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Original poster

I'm stuck on a boat and I need a poo

297 replies

Onaboat7 · 30/09/2023 15:42

Genuinely. I've nc for this 😳
I'm on my friends boat and the etiquette is to just have a wee, but I've been told the poo procedure and I....just.....can't

OP posts:
WinterDeWinter · 30/09/2023 16:18

NewKidOnTheBloch · 30/09/2023 16:18

Honestly, get out and leave and go and find a loo. Ask someone at the marina to point you in the right direction. Then I'd be questioning how much more time to spend on a boat without basic facilities and owned by someone I hardly know who has buggered off anyway.

actually this is much more sensible

soxthecat22 · 30/09/2023 16:18

Poo in a bag and put it in your handbag???

thiswasabadone · 30/09/2023 16:18

Just do it

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Applescruffle · 30/09/2023 16:19

OP there is absolutely no way I wpuld follow through (pardon the pun) with that poo procedure. I just COULD NOT. This is a totally unreasonable thing to ask if a guest!!
I would leave. I would just leave the boat.

WinterDeWinter · 30/09/2023 16:19

There's only one thing worse than shitting on a boat and that's shitting your pants on a boat

User174085934 · 30/09/2023 16:20

He must supply bags for this as unsuspecting guests won't have any though

CharlotteStreetW1 · 30/09/2023 16:20

In my defence, this was about 25 years ago when we were still under the misapprehension that they were flushable.

In terms of where they went if flushed on land, they were never seen (by me and my friends) again.

DragonDoor · 30/09/2023 16:20

So all that is needed is a brief interaction? I thought you would have to hang overboard or something 😂

LargeglassofRosePlease · 30/09/2023 16:20

liveforsummer · 30/09/2023 15:47

Can you get off? Find a wooded spot and dig a hole 😬

I was thinking about that.

Perhaps say you feel sick.. get them to moor up on the bank ( that’s if you’re on a canal or a river) and go into the bushes. Say you need dry land and do it in the bushes…

Applescruffle · 30/09/2023 16:20

I do beleive this is the truest thing I've ever read on MN

FrontEnd · 30/09/2023 16:20

All the poo bag suggestions 😂

Gnomegnomegnome · 30/09/2023 16:20

Why do you have to hand him the poo? Is he the poo police?

SoLongAndThanksForAllTheVaricoseVeins · 30/09/2023 16:21

Just get off, and ask someone on the marina where the nearest loos are.

Daftasabroom · 30/09/2023 16:21

Onaboat7 · 30/09/2023 16:17

I can't, I just can't. This is a nightmare.

Assuming you're on a pontoon ask for the code to marina toilets block, and go there.

SnowflakeCity · 30/09/2023 16:21

Get off the boat, find a toilet or a secluded spot. If he comes back when you were gone tell you went for a walk to stretch your legs.

MolkosTeenageAngst · 30/09/2023 16:21

If the procedure is to po and hand the poo to him does that mean you have to go in a bag? If you really can’t hand it to him you’ll have to just go in the bag, hide it in your handbag and make your excuses to leave asap. Or if you can wait a bit longer make your excuses to leave, you made this thread 40 minutes ago if you’d just made your excuses and left the marina instead of posting about it you could surely have found somewhere to poo privately by now.

dontgobaconmyheart · 30/09/2023 16:21

Why can't you just alight the boat then, if you are in a Marina? It's hardly as if you are out at sea for days on end with no berthing in sight.

I get that needing the toilet is uncomfortable but I'm not sure I get the drama, you're not hostage and you aren't on the middle of the ocean. Needing to use the lavatory is hardly that embarrassing. Surely you can just a)leave or b) wait for his return and say "I'm not comfortable with the toilet options on here but would quite like to use a bathroom so am going to the nearest toilet/shop/restaurant etc - back soon/can you drive me etc

uncomfortablydumb53 · 30/09/2023 16:21

Just get off the boat and go into the marina surely
I thought you meant you were at sea!
Everybody poos and you can't always predict when you need too
If you have children, you should be used to this sort of situation!

WhileMyDishwasherGentlyWeeps · 30/09/2023 16:22

What? Captain Turd-Happy wants his passengers to hand him their shit? Really?

I’d just shit over the side.

User174085934 · 30/09/2023 16:22

Does the marina have a pub or cafe, they might have toilets

liveforsummer · 30/09/2023 16:23

Why are you on a ropey old boat in a facility less marina with someone you don't know?. Sounds like a plot for a thriller or crime drama 😬. Still going with the option of going for a 'walk' and finding a secluded spot.

ohpoowhatnow · 30/09/2023 16:23

Poo in a plastic bag, tie it up and weigh it down and throw it over board

TheMurderousGoose · 30/09/2023 16:24

hand him the poo?

climb up the crow's nest and aim your bum at him.

SpamFritata · 30/09/2023 16:24

If you are 'parked' in a marina the etiquette is generally not to poo in the loo onboard because it gets pumped into the water and the parked up boats end up bobbing around in turds. So marinas have loos which boaty people use for 'number twos'. I've never been to a marina which doesn't have loos. I have no idea what the 'poo procedure' is otherwise. If you are out at sea you just 'dump and pump'.

jazzyfips · 30/09/2023 16:25

SpamFritata · 30/09/2023 16:24

If you are 'parked' in a marina the etiquette is generally not to poo in the loo onboard because it gets pumped into the water and the parked up boats end up bobbing around in turds. So marinas have loos which boaty people use for 'number twos'. I've never been to a marina which doesn't have loos. I have no idea what the 'poo procedure' is otherwise. If you are out at sea you just 'dump and pump'.

Yep, never been to a marina that didn’t have a toilet.

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