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Original poster

Wedding Speaches - before or after the meal?

162 replies

WeddingSpeaches · 20/09/2023 15:53

Hi all.

My DD is getting married soon, and is deciding whether to have the speaches before or after the meal. There will be 5 speaches in total : Brides Dad, Grooms Dad, Best Man, Groom & Chief Bridesmaid.

Our opinions differ!

Would love to know what you would prefer, if you were a guest, and why?

Thanks!

OP posts:
35965a · 20/09/2023 15:55

Yikes, that is a lot of speeches. Maybe half before half afterwards? I definitely wouldn’t do 5 speeches before the meal, the guests will all die of boredom.

Slimerrr · 20/09/2023 15:55

Honestly, neither. I hate the speeches. That’s a lot of speeches, I’d do them after so people aren’t thinking about food

DynastywasthebestTV · 20/09/2023 15:57

Don't mind at all- whatever the speech givers /bride and groom prefer!
The last couple i've been to the speeches were before I think. But there hd been lots of drinks and canapes beforehand so guests weren't starving etc.
We had them before at my wedding many years ago.

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OhhhhhhhhBiscuits · 20/09/2023 15:57

After, people will be bored with 5 speeches and if it's a long time since they have last eaten, they won't be listening to them they will be thinking hurry the fuck up so we can eat and drink.

Prepgrw · 20/09/2023 15:58

Speeches don’t need to be long but anyway as a guest I’m definitely up for sitting and listening after all the meal. Fed watered and in need of sitting still before any more chatting and dancing.

DynastywasthebestTV · 20/09/2023 15:58

I like the speeches- as long as they don't go on and on and on...

MetaMette · 20/09/2023 15:59

After. Far nicer to sit around and listen once people have eaten.

I've only been to one wedding where they had them before, we'd been waiting round for ages prior to the meal and I was absolutely starving and then noticed that the champagne glasses were filled already and we'd have to wait even longer to eat.

MichaelAndEagle · 20/09/2023 15:59

Normally I say before so the speech givers can relax and enjoy themselves.
But that is a lot of speeches. Do there need to be so many?

Mummyofthewildones · 20/09/2023 15:59

Personally I prefer speeches after food. Obviously depends on what time the ceremony etc is but so often I've been to weddings where we have been absolutely starving and having to wait til the speeches were finished to eat has felt like an eternity!
That's a lot of speeches too!

MetaMette · 20/09/2023 16:00

Speeches between courses can work ok too.

Sleepo · 20/09/2023 16:01

I love the speeches- my favourite bit! Five is a lot though so tell people to keep it short.

If it's three courses I think after the starter but before the main is a good time for speeches- no one is too hungry or too pissed. But you need to check with your caterer that they can work to this.

Lemevoir · 20/09/2023 16:01

Can you spread them across the meal, so one or two before, some between courses and another at the end?

Probably in this order:

Best man
Chief Bridesmaid

Groom's dad

Bride's dad
Groom

I was at a wedding where the pre-dinner speeches went on for aaaggggges and everyone was starving by the time the starters were brought out.

YetMoreNewBeginnings · 20/09/2023 16:01

If there's going to be any kind of length to them then after.

Before is better for the speech makers though so if they're going to be short (we went to a wedding recently where the speeches were all only three/four minutes each so that would be fine before) you could do it before.

marmaladeandpeanutbutter · 20/09/2023 16:02

After, and with a 5 minute cut off, given the quantity.

SherbetLemonn · 20/09/2023 16:03

I’d usually say before and keep them short, that way the speech givers can relax and enjoy their meal with everyone else.. but 5 speeches is ridiculous and getting the guests to wait for five speeches to finish before getting started on their food is altogether unreasonable. Everyone will get started on the table wine on empty stomachs and be pissed before the starter 😂

SherbetLemonn · 20/09/2023 16:04

A couple before and a couple after might work..

Ladyj84 · 20/09/2023 16:04

It's usual after the meal but crumbs that's way to many speeches never been to a wedding with that many it will get boring

BarryK3nt · 20/09/2023 16:04

We did them before, four of us did a speech and I made sure they were short and sweet.

Namesense · 20/09/2023 16:04

Before, so they can be relaxed enough to enjoy their food afterwards.

OhYetAnotherBrickInTheWall · 20/09/2023 16:06

Yikes FIVE?! Blimey - definitely after, you want people a bit pissed to sit through 5!

Graciebobcat · 20/09/2023 16:07

During the meal. After the main course and before the dessert.

I went to a friend's wedding at 30 weeks pregnant, and the speeches were before any food was served and we were all seated at the tables. The groom was tipsy and went on and on for about an hour, very sweet but blethering on and repeating himself. The other speeches were shorter but probably another half an hour altogether. People on my table were so kindly giving me the favours of chocolates as I was bloody ravenous.

TheFlis · 20/09/2023 16:08

We split ours across the meal. Two before (it was late afternoon and we’d had lots of canapés so people weren’t starving yet), 2 after starter, final one (best men, there were 2 of them so it was bit longer than usual) before pudding.

RightSaidFred72 · 20/09/2023 16:09

Lemevoir · 20/09/2023 16:01

Can you spread them across the meal, so one or two before, some between courses and another at the end?

Probably in this order:

Best man
Chief Bridesmaid

Groom's dad

Bride's dad
Groom

I was at a wedding where the pre-dinner speeches went on for aaaggggges and everyone was starving by the time the starters were brought out.

I like that idea

PinkRoses1245 · 20/09/2023 16:12

Definitely not before, otherwise everyone cracks into the table wine whilst they're starving! Either after, or have 1-2 between main and dessert. and keep them short.

PimpMyFridge · 20/09/2023 16:14

After!!
I can't listen or care what you have to say if I'm starving even if I love you to bits, and usually at a wedding by the time you get fed you are really really really for it!