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Original poster

Wedding Speaches - before or after the meal?

162 replies

WeddingSpeaches · 20/09/2023 15:53

Hi all.

My DD is getting married soon, and is deciding whether to have the speaches before or after the meal. There will be 5 speaches in total : Brides Dad, Grooms Dad, Best Man, Groom & Chief Bridesmaid.

Our opinions differ!

Would love to know what you would prefer, if you were a guest, and why?

Thanks!

OP posts:
CinemaCrazy · 22/09/2023 19:12

I went to an amazing wedding recently, my only criticism was the five speeches being before the meal. Everyone was starving by the time we had lunch at almost 4pm.

Islandermummy · 22/09/2023 20:16

I love the speeches. Iirc we did ours peppered through the meal rather than all in one go. And make sure everyone has enough to drink!

larlypops · 22/09/2023 21:26

I did mine after the starter

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Weddings
Imisssleep2 · 23/09/2023 13:20

Always been after at every wedding. We have been to, wouldn't do before as people will be hungry and that's alot of speeches. Would limit their time too if poss, nothing worse than a speech that drags on

ValkyrieAssassin · 23/09/2023 13:30

I think it depends on how the rest of the day is. Lady wedding I went to in the summer had ceremony at 10. Then guests had to entertain themselves in a marquee in a field with cash bar until 1 while photos of wedding party taken. Then champagne reception until 3 then sit down and speeches and then finally food around 4 pm. It was carnage by then. I think food first somewhere would have been good. There were a lot of empty places by the time the meal came with people peeling off due to hunger or childcare

SmokeMeAKipperSkipper · 23/09/2023 13:36

My thoughts were that it's better AFTER the meal. Because people will have been fed and watered, and be more relaxed. Also a bit tipsy and jovial.

Yes, do after.
We went to a wedding where they did the speeches first. They also planned them to be 5 mins each, they weren’t. The wedding was at 12 and we didn’t get food until 6pm and it was practically thrown at us because the timings in the kitchen were all out due to delays. Everyone was so drunk because they were drinking on an empty stomach. Worst wedding I’ve ever been to.

Italiangreyhound · 23/09/2023 13:39

I'd do them all afterwards,, but two while eating desserts and three while drinking coffee. And 10 minutes max each!

SheriffAmosTupper · 23/09/2023 14:03

After to suit the guests who may be hungry or still getting to know their table guests.

They are nerve racking though, so I can see that before would suit the top table.

RampantIvy · 23/09/2023 14:36

ValkyrieAssassin · 23/09/2023 13:30

I think it depends on how the rest of the day is. Lady wedding I went to in the summer had ceremony at 10. Then guests had to entertain themselves in a marquee in a field with cash bar until 1 while photos of wedding party taken. Then champagne reception until 3 then sit down and speeches and then finally food around 4 pm. It was carnage by then. I think food first somewhere would have been good. There were a lot of empty places by the time the meal came with people peeling off due to hunger or childcare

That's awful.
Three hours for photography! How narcissistic can some couples be?
Whenever we have hosted anything - party, christening, wedding etc we have always put the guests' comfort first.

I don't understand the selfishness of couples like this who are supposed to be the hosts at events where a lot of people will have travelled a long way and therefore need feeding and watering at regular intervals.

CeriB82 · 23/09/2023 16:52

speeches are very boring.

seriously, cut it down, people don’t want to sit through it.

Tukmgru · 23/09/2023 16:55

Neither, for the love of God! Please can we kill this tradition of endless rambles by friends and family breaking the fun of the wedding. It’s so rare that any have any skill or experience in public speaking, and even rarer that they are funny.

Honestly, you will provide such joy to the wedding party if you get up and say ‘there will be no speeches, let’s get to the dance floor’. That’s the best and only speech required.

Maireas · 23/09/2023 17:04

Italiangreyhound · 23/09/2023 13:39

I'd do them all afterwards,, but two while eating desserts and three while drinking coffee. And 10 minutes max each!

10 minutes each! That's going to take an hour because of the switching over. Nope. Please spare your guests this.

BIossomtoes · 23/09/2023 17:07

Five speeches is at least two too many.

HunterHearstHelmsley · 23/09/2023 17:12

After. Definitely after.

I've only been to one wedding where they were before the meal. The main thing I remember from that wedding was how bloody hungry I was.

Ifyouknewmeyouwoudlikeme · 23/09/2023 17:16

Before or after the starter. I preferred people to wait an extra 10 mins for their food (they had eaten canapes) rather than the people giving speeches not being able to relax and enjoy their food

And 5 is waaay too much!

Changingplace · 23/09/2023 17:20

Another vote for that being way too many speeches, I’ve been to tonnes of weddings and honestly couldn’t remember one speech that was actually worth listening to.

Most best man speeches are genetic copied from the internet interspersed with unfunny ‘oh how we laughed - this one time the groom got completely shitfaced’ stories.

Yes the bride looks lovely, as do the bridesmaids, obviously everyone is there cos they love the couple, it doesn’t need to go on for half an hour or more, thank everyone for coming and enjoy the party, guests will thank you for it :)

S910441 · 23/09/2023 17:27

Jeez, that's a lot of speeches. I wouldn't have them all before the meel otherwise people will lose attention before they've reeched the end. It'll be like a bad dreem if people have to sit through five speeches before eeting. How about spreeding them out a bit?

CateringPanic · 23/09/2023 17:35

I think it’s really sad how many miserable people on here seem to hate speeches full stop!

5 speeches is obviously too many and yes we have all seen some stinkers where people really could have made more effort/practiced more/run it by someone else before delivering but when they are done we’ll the speeches can be lovely - I love hearing nice things about the couple and when people use it as an opportunity to express some genuine feeling

MariaVT65 · 23/09/2023 17:37

Ifyouknewmeyouwoudlikeme · 23/09/2023 17:16

Before or after the starter. I preferred people to wait an extra 10 mins for their food (they had eaten canapes) rather than the people giving speeches not being able to relax and enjoy their food

And 5 is waaay too much!

Realistically though will most sets of speeches take 10 mins? I went to a wedding recently where 3 speeches took 50 mins. Thank god they were after the meal. We got a whole biography of the bride from her dad.

Always after! And canopes might be enough, depends who they get offered to and who can eat them.

Italiangreyhound · 23/09/2023 18:00

@Maireas you are right, 10 minutes is too much should have said 5 minutes.

Maireas · 23/09/2023 18:03

Italiangreyhound · 23/09/2023 18:00

@Maireas you are right, 10 minutes is too much should have said 5 minutes.

Although, to be honest, I'd say 3 minutes! 😉

FKATondelayo · 23/09/2023 18:09

I love speeches but then luckily most weddings I have been to have funny, pithy people who are good at public speaking.

5 is too many and 5 minutes each is too long. There should be a mix of short "The bridesmaids look lovely/Please raise your glasses" toasts and 1 or 2 long funny / personal ones by people who are very good at them. (Not necessarily the bride's father).

And not to throw a spanner in the works but I find it very odd the groom and chief bridesmaid are speaking and not the bride. I gave a speech at my wedding and have also given chief bridesmaid speeches. If you're breaking with tradition to have BM talk then why not the bride?

Yes and have them after.

RampantIvy · 23/09/2023 18:12

but I find it very odd the groom and chief bridesmaid are speaking and not the bride. I gave a speech at my wedding and have also given chief bridesmaid speeches. If you're breaking with tradition to have BM talk then why not the bride?

Maybe she doesn't want to?
I didn't give a speech. Even if it was a "thing" when I got married (1981) I still wouldn't have done so.

FKATondelayo · 23/09/2023 18:12

Actually I've just remembered the wedding where the Best Man had loads of coke and went on for HOURS in a very over-sharing revealing way and the bride gave him evils. The friendship ended that night.

I've just remembered that happened at more than one wedding 😂

FKATondelayo · 23/09/2023 18:13

RampantIvy · 23/09/2023 18:12

but I find it very odd the groom and chief bridesmaid are speaking and not the bride. I gave a speech at my wedding and have also given chief bridesmaid speeches. If you're breaking with tradition to have BM talk then why not the bride?

Maybe she doesn't want to?
I didn't give a speech. Even if it was a "thing" when I got married (1981) I still wouldn't have done so.

Fair enough.