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Original poster

In-laws came to meet our newborn without a gift

333 replies

Freyaz · 26/09/2023 13:46

We had our second baby last week, our first is 3. The in-laws hadn’t asked while I was pregnant if there was anything we needed, they’d barely even mentioned the fact we were having another baby actually. They arrived to meet our newborn the other day and didn’t bring anything. They didn’t even bring our daughter anything either when almost everyone who had been to visit had brought her something too. It’s not about the presents and people have been far too generous but it was just the fact they hadn’t made any effort.

When I was telling my mum she asked if they’d brought flowers or something but they hadn’t, just showed up empty handed. If it was a financial thing I would understand it but they have plenty of money. It just felt like they hadn’t bothered when every other distant relative, friend etc had 🤔 Am I wrong in thinking they should have brought at least something?

OP posts:
Tourmalines · 01/10/2023 21:57

Santina · 01/10/2023 19:46

@RedAndWhiteCarnations 😂 get a grip, it was a couple of outfits for every stage of growth, some mix a match outfits for when they got older, it's hardly robbing the parents of anything. My son was more than grateful, unfortunately his partner isn't. She doesn't let them have anything any one else has bought, it all has to come from her. I just don't understand the controlling nature of parents today, with their bazaar ideas and smothering way they bring their children up.

Well said .

whatausername · 01/10/2023 22:15

Your attitude is entitled and will only cause resentment and ill-feeling. Have you nothing bigger to fuss over?

Mothership4two · 02/10/2023 02:57

Mummasals · 01/10/2023 20:38

Christ on a bike, Mumsnet at its finest, and all directed at someone who’s presumably a few days postpartum and going through the hormonal rollercoaster and is seeking guidance as to whether her upset is unreasonable or not so she’s clearly aware that she might not be being as reasonable as usual.

I cant imagine turning up without at least a card (I have kept all of my children’s new baby cards) and would usually take a few meals that can be reheated, maybe an outfit for the baby etc. life isn’t about gifts but sometimes a gift is the norm!

Well said.

Several accusations of greediness/grabbiness as well as a few smug-sounding "it would never occur to ME to even expect anything I'M just so grateful for their presence" posts.🙄Despite OP saying it was not about the present but the fact they hadn’t made any effort and that to her it is normal and usual to bring something (as it is to many on this thread) so they particularly stood out (along with their perceived general disinterest)

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Families
Mothership4two · 02/10/2023 03:00

@whatausername

Have you nothing bigger to fuss over?

You think her relationship with her PIL's is trivial?

Santina · 02/10/2023 10:14

@RedAndWhiteCarnations you clearly don't understand how many clothes, bibs, blankets children get through.🙄You sound just like my DIL........

Everyone on MN is always right with their own comment, especially with the dreaded MIL comments. We sadly live in a world where people are brave on social media, how many of the DIL's actually make these comments face to face to their MIL.

Missmillymollymandy · 02/10/2023 10:40

When I first saw baby GS in hospital he was just a few hours old, so arrived empty handed. When we saw him again in their tiny flat the next day it was stuffed with balloons, banners, cards, flowers and chocolates.(Fridge was empty apart from bubbly and chocolate)

We had bought the pram / travel system weeks earlier and I began to provide home made meals in the weeks that followed.
We try to be practical in our gifting and support and are happy to leave the “wow factor “ to others who do it better.
Never occurred to me that we would be perceived as mean until I read this thread.

SirChenjins · 02/10/2023 14:54

But that’s nothing like the OP @Missmillymollymandy - her PIL have done none of that for either of their babies.

Xmasgifts · 02/10/2023 19:16

YANBU. My ILs bought expensive traditional gifts for my DS when born, handmade items for him and bought flowers on the day. When my DD was born…nada. I find it insulting to my DD rather than me to be honest and at best very thoughtless and at worst very sexist/unbalanced.

Xmasgifts · 02/10/2023 19:18

@Missmillymollymandy I think that’s very different to OP’s scenario

Blondebrunette1 · 02/10/2023 21:44

I might quietly think they're a bit tight as grandparents (purely because my parents are so generous) but the people commenting you'd expect cards and gifts off colleagues and friends and that it's just manners-no way would I expect and I think it's really bad manners to be so grabby.

Back to OP, If they buy for their other grandchildren or daughter in law's I'd think it was off but if they're just not that way then it's no real issue??!

CM1897 · 03/10/2023 17:41

Freyaz · 26/09/2023 13:46

We had our second baby last week, our first is 3. The in-laws hadn’t asked while I was pregnant if there was anything we needed, they’d barely even mentioned the fact we were having another baby actually. They arrived to meet our newborn the other day and didn’t bring anything. They didn’t even bring our daughter anything either when almost everyone who had been to visit had brought her something too. It’s not about the presents and people have been far too generous but it was just the fact they hadn’t made any effort.

When I was telling my mum she asked if they’d brought flowers or something but they hadn’t, just showed up empty handed. If it was a financial thing I would understand it but they have plenty of money. It just felt like they hadn’t bothered when every other distant relative, friend etc had 🤔 Am I wrong in thinking they should have brought at least something?

It’s a bit presumptuous to expect a gift from everyone. They probably have a lot of money because they limit their spending, that’s their business. It’s not their baby, so technically they don’t have to buy anything

321user123 · 03/10/2023 18:23

OP I would ignore anyone telling you you’re grabby.

I see where you’re coming from, it’s the principle.

they didn’t need to spend £200 but a Fredo choc for your older one and £3 Tesco flowers would have been enough.
its just the lack of thought about baby or you or even your first born.

SamJL474 · 03/10/2023 19:28

Tribevibes · 26/09/2023 14:12

@HundredMilesAnHour

OP meant they didn’t bring a gift when the first baby was born. Can people not read.

Anyway OP you’ll get everyone on here saying you’re grabby etc but honestly you’re not. It’s the thought that counts and I doubt you’re sitting there demanding luxurious presents for your baby.

Still a 69p card wouldn’t have gone amiss and some thought involved but never mind I guess you won’t need to return the favour on anything for them in the future😜.

I would never pop round to see a new baby without a card and a little gift. Super embarrassing.

Where does it say they never brought a gift for first baby? What the poster wrote is they didn’t bring a gift for the 3 year old and the baby!

Truthbomb · 03/10/2023 19:57

My mum didn’t buy me a present for either of my children but was an emotional rock for me and a helping hand whenever I needed. This meant so much more to me than a present.

Mamagill67 · 03/10/2023 21:11

It’s a bit odd but is that how they are normally? My MIL wouldn’t even acknowledge her great grandson because he made her feel old……she was 76 at the time

Proudbitch · 03/10/2023 22:40

Mumsnet has really shown me the big cultural differences that exist!! I think the
majority are English white families.

Happy to be corrected if I’m wrong!

emziecy · 04/10/2023 02:01

I really don't understand your comment about visitors being 'entitled'. If anyone is 'entitled' in this scenario its the OP for expecting gifts for reproducing again and whining on social media about not getting gifts 🤷🏼‍♀️🙄

Harperhan · 04/10/2023 08:57

You are the one who is wrong here. You shouldn’t ever expect gifts from anyone.

Harperhan · 04/10/2023 09:00

TulipsTulip · 26/09/2023 13:48

Don’t be so greedy!

They’re grandparents, not the three kings.

This just made me LOL. It totally sums this situation up.

EverythingYouDoIsaBalloon · 04/10/2023 10:09

Harperhan · 04/10/2023 08:57

You are the one who is wrong here. You shouldn’t ever expect gifts from anyone.

I couldn't agree more. The posts rushing to OP's defence are depressing me. How materialistic and entitled so many people are these days.

Tigermearns · 04/10/2023 11:19

Noticed you mention and then they just vanish. How many of their own kids do they have ? Is it just your partner? Sounds like they don't really do children. They make sure they've got a pic to announce how proud a grandparent they are for the outside world but beyond that, sounds like they don't actually like kids that much??

whatnot929 · 04/10/2023 11:21

EverythingYouDoIsaBalloon · 04/10/2023 10:09

I couldn't agree more. The posts rushing to OP's defence are depressing me. How materialistic and entitled so many people are these days.

Show quote history

What balls! "These days"? It has ALWAYS been the etiquette to bring a gift for a new baby.
Your granny, and her granny, would be ashamed of you.

Mothership4two · 04/10/2023 11:29

Harperhan · 04/10/2023 08:57

You are the one who is wrong here. You shouldn’t ever expect gifts from anyone.

Isn't that what baby showers are all about?

There are loads of MN posts about getting new born baby gifts

Blueflower1612 · 04/10/2023 12:48

I don’t think it’s being greedy to expect your in laws to bring a gift. I would always bring a gift and i think it’s rude of them no to. It’s not about the money arty value. It’s about thoughtful and considerate. For those saying they turned up and that should be enough, to me just turning up to visit actually takes very little effort.

Blueflower1612 · 04/10/2023 12:50

It’s common courtesy to bring a gift. Honestly I am genuinely surprised by all these people who think it’s ok to turn up empty handed