Things girls need to be taught as soon as possible.

[Gettingbysomehow]

I'm sure this has been done before but:

Men are just ordinary people, they aren't going to rescue you, be your soul mate or necessarily be around for ever, they are not princes from fairy stories so don't live your life waiting for that fairy tale marriage.

Fairy tales don't exist, neither do happy ever afters, romance forever or any of those other things we are fed from a young age.

Never rely on a man, get a career, be ambitious.

Don't have more children than you can comfortably afford to raise on your own.

If you are very lucky you may get a nice man who you can rub along with for the rest of your life but 50% plus of marriages don't last.

Be selfish. Don't sacrifice your hopes and dreams for someone else, be who you want to be. Have boundaries. Have self respect. Don't allow yourself to be treated badly or taken for granted.

Learn how to manage your own life, bills, finances, everything.

The only person you can truly rely on is yourself.

Be happy, do things that make you happy.

Remember that you can change direction at any time and there’s a way to get into most areas if you try hard enough. And don’t be afraid to take a chance and leave somewhere you really feel you can’t be happy long term.
Always use spf.

I must say I agree with this, much as it pains me, given it’s 2023 and we really should have moved on as a society. But omg, the stories you read on here! Time and again women getting shafted because they trusted/expected a man to step up, and had not protected themselves in case he didn’t.

Do the people being outraged and what about the boys here genuinely think that the playing field is completely level and that girls are not subject to enormous amounts of incredibly destructive societal pressure that leads them down damaging paths if they are not given tools to resist?

The most promising intelligent and confident women have ended up as housewives.

I take issue with this.

Maybe they chose this. Enjoy it and see it as valuable.

And you can be an intelligent housewife .

"intelligent and confident women who are now trapped with children"
What a horrible thing to say.
My daughter is autistic so she is hard work to take care of. I don't work (in a paid job obviously I mean) because I am her carer.
But I am not in any way "trapped" because of that. I actually use my intelligence for things other than a career and actually became more confident by becoming a parent.

Do the people being outraged and what about the boys ....

Outraged about what?

"Kids don't do.what you say, they do what you do"
Be the best example you can be, show them what a healthy relationship looks like, and if you are a lone parent like myself show them how to thrive on your own.

I agree with this, in fact seeing a 'housewife' as some sort of failing is in itself quite a misogynistic view.

Perhaps the promising intelligent confident women have the best partners? Ones that value them as equals, so they have the luxury of choice to do what they want with their lives. I wouldn't pity them, in fact I would say they are lucky.

I'm seeing this 'realizing marriage isn't a fairy tale', 'girls/women need to know marriage isn't a fairy tale' a lot lately. I think that's selling women short. I definitely didn't grow up with that and regardless of sex, if you think marriage is a fairy tale, you're not mature enough to get married. Marriage is a commitment, a contract, a relationship with responsibilities that needs to be continuously worked on together. Disney rarely shows marriage, they mostly show weddings. Those aren't the same.

My kids all know that I view marrying their father as the best choice I've ever made, and that that choice involved us having a lot conversations around worldviews and what we wanted in life. Even though most of what we planned didn't work out, we had developed the communication, the ability to compromise, and checked we could get on the same page with our values first before living together beyond a holiday together or marriage was on the table. They know we're constantly working together and adapting to the changes of life & that's how marriage works.

And yeah, I've been a housewife. My husband's been a SAHD. The idea we were 'stuck' in these positions or 'stuck' with our kids is just...not a viewpoint I can understand.

Also: 50% plus of marriages don't last. isn't true, that stat usually comes from certain slants on US data. In UK stats, we're closer to 41% divorced by the 25th anniversary when including all marriages. It's significantly lower for first time marriages, especially those that happen with people in their mid to late twenties & early thirties, and the 41% includes bulge effects that happen when there is a significant change to divorce law. If we look at length of UK marriages, whether ending in death or divorce, the average marriage lasts 40 years. I wouldn't call that 'not lasting'.

get a career, be ambitious. Why is ambition being connected to career? I also find this kinda funny since jobs are even less likely to 'last' than marriages, have an inherent power imbalance and can easily lead to being treated badly and taken for granted, and can leave you without means just as if not far more easily than a partner.

I have two kids in the workforce, and I make sure they know to choose work carefully with their needs and lifestyle they want in mind, that their boss is not their friend, and not to put their whole sense of self in career. I 'lost' my career at 28, medically out of the game. I didn't lose my ambition or self because I never put my sense of self into the career. So many other things in life. I'm more ambitious about my relationships than my work, my work is just one way I can contribute to the world wider than myself. I teach my kids to consider what ways they can and want to contribute.

I also teach mine that independence is a myth. Just being online means you're relying on dozens of people to do what you want. Walking down a well tended path means you probably are benefitting from other people's work. You build the skills you want to enjoy yourself and share with others, and appreciate the skills and work others have done. We grow together and we only survive with each other.

@sunglassesonthetable "Outraged about what?"

Outraged about the points the OP makes.

What a great post.

The idea of “the one” is a romantic fallacy.

I find your post really depressing. Children, both sons and daughters need to be nurtured. They need pride in their abilities, skills and qualities whatever they may be and at whatever level. From that self worth they will be able to make lasting friendships and have faith in their own judgement of others. Yes, sometimes mistakes are made and you are disappointed, but I think self reliance and the ability to be a true friend/lover who can share and compromise aren't incompatible. Generosity of spirit and kindness are completely missing from your list, and you seem to expect every man or presumably partner of either sex not to be supportive. There is no sense of the joy and satisfaction in having a loving and equal relationship. I would hate to feel my children grew up like this. Thankfully I know they didn't.

Outraged about the points the OP makes.

The premise of your post is so sweeping and generalised.

You can still think the playing field is not level and society puts enormous pressure on girls and disagree with the spin of OP's message.

It is not one or the other, neat black and white. Like some other posters ( and those who mention boys ) somehow think those flaws in society don't exist.

@CurlewKate

@RamblingEclectic

I agree with so many of your points.

The good choices , that ambition doesn't necessarily have to be connected to a career, you can be ambitious for so many many things, that community is powerful.

@RamblingEclectic excellent post however regarding ambition.
In 2023 it's much harder to achieve financial stability with mistakes especially if you live in an expensive area like London/SE. 10+ years ago young people could coast in their 20's and still buy a starter flat, upgrade to a family home in time to have kids but these days it's very difficult. The only people I know in 2023 who can afford that have parents happy to give them a hefty house deposit or can move back home to save. Many of the latter still can only afford a starter flat in their 30's and due to nursery fees/children impact on affordability find it hard to even buy a family home. Rents affordable on an early career salary a decade ago... now doubled, but the salary stays the same. So hard to save for a deposit unless you want to live like a monk!

As you said people should choose a profession with their needs and lifestyle in mind but at 17 you might not have the life experience to consider everything. If you have a burning passion fine, but if you don't IMO my advice is always to go for money. A few years of high earning earlier in your career can set you up for a long time, it also tends to make you realise what you're cut out for much, much faster and gives you the freedom to pivot into something else.

Ambition IMO also refers to the planning and research in structuring your life the way you want it. Again, doesn't necessarily mean the 'glam and glitzy CEO' career but as a wise woman wants told me 'if you want to lie in bed eating bonbons and get up at midday.... attempting to achieve that is ambition'.

Nothing in life is constant. Today's decently paid career, tomorrow's outsourced/automated/unfunded/whatever. Ambition also covers the element of forward planning.. thinking about what could be... not just waking up to find the rug pulled out from under your feet!

*once told me! Too old for edit.