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Original poster

In-laws came to meet our newborn without a gift

333 replies

Freyaz · 26/09/2023 13:46

We had our second baby last week, our first is 3. The in-laws hadn’t asked while I was pregnant if there was anything we needed, they’d barely even mentioned the fact we were having another baby actually. They arrived to meet our newborn the other day and didn’t bring anything. They didn’t even bring our daughter anything either when almost everyone who had been to visit had brought her something too. It’s not about the presents and people have been far too generous but it was just the fact they hadn’t made any effort.

When I was telling my mum she asked if they’d brought flowers or something but they hadn’t, just showed up empty handed. If it was a financial thing I would understand it but they have plenty of money. It just felt like they hadn’t bothered when every other distant relative, friend etc had 🤔 Am I wrong in thinking they should have brought at least something?

OP posts:
Alargeoneplease89 · 27/09/2023 19:15

Alot of weird people on MN, it's a social norm to take something. Maybe it's why they are wealthy, they never spend anything or they get their social ques from MN😂

MoonShinesBright · 27/09/2023 19:15

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

LifesTooShortForYourNonsense · 27/09/2023 19:18

OMG YABVVU

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Families
rasellagirl · 27/09/2023 19:19

LOL at the three kings

Differentstarts · 27/09/2023 19:20

Yabu I was always greatful for any gifts but I honestly don't think I would notice if anybody didn't bring a gift it wasn't expected

Winnipeggy · 27/09/2023 19:20

If this is what you're concerned about most when you're dealing with a newborn I'd say you're doing ok. You can't say 'it's not about the presents' when they've come to see the baby. What is it about then? Surely them visiting is the point?

SirChenjins · 27/09/2023 19:21

Why do people keep repeating ‘they visited, be grateful’ - have they not read all the OP’s posts? The PIL have been completely disinterested up until the photo op, did nothing to help during the visit, then buggered off.

Yeah, so much to be grateful for 🙄

whenindoubtgotothelibrary · 27/09/2023 19:23

I don't think you're being unreasonable or grabby. It's a bit weird to come and see a new baby without bringing a little gift or even just a card. Even weirder if it's your grandchild. It's just what you do.

Lovely13 · 27/09/2023 19:26

Maybe they know that new parents don’t need to end up with a mountain of teddies, plastic toys, baby-gros, cut flowers that need attention. At least they came to visit. Focus on that.

SnozPoz · 27/09/2023 19:30

What a horrible thing to focus on... they came to see the baby and you. How lovely that you have them and they are around still. Yeah you're being really grabby. Maybe they have other plans for a gift, maybe they were just excited to see the baby and felt that as number two you don't actually need anything right now but might need something specific later.

BettyBallerina · 27/09/2023 19:40

The whole thing is just sad. A lovely new baby and all you can think about is the fact that they didn’t bring presents. The relatives only bothering to visit anyway for social media photos. Priorities wrong everywhere.

griegwithhimandhim · 27/09/2023 19:47

Alargeoneplease89 · 27/09/2023 19:15

Alot of weird people on MN, it's a social norm to take something. Maybe it's why they are wealthy, they never spend anything or they get their social ques from MN😂

Yeah, tight-fisted bastards. 😂

Shouldistayorshouldi · 27/09/2023 19:52

Yanbu. I wouldn’t dare! Just because you can turn up empty handed doesn’t mean you should.

everyone will say grabby greedy etc etc because mumsnet seems to love to challenge the social norm of things. But it is unusual, rude, tight and embarrassing to turn up empty handed let alone a grandchild.

Ilovesunshine22 · 27/09/2023 19:53

Did they not even being a card? Cards are so special and such a nice keepsake if they didnt bring a card then i would be a bit upset.

BooneyBeautiful · 27/09/2023 19:56

Justletpeopleenjoythings · 26/09/2023 14:02

This wouldn't even register with me.

This.

Susuwatariandkodama · 27/09/2023 20:07

YABU, I never even thought about gifts, the whole point of family visiting is to meet the baby!

sumayyah · 27/09/2023 20:08

Well they turned up to meet baby, better than nothing
Paternal grandparents didn't see my son until he was 18 months old
They would arrange to visit then cancel saying they were too busy, they were going to visit friends instead etc

The important element is meeting baby and making sure your all ok, which they have done. Anything else is a bonus

EverythingYouDoIsaBalloon · 27/09/2023 20:09

everyone will say grabby greedy etc etc because mumsnet seems to love to challenge the social norm of things.

Or maybe because it is grabby and greedy.

Gemma2003 · 27/09/2023 20:12

It would not occur to me to expect something. My family would not even think of it - they would not see the point of spending on something we did not need for the sake of it. Don't take it personally.

Zwellers · 27/09/2023 20:15

You sound grabby. Also why should your older child get a gift?.

AngelDelight1234 · 27/09/2023 20:18

Gosh I never gave it a second thought, people didn’t bring me gifts with the second that I remember as lots of items we had for the first and I was just pleased to see them. I do remember acknowledging it was different from the first on that front though.

FlipFlop1987 · 27/09/2023 20:18

I think it’s weird that after the first DGP would decide not to bother anymore, don’t they all get treat the same. My DP bought the coming home outfit for both my baby’s, gets premium bonds in their new name and asked if there’s anything they can contribute towards. My DM also helps us decorate the nursery. This has been the same for both. More than anything the help day to day is invaluable.

My in laws ask once if we need anything but in all honesty we wouldn’t volunteer anything, feels like they ask out of courtesy. They’ll turn up with an extortinate silver money box, identical to the one they got DD1 and think they’re marvellous and then disappear for a few months.

MMAS · 27/09/2023 20:30

Surely your husband is the one to answer this not a whole load of strangers. If he's happy they turned up without one then let it be. Not everything is about presents - kindness and love is what matters most.

FOTTFSOFTFOASM · 27/09/2023 20:32

TulipsTulip · 26/09/2023 13:48

Don’t be so greedy!

They’re grandparents, not the three kings.

This tickled me.

MamaSharkDooDooDooDooDooDooo · 27/09/2023 20:36

YABU. I've only just realised my in laws didn't bring presents when my children were born. And the only reason I thought about it was because of your post. My youngest is now 5 and it never occurred to me. I'd never expect anything. It meant more to me that they were there to see the baby and me. A present is a nice gesture but it's not necessary and definitely not required. Presence, not presents