whatever. That's probably where he's gone in his dinghy.

Why on earth are you on a ropey old boat with a virtual stranger anyway. Is this a date?

JellyBeanFactory · 30/09/2023 16:40

Have you beeeeeen yet?

ifuckinghateithere · 30/09/2023 16:40

OP I feel like this guy is trying, in a very convoluted way, to share his scat fetish with you. He's testing you to see will you actually follow his instructions.

This isn't normal for boat people. I guess unless they're also scat people.

So I think you should leave.

viques · 30/09/2023 16:40

This thread reminds me of the time my belly started griping just as our London Eye pod left the docking area and we slowly ascended into the sky………..

(I hung on and would have beaten Usain Bolt in my mad dash to MacDonalds)

RoseBucket · 30/09/2023 16:40

The gel stain removal advert on this thread 😬

butterpuffed · 30/09/2023 16:41

An MNer didn't know what to do
Was adrift and needed a poo
On the floor of the boat
Where she'd thrown her old coat
Used the pocket but didn't tell the crew

QueSyrahSyrah · 30/09/2023 16:41

Hellofromtheotherslide · 30/09/2023 16:39

Does anyone else remember that advert that was shown on Tarrent on TV or something where a woman needs a shit at her boyfriend's house but then it doesn't flush, so she wraps it in tissue paper and puts it in her handbag and then someone mugs her? They steal her handbag and after a while they open it to see the contents of the bag just to unravel a giant turd! The memories 🤣

The OP, in an hours time...

TheMurderousGoose · 30/09/2023 16:42

Hellofromtheotherslide · 30/09/2023 16:39

Does anyone else remember that advert that was shown on Tarrent on TV or something where a woman needs a shit at her boyfriend's house but then it doesn't flush, so she wraps it in tissue paper and puts it in her handbag and then someone mugs her? They steal her handbag and after a while they open it to see the contents of the bag just to unravel a giant turd! The memories 🤣

I don't remember that but there was a photo doing the rounds on SM a few years ago of a girl who was on a date at a new boyfriend's house, did a poo, and rather than flush down the toilet it threw it out the window (!) but it landed between two panes of glass.

SpamFritata · 30/09/2023 16:43

Twospaniels · 30/09/2023 16:33

Ha Ha
Not true!
We have a boat with a loo, we do everything we need to in it. It goes into a large tank and every so often (it has a gauge) we go to the pump out station, connect a hose and it sucks all the contents of the tank out and into a large septic tank which is then emptied by a tanker lorry whenever it needs it.

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Well, it is true because that's what happened the many times I've been sailing, both in the UK and abroad, in friends' boats and on holiday charter boats. But if you can arrange a sucking off by the poo tanker guy, marvellous.

booksandbeans · 30/09/2023 16:43

You are at a marina - it will have standard loos which can handle the standard procedure. There is always a pub\bar in or near a marine - is that an option?

SurprisedWithAHorse · 30/09/2023 16:44

Onaboat7 · 30/09/2023 16:16

To do it, tell him and hand him the poo

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Well stick a ribbon on it at least.

ohdamnitjanet · 30/09/2023 16:44

WinterDeWinter · 30/09/2023 16:19

There's only one thing worse than shitting on a boat and that's shitting your pants on a boat

Ain’t this the truth

ifuckinghateithere · 30/09/2023 16:45

But if you can arrange a sucking off by the poo tanker guy, marvellous.

Grin