Wedding Speaches - before or after the meal?

[WeddingSpeaches]

Hi all.

My DD is getting married soon, and is deciding whether to have the speaches before or after the meal. There will be 5 speaches in total : Brides Dad, Grooms Dad, Best Man, Groom & Chief Bridesmaid.

Our opinions differ!

Would love to know what you would prefer, if you were a guest, and why?

Thanks!

Why on earth are there 5 speeches? Does the groom's dad not understand that he doesn't have a speaking part? Could the best man & chief bridesmaid do a joint speech?

The suggestion of doing them between courses is good as long as it's not too disruptive for the caterers. Do you want to wait until all the previous course dishes have been cleared before people start giving their speeches? Servers starting to serve next course to the top table might act as a useful signal to stop talking if a speaker tends to ramble.

Before the meal but make them short

Don't spread them out across the meal, the diners at the tables will never get a conversation going if you do that.
Let people eat, chat relax, then they can give all the reactions you'd hope for to the speeches, then everyone can party on.

After, your guests need feeding as the priority. Then if you must have five, then keep them to five minutes each maximum. The speeches are always boring unless you know everyone really really well, and often are not even good then given that most people are not good public speakers.
But definitely feed your guests first.

After. I went to a wedding where there were 4 speeches before, each was at least 20 minutes long and there was one glass of champagne for all the toasts with no table wine. It was a shame because quite a few of the elderly guests were getting irritable and heckling by the best man's speech and he got really nervous and had to restart which upset things even more. Altogether it seemed more stressful all round than waiting until everyone is well fed and watered and ready to listen in good humour.

Our photographer suggested before as the tables look a mess after the food, they were absolutely right too, our speech photos are gorgeous and you can really see how beautiful the room looked with all the centrepieces etc**

Not a helpful response but I don’t understand why we call them “speeches”. “Toasts” surely?

I vote you split them.

I'd say before. That's what we did. It's such a nerve wracking thing for them do to. I wanted my husband and co to be able to enjoy their food knowing it had been done.

If I were to give a speech, there's no way I'd eat any food because I'd be so nervous. We didn't have lots of lengthy speeches though. I think as long as people have a glass of bubbly on their hand, they'll be happy to wait for food after.

After IMO. It's the bride and groom's choice though.

After, it’s a better guest experience.

We had 6 speeches at my wedding but everyone had a 3 minute limit per person so they were still over and done much quicker than others.

That's a LOT of speeches! Why so many? I'd suggest after the meal, or people will be getting restive. And maybe give each person a 3-minute limit (tops) - that's about 400 words. Or have a couple of main speeches, and the others are just raising a toast.

I work in weddings and would definitely say not to split them between courses. Loads of people get up for a wee / a drink after they have finished eating, it takes ages to get everyone back in to start the next speech, the whole thing just drags on and on and on. My advice would be to keep them all together and do them either between mains and dessert or all at the end - and give guests a coffee as well as the toast drink to help keep their attention!

Probably before the meal but that’s way too many speeches tbh.

After! Once people are well fed and watered and more sympathetic to listening to a few old yarns.

Five seems ridiculous though. I hope they will be practiced and short.

After. If your guests have already waited around for an hour or so for formal photographs to be taken and have to then sit around for the speeches whilst being starving and waiting to be fed they’ll be ravenous!

That's far too many speeches.

I'd limit it to a couple of 'main' speakers and the others just propose toasts.

Also, when deciding who those main speakers are, decide on the basis of those who are a) most comfortable / experienced in public speaking and b) 10 minutes, MAX.

There is nothing more cringe-inducing than listening to somebody who hates public speaking try to draw themselves out for 20+ minutes (especially if you're hungry and your feet hurt).

Spread throughout the meal sounds like slow torture - constant interruptions while you're chatting.

Before isn't good either because everyone will just be desperate for them to stop so they can eat.

After is the best bet because you're hopefully relaxed and feeling a bit merry and you can look kindly on any less-than-brilliant speakers. But for the love of god, make them short!

Another vote for please just have fewer speeches.

The Grooms dad does not need to do one, if the chief bridesmaid must do one it could be joint with the best man.

I know people like to include everyone nowadays but the traditional three speeches is really enough, especially if they aren’t accomplished public speakers.

Also to the commenter about the tables look nicer if you have them beforehand, that just epitomises where we have gone wrong with weddings - you want photos of your event, not photos to BE the event.

I went to a wedding recently when they were before and everyone was starving and the speeches not very good. After is much better

We had five speeches, and I think they were no longer than anyone else's, and none of them were individually long. (Friends always do a sweepstake on the length fro start to finish, usually comes in at 45mish, ours came in at 38m).

No dad recounting all my achievements year by year or best man dribbling on about in jokes from the stag do.

But for the love of Satan, do them after the meal.

Nobody wants to wait for their food after a couple of measley canapes.

And "toasts" is American. A toast is something you do at the end of the speech.

Dinner first 100%. Otherwise guests might be really hungry and will be desperate for the speeches to be finished so they can finally eat, relax and mingle!

Definitely after and see if each speech can be time limited.

For all the people wondering why anyone could POSSIBLY want more than 3 speeches.

Sometimes it’s nice to hear women speak too! Brides and bridesmaids, MOBs/Gs etc

If you must have 6 then do this.

Someone needs to be in charge of showing them a yellow and red card if they go on too long. If it were my wedding id be asking to check the speeches first. Most people who are unaccustomed to public speaking have no idea how to keep a speech to 3 mins .

@Trisolaris yes it’s nice to hear the women speak but if you’re going to do this then you need to do it INSTEAD of not as well as otherwise you can end up with 4xparents, a best man, a chief bridesmaid, a bride and a groom - 8 speeches 😵‍💫😵

I think at my wedding, we had the minister saying Grace before the meal, my dad welcoming and thanking everyone for coming, and the best man being hilarious after the meal.