Things girls need to be taught as soon as possible.

[Gettingbysomehow]

I'm sure this has been done before but:

Men are just ordinary people, they aren't going to rescue you, be your soul mate or necessarily be around for ever, they are not princes from fairy stories so don't live your life waiting for that fairy tale marriage.

Fairy tales don't exist, neither do happy ever afters, romance forever or any of those other things we are fed from a young age.

Never rely on a man, get a career, be ambitious.

Don't have more children than you can comfortably afford to raise on your own.

If you are very lucky you may get a nice man who you can rub along with for the rest of your life but 50% plus of marriages don't last.

Be selfish. Don't sacrifice your hopes and dreams for someone else, be who you want to be. Have boundaries. Have self respect. Don't allow yourself to be treated badly or taken for granted.

Learn how to manage your own life, bills, finances, everything.

The only person you can truly rely on is yourself.

Be happy, do things that make you happy.

I would teach to both my son and daughter:

-Self love and confidence. If they are not being treated well in a relationship, it’s not worth it and they should move on as they are worth more

-Anything important about money, savings, bills etc.

My mother taught me neither of these things and I always vowed to be better with my kids.

No one has said all men are dickheads but the fact is an awful lot do dump all the responsibility onto women, especially following a break up and you can't guarantee getting any support so make damm sure he's a decent guy before commiting to him and having children.

Oh god I know all about the sudden saying girls do this boys do that from the start of primary school and that's a child with solid serious female role models around her. I feel like I'm fighting a constant losing battle against society

Totally agree

My DD sees that many men are wonderful - dad, 2 brothers, grandad. They exist and she will hold a high bar having seen the males in her life as her example. Assuming she’s straight, of course! But hopefully the same standard would be sought in a female partner too.

Not only is that a very long-winded way of saying 'be self-sufficient and only get a man if they add something positive to yourself' some of those things are also contradictory. like 'being ambitious' and 'being happy',
If what makes you happy doesn't bring you enough to live on then you'll just have to sacrifice one of the two.

What a load of bull and as @SleepingStandingUp pointed out could be read many ways...

The money for the taxi one has already been used by our son (early teens) and his friends. They went to the cinema and when they came out, some older teens were starting trouble, not with my son's group but close by. They felt unsure and apprehensive about how it would unfold, so they got a taxi from the taxi rank outside and came home. They only had a few coins between them after the cinema and their bus passes but the bus was half hour wait to the next one and wanted to get away as soon as they could.

*I don't agree at all, I think these are depressing, loaded messages to give 'girls'.

I emphasise to all my DC (girls & boys) about personal autonomy & responsibility, valuing themselves, financial awareness, respecting others in relationships.

I explain the importance of education & careers.

For girls & women, I agree that understanding their value & not making choices to prioritise their partner's needs is important.

But I still think your statements are reductive & unhelpful.*

This 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼 Well said.

I'd also say respect and enjoy your body. It's a wonderful thing.

And try to find joy. That's an achievement as much as any other.

There is a difference between secrets and surprises.

Enjoy sunrises and sunsets and take joy in nature.

Appreciate that women should be able to walk alone in dark spaces but just don't.

Learn to drive.

Learn to change a tyre.

Learn to change a fuse.

Enjoy nutritious food. But never beat yourself up over a bar of galaxy!

Don't let school/college/employment make you miserable because of a bully. We will always make it OK.

If your partner does something you're not comfortable to tell me about then ask yourself is this something you'd be happy for your daughter to endure, if not, ducks in a row.

Being kind isn't the same as being obedient and don't forget that.

Being organised will help you more than you will ever know.

Don't think you're lesser than anyone, but don't think you're more superior without good reason.

Don't try drugs, we're from a long line of addicts, please just don't.

Peer pressure is real and we can combat it together.

Your body is designed to enjoy sex, not for sex to be a one way street with someone else enjoying it whilst you don't.

Porn is fake and damaging and stay away from porn addicts.

Be clean. Be tidy.

Don't worry about doing embarrassing shit, everyone does. Let it go and don't let it consume you.

Anything you put online will forever be online.

Don't drink alcohol to extreme lengths and if you do call me immediately.

Don't listen to people who shit talk your interests, having an interest in your appearance doesn't make you shallow, wear funky dresses, wear classic tailoring, wear tracksuits, whatever makes you feel best, do it.

Your room, your home, your space is to look as you want it, someone doesn't like your colour pallette? Fuck em, not their space, not your problem.

If you dislike words being used around you that belittle people, racist, homophobic, ableist words, remember that you can't control what people say, but you're totally entitled to say, "that makes me feel uncomfortable".

Find a hobby that's yours and yours alone.

Don't ever use a sunbed.

Don't judge a book by its cover doesn't apply to not judging situations that may be dangerous.

Never ignore your instinct even if everyone thinks you're wrong, if you spot Red flags, listen to your gut.
Equally, if you can't see the red flags but everyone else can, it's because you don't want too, please please listen.

You're unlikely to regret being nice to someone far more than you will be horrid, even if they're undeserving.

Let shitty people go, even if they weren't always shitty, they are now.

Don't let other people's opinions of you weigh you down, not everyone has to like you and you don't have to like everyone. It's life, don't waste your energy.

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder so never place more value on your looks than your personality.

Memorise phone numbers of those who will pick you up from anyplace and any time.

Never worry about wasting time of the doctor or the police if you feel there is genuine concern.

Save money and always keep some for yourself. You never know, you may need it.

Your inner voice should be your best friend, if they're telling you something in your best interest, bloody listen.

Don't let cats out doors unless you want a broken heart.

Your safety and health are the most precious things you own, treat them as such.

Agree. OP sounds bitter (bad experiences?) and I wouldn’t be ‘teaching’ my girls this BS.

This applies to boys as well as girls.

Don't make yourself miserable trying to make someone else happy.

"I don't want to" is a good enough reason.

You can have any career you want. Whether it is a nurse, a pilot, a scientist, a teacher, a mathematician, a footballer or a ballet dancer, who cares whether people think those jobs are only for girls or boys, if you want to do it, you can.

You don't have to be friends with someone just because they want to be friends with you.

"No" means no.

As Nora Ephron put it, "above all, be the heroine of your life, not the victim." To me this means having agency and living your life as subject, not object.

When it comes to relying on a man, I think the best way forward is more nuanced than some of the posts on here suggest. In a long life and good relationship, there will be times when each partner relies on the other- this is one of the benefits of a loving relationship and it isn't something to be feared. You need a plan B, certainly- don't make yourself entirely reliant on someone else so that you have no option other than to stay with them- but equally don't be so afraid of becoming reliant that you deprive yourself of the possibility of the loving support of a partner. I've read too many posts on here by women who have accepted appalling mistreatment in the name of being self-reliant (eg mothers on mat leave struggling to pay their share of the bills on reduced salary while their partner lives high off the hog). Once you decide to create a family with someone, it's perfectly sensible to approach life as a family, and that includes finances if you wish. Just make sure you have options if things don't work out.

Don't indoctrinate your children with anything. Anything. Give them the tools to make sense of the world around them and let them come to their own conclusions, model healthy relationships and create an environment where they can talk through their feelings and analyse decisions they've made with you.

All children should be taught that being independent is very desirable. On the other hand, most of us rely on other people and get relied upon at times. It’s the way humans are.

Assertiveness and self worth.

And the name of moving agent to move to this magical MN bubble where simply modeling the right behaviours can assure equality. It must be great not to have girls sense of self worth bombarded with external messages telling them their prince will come, their worth is less than men and their worth is measured by having a man (and complying with whatever it takes to hang on to them).

Where does the OP suggest any of this? Or anything negative about men? All that post suggests is that girls should be independent not rely on a man for their health and happiness - contrary to the messaging we are surrounded with from birth.

IMO 'reliant' has several different meanings.
Even in the world of work you must rely on others to deliver a big project for example so just being 'independent' doesn't cut it.
Better advice, I think is to not leave yourself vulnerable where possible. Don't give up work completely, get yourself in a well-earning position before having kids.
But if course once you marry you are a team and you SHOULD rely on the other team member to do their share. Not try to 'do it all alone' otherwise what are they there for??

A backup plan isn't necessarily about leaving a relationship it's about life in general your husband could become disabled, ill, unable to work at any time what will you do then? Also, two 'lower' earners take home more and pay less tax so it doesn't make financial sense to rely on a single 'big job' (not that I believbe the majority of women on here who claim that their DH have big jobs anyway and are sooooo busy)

I totally agree. When i was diagnosed with cancer some years ago, our ds was only 5 years old. I was extremely ill for a year. My dh was the true meaning of a rock and utterly dependable . He immediately made the decision to take a year off work (unpaid) to care for me and our ds. He did everything around the house, all the care for our ds and visited me twice daily after surgery . When I was having chemo he took me to every appointment and all medical appointments, staying with me to support me.I went on to have further surgeries and ever time he was there for us both. Every time. He's truly dependable and a wonderful dh to whom i will be ever thankful. He did it because he loves us. I love him deeply. It can never be said to me don't depend on a man because I just couldn't have done it without him.

Well I have never said this to anyone. And anyone saying it within my earshot gets short shrift

In what way are they reductive?

I think you called all the boy-parents to this thread 😅op!

Your list is very realistic and many women have fallen for these lies. And many girls will in the future too.
You’d think that many women just here alone have been a victim of men like these, they’d want better for girls and women who aren’t eyeballs in it yet.

But no, had to make it all about poor boys and men.
Sad.

Are girls and women ever allowed to have a thread to themselves without the 'what about the boys/ men' brigade stomping in and huffing? The Op was perfectly clear.

I disagree with most of your statements. But they are indeed the stock MN answers you see on every thread.

I would teach girls to look for a man who exemplifies all the best aspects of masculinity, and would teach boys that their masculinity is not inherently bad. I think society as a whole should encourage men to be competent, to take on responsibility, to make sacrifices for their families, to protect their loved ones. There's a masculinity crisis at the moment whereby men aren't growing up and taking any responsibility because male leadership is seen as inherently evil and the source of all the world's problems. There's a difference between a confident, competent man and a controlling one.

I'd teach girls AND boys to not be physically intimate until there is a real commitment to share every other aspect of your life. It makes no sense to me that you'd make yourself so so vulnerable without being confident that the other person is fully committed to you. Physical intimacy blinds you to all sorts of problems in relationships. Don't do it until you're sure about the relationship. And when I say sure, a good litmus test is, could you imagine raising a child with this person?

Yeah. Why else would we promise to stay together "for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health"?

Rape and sexual assault are effectively legal. Sexual harassment will happen. A significant amount of men are dangerous and to be very careful. This is the sad reality. We all know it.
If you really want children be very careful who you have children with as this ties you to them forever and it makes you physically and financially very vulnerable.
Enough men are truly awful to make it sensible to take steps to avoid the awful ones.

You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do, go anywhere you don’t want to go or share anything you don’t want to share. I am still learning these simple things

Chin up eh, op? 😆

I don't disagree with most, but would/do sugar coat some of it. And add some less negative sounding things too for balance, and to make it more likely she'll listen....