Things girls need to be taught as soon as possible.

[Gettingbysomehow]

I'm sure this has been done before but:

Men are just ordinary people, they aren't going to rescue you, be your soul mate or necessarily be around for ever, they are not princes from fairy stories so don't live your life waiting for that fairy tale marriage.

Fairy tales don't exist, neither do happy ever afters, romance forever or any of those other things we are fed from a young age.

Never rely on a man, get a career, be ambitious.

Don't have more children than you can comfortably afford to raise on your own.

If you are very lucky you may get a nice man who you can rub along with for the rest of your life but 50% plus of marriages don't last.

Be selfish. Don't sacrifice your hopes and dreams for someone else, be who you want to be. Have boundaries. Have self respect. Don't allow yourself to be treated badly or taken for granted.

Learn how to manage your own life, bills, finances, everything.

The only person you can truly rely on is yourself.

Be happy, do things that make you happy.

Way too cynical.

"Be happy, do things that make you happy."

Did typing all that make you happy OP; you don't sound it.

That doesn't come across to me

It's saying don't put boys ahead of yourself
Don't rely on others for your happiness or wealth

Don't put your head in the sand and pretend everything is OK, or that it will get better by itself. Talk about it. Take action. This applies to your personal relationships. This also applies to societal issues. They won't get better if we don't do something about them. And a lot of people would rather pretend everything's fine or blame the victims.

These aren’t depressing or “anti-men” messages. I expect parents of boys to be teaching them not to tie up their self esteem in how attractive they are to girls, for example. Not to have children with women they aren’t sure they want to spend the rest of their lives with because a child ties them to that person forever.

I've told my young adult daughters that they need to be able to look after themselves financially though in reality life isn't that black and white, one of my DD's has sns so doubt she will ever be truly independent, working more than about 29 hours a week makes her so anxious and, well it's complicated. I had to stay at home with my kids because no nursery would take her 25 years ago.

The message don't have more kids than you can afford financially and emotionally cope with alone is valid to a point I would say

Isn't it about modelling healthy examples?

’men aren’t your soulmate’ got me 😆
I'm glad my wife wasn’t raised by someone like this - what a dull, depressing way to live.

OP, just because you’ve had a shit experience doesn’t mean they won’t find a soulmate who genuinely looks after them - what you’re doing is with the best of intentions but it really a bit like someone telling everyone getting on a plane to go on holiday that they’re going to crash.

#bekind

I fucking hate that phrase. I'm fighting it with my dd every chance I get. I'm teaching her that it's not kind if someone demands something from you and you owe them nothing but it's tough, I'm fighting the rest of society it feels like, so this is a message I will give her. Its not putting her above any man but saying look out for yourself first and foremost, don't forget what's important or right for you

Isn't it simpler to just say 'men are the enemy, women are saints

Unless you are a mil, dil, jealous sister, new partner, ex partner, female teacher...'

Never rely on a man, get a career, be ambitious

This

Don't let anyone tell you that they have all the answers.
Make good decision that work for you.
Don't burden yourself with other people's naivety or cynicism.
Life is to be enjoyed.

I would hope boys are told this too. I can't see why any of this is female exclusive.
Also not everyone (male or female) needs a "career".
Society needs people who just have "jobs" too.

I’m 52 and I was not fed these messages growing up! The best thing my parents did for me was to encourage me to play team sport. It teaches so many excellent life skills. Most importantly how to get up and dust yourself down after a fall.

As for fairy tales, I don’t really want to live my life not believing in happy endings. Life involves heartbreak for everyone and while it is important to teach independence and resilience, one of life’s great joys is finding someone nice to share it with. Yes, be independent but be open to the idea of romantic love and adventure, girls and boys alike.

I 'teach', or rather demonstrate, the same values to my 3 DC.

The idea of separate messages for girls & boys is worrying (though there's obviously room for nuance).

Yes I don’t think these are separate messages, I just meant changing the sex as appropriate (although I realise that’s very heteronormative of me).

@Highlyflavouredgravy "This! If the parents make good choices, have healthy stable relationships, value themselves, value education etc then the children will not need doom laden 'lessons'"

You seem to miss the point that we are nowhere near this yet-and the OP's suggestions will help to get us there!

Who is the 'we' you are talking about? What I have said certainly applies to almost every adult I am friends with.

I think boys need to be taught not to settle for a woman who they don't truly love, not to be tied to someone who is abusive or manipulative. Agree with look at the family and the parents of a potential partner, that tells you a lot. Especially the relationship that a male partner has with his mother.
Women definitely need to be taught to make sure they have control of their own finances and are self sufficient, have a good pension etc.
Both men and women can be exploited and treated badly, teaching about self respect, self esteem and boundaries is so important.

Have a profession- be financially independent. This is my number 1 rule. Never depend on a man.

Do not be a people pleaser.

Be polite but not a pushover

Learn to manage finances. Be a saver, not a spender.

Enjoy life. Go to the parties. Celebrate others.

These flawless faces & bodies you see online, in magazines and in pop music videos aren't real or what these women look like without the help of heavy make-up, expert lighting & photography and computer editing tricks. Real girls & women are beautiful, worth so much more than being manipulated by this imagery.

My experience of men has been the exact opposite so no, I don't agree with telling children this notion at all.

@Singleandproud
👏👏👏
Without doubt one of the best statements I’ve ever read on here .
Thank you

I don't think these messages are helpful. The basis of a good relationship is definitely not 'be selfish and pursue your own dreams'. Sometimes in a relationship you have to put your own dreams on hold for a while in order to let your kids or OH pursue theirs. You can't always 'be selfish' as you will not survive very long in the workplace or with personal relationships.

I think it's far better to teach our girls to be strong and confident in who they are and to use that strength and confidence wisely.

I’m not sure I agree OP. Seems like a group of negative statements and doesn’t really much room for people to grow and change with the world.