If you were a sahw, would you expect your husband to contribute to housework?

[Idrileena]

If you were a stay at home wife with grown up children who don't live at home anymore. Would you expect your husband to contribute to housework/cooking etc... after work and/or on weekends? If so, how much?

Thank you

No

I think the privilege goes both ways - but only one side is supposed to appreciate it (the grateful little wifey at home sitting on her arse being funded by someone else’s wage, she must never forget how lucky she is), so I’m just redressing the balance with a few comments the other way :)

No Ostrichbraid, not you

I would expect him to help a bit mainly with bins and garden but also not leaving big mess behind. I would not expect him to treat me like a housekeeper in the sense of taking me from granted.

The person working gets all the benefits of being able to build a career, pension etc, the ability to earn money in future - if they don’t recognise the privilege of the personal benefits that they are building up supported by someone managing everything to make things comfortable for them home such that they don’t have to think about it then they are a fool

With adult kids, no. He does anyway, cooks, loads unloads dishwasher, sorts the recycling/bins. Certainly don’t expect it though.

If you are living off someone else's income then I would not expect them to do housework.

Exactly

It's possible to build a career, pension etc without having someone at home, especially if we are talking about no young children in the home.

I don't see it as a privilege to take on the financial responsibility alone but then I'd also never agree to it.

On that note, the husband in the OP is quite right in saying he won't do any cooking or setting the table etc? And all these f/t working spouses with housewives/husbands at home who do do the bins, gardening etc are going above and beyond?

I mean, we've had one poster on here saying as a housewife she'd want her husband to do some domestic tasks as well as ensure she has a healthy disposable income and also contribute to a pension for her. Nice work if you can get it!

I would see the cleaning/laundry/ life admin as the ‘stay at home’ person’s job and do during the week, but would expect tidying/cooking/dishwasher duties necessary over the weekend be shared.
That’s how it has worked in our family during periods of unemployment. Neither DH or I would just sit there and watch the other do everything.

I'd expect to do the bulk of the housework, but that doesn't mean he can be lazy and not pick up/tidy up after himself.

I'd also expect him to chip in at the weekends/on days off with looking after kids and maybe doing something like shopping, cooking etc.

But no, on the whole, if he was working full time and I was at home, I'd expect to do the vast, vast majority of things.

I think it's more useful to make sure you have equal time off, rather than that you do equal work (if that makes sense). So if he gets a weekend off, you need a weekend off another time.

Minimal. The bulk should've done by the SAHW but would expect him to clean up after himself and to chip in at weekends, so weekends were weekends for both of you. And so you didn't feel like a skivvy running round and clearing up after someone.

I'm interested in this too.

The working person is often expected to chip in/help/whatever you want to call it at the weekend but the person at home isn't expected to financially contribute at the weekend so it's like the working person is always doing extra on top of working full time and being the sole provider financially.

If it makes them lazy to not do any housework at the weekend then surely the same could be said for the person at home without any children to care for if they don't at least get a part time job just at the weekend?

No

These threads always go the same way . The thread isn't titled " do you agree with being a SAHM/W " but that doesn't stop all the SAH haters turning up . It's a thread for people that are SAHM/W so if it isn't your lifestyle why even post ? It's like you hover around just waiting for a SAH thread to start so you can pile on and attack people's choices .

No - but I wouldn’t expect to be treated as a live in servant either.
Id also expect that house maintenance is picked up by oh eg garden and help with decorating.

Is that in response to my posts?

Why are you so bothered about someone else life, which you know nothing about anyway, other than some responses to a poster on the wind up about cocklodgers? 😅

I would expect to do some, but not 50:50, so maybe a couple of meals a week, take bins out, mow grass, DIY, but I would't expect to clean etc.

The thread is titled 'IF you were a SAHW' which implies it is open to everyone, not just those who are actually SAHW.

Even then, discussions/debates usually happen. It's just how it works and it is absolutely the same when a woman talks about going back to work, nurseries etc.

Didn't mean it in that way , I'm talking about the posters who try to turn the thread into a debate about whether women should be SAHM/H at all .

No, he worked long hours. Now he's retired though but still does almost nothing.

Well, obviously it was in response to your posts - I'm not bothered at all about your life choices though, I'm not funding you!

I'm now a sahm and he works I'm more than happy to look after our 3 young ones and do the house as he works his butt off also for us all. But when he does come home he won't just sit around he will dive in to whatever he sees needs done wether it's to hang the last of the washing out, bath kids,make tea or finish making it once kids in bed then we flop lol. On the odd occasion I have been unwell he will happily hoover,clean bathrooms etc also after home work shift

No apart from cleaning up after himself.