MIL not using correct name

[SkyBlue1987]

So I didn’t change my name when we got married a few years ago - which the in-laws definitely know and have never said anything bad about (that I know about). MIL is also on Facebook so would be reminded every time I post photos of the kids of my actual name. However, every time she posts something to us (they don’t live close by) it’s addressed to Mr and Mrs XYZ. Wondering if I should just let it go, it does bug me because I don’t know if she’s doing it deliberately or just because she’s old fashioned.

what is she posting?

Same here and I get letters to ‘Mrs <husband’s first name> <husband’s second name>’ !!!

I go by Ms so literally nothing on the envelope reflects my actual name lol.

Not quite the same but my sister always addresses post as Miss Datdamndamp when she knows full well I am Dr Datdamndamp.

A deliberate dig that I'm single.

Pick your battles this one is not worth the bother if she posts something the envelope goes in the bin anyway.

When I wasn't married letters came with initial surname to both of us, it's not a big deal.

I think people assume you're Mr and Mrs Jones really, your preference for Mr Jones and Ms Smith is just a bit of a whim.

I guess the options are:

Pretend you haven’t even noticed (and therefore take the power away from any intended dig/message that she’s trying to make),
or
mention it very nicely and ask her to address you by your actual name.

I’m not sure which I’d do tbh, it would depend on what she’s like in other ways. If you ask her to stop and she doesn’t, where would you take it after that?

I do get it btw, as some of my in-laws refused to acknowledge the shortened version of our DS name, even though we explained at birth that we intended for him to be known by this (widely used and a name in itself) shortened version, with the full name just for the birth certificate.

I ignored it (but found it infuriating tbh) and now they almost always use the same name as the rest of us. It helped when he got old enough to notice and without any intervention from me asked them why they keep calling him by the wrong name.

My MIL called me by the wrong first name for about 10 years. Not always the same one just a name a but like mine. One of the many ways she demonstrates her displeasure about me stealing her son away.

I wouldn't worry about it too much but it is annoying I agree.

Mrs Knobhead 😆

My late MIL did this. We told her a couple of times but then just let it go.

It later caused problems when she wrote her will and did a Power of Attorney naming me. She had to go back to the solicitors and get them to amend it all.

Do you really think this - a whim?

Because the women I know who have chosen to keep their name on marriage haven't done so whimsically at all. It's been a considered decision based on principles.

Even if you don't agree with those principles (which is fine), I can't see how you could argue that it's a whimsical decision at all.

I can only imagine you meant to use a different word than "whim"

We are Ms Myname, Mr Hisname and DS Mr Myname-Hisname. After 26 years of marriage we still get things addressed to Mr &Mrs Hisname. I won't open anything addressed thus and we joke about DHs fancy woman getting post.
I am quite happy for people to address things to 'The Myname-Hisname family', 'CMOT &hisfirstname' should they not wish to address them to 'Mr Hisname and Ms Myname'.
I do object to being called by a name and honorative that I have never used. Weirdly no one ever can't be arsed to write his name and calls us Ms &Mr Myname

No @Mummy08m I certainly don't think it. I think those that can't be bothered to use your correct name do.

My MIL did this. She also thought I would do all DH’s washing and ironing when we moved in together, both working full-time! I just let it go. She was a sweet, old-fashioned old lady. She was a good mum and grandma. In the great scheme of things it wasn’t really a problem.

How is wanting to be called by your own name a whim?

OP, I’d get your husband to mention it to MIL – his family, his issue.

Oh sorry I see - I misunderstood your comment entirely

My DM did this. Problem arose when writing a cheque to Mr & Mrs X when Mrs X did not exist and no joint account either.

DM was very perplexed.

My PIL did this. I corrected them. They said "oh we knew you'd kept your name, we just didn't realise you wanted to be called by it" - err, isn't that what a name is?!

@SkyBlue1987

years ago I was told.

concentrate on what's inside the envelope.

what's written on the outside is for the delivery service to get it into your house.

It does take away a lot of the emotion about it.

my cousin, her (now) DH and her children all have different surnames. I'm not putting all that on an envelope. I write one adults name & family. If they object to that - tough 😂

My MIL has stopped doing this now
partly because I don’t open post if it’s not addressed to me, so my DH would open it then mention it his mum that our names are incorrect.
but also gently taking the piss
’oh MIL what are you like? Honestly you have a memory like a sieve haha)
I don’t normally like being passive aggressive but sometimes needs must.

what's written on the outside is for the delivery service to get it into your house.

No, it's also shows who the mail is intended for, the person it's addressed to. I don't open letters addressed to Mr Freaks because they're not intended for me.
If a close family member is mis-naming someone (the woman, generally) then it can can cause problems in other areas too, as has been demonstrated above: wills, cheques, POA etc.
It's also bloody disrespectful.

People are weird like this, aren't they. I've been with OH for nearly 40 years and we're not married and still get cards addressed to 'Miss UnDruidlyWords', even though I'm in my 60s.

Some women use both. They’re Ms Kensington professionally but Mrs Dalloway for everything else.

I'm one of them. I have been known by my maiden name in my profession for a decade, so didn't want to change it. I do like having the same surname as my kids though. My passport has my married name, but there's a page for 'also known as' and my maiden name is there for when I need ID for work

Wouldn't bother me.