What is it with my neighbour’s camper van?

[ArseInTheCoOpWindow]

They moved in 18 months ago. 4 bed semi. They have one child. Drive with carport and garage. They have 2 cars and bloody camper parked opposite my house. I hate it with a vengeance.

They never go on holiday in it. It never moves. His front door is always half open. This is the only door like this on the road.

Hes in and out of that cunting van every 2 minutes. He loves to pull the doors back and let them SLAM into position from 7.30 am every morning. He never seems to take anything into it, or out of it ever. But he’s in and out of it like a rat off a sinking ship every 5 minutes.

I hate him😖 Yank SLAM, yank SLAM , yankSLAM every bloody day all fucking day.

Whats going on in there?!😭

@ArseInTheCoOpWindow

Not either of those.

sadly not a huge detached house, funnily enough, when there was a 'we' we had lovely doors off various rooms & the front door was rarely used (we used the boot room door at the side.

Now it's just me, it's just a little place, but the row is 'back on' to the row across the road and the 'fronts' are in a lane. Neighbours are back & forth (I swear they all have ants in their pants!!, plus lots of deliveries & families visiting).

i think your (annoying twat opposite) is using it Breaking Bad style, I'd go ask him, casually...

I’ve got a neighbour with a Range rover, A car transporter, a wedding car AND a fucking Stock car he likes to rev on Sundays, he lives right on the corner of our cul-de-sac so he blocks off the whole avenue with the car transporter when he’s knobbing about playing musical cars on his drive😡
Give me a camper van any day, although the swish bang would give me the rage - I’d have to go and ask him what he was doing if it really is constant.
DH has a work van and he never lets the sliding side door make a noise.

A car transporter! Are you allowed them on the street?

I'd assume he's a senior figure in the SNP.

OP I live on a nice street but in a not so nice area with the camper van guy opposite and I leave my door unlocked but not opened as the locals tend not to rob from this estate, preferring the big detached houses in the locale with better cars and contents.
I think my camper van guy is just a dreamer, dreaming of setting off in his van like a free spirit so he’s ensuring it’s ready for the Big Day but sadly for all of us this hasn’t happened yet (and probably never will).

last Xmas he made a massive effort with decorations outside the house which no one could see on account of his camper van, that was fun.

Our neighbour has a VW camper van (which tbf he does at least park on his drive) that seems to require ten minutes of loud revving before he sets off to go anywhere. VVVVRRRRRM VVVVVVVRRRRRMMM vrrrmm vrmmm VVVVRRRRRRRRMMMMMM and then off it roars backfiring down the street. He’s back ten minutes later, and this repeats for an hour most weekends mornings in the summer. So I feel your pain.

I'm also really struggling to understand why he would have a Campervan and use it like this. I agree - the swish-BANG is an annoying nuisance - I have a Campervan on my drive and I'm very conscious of it even on campsites at night but I have no need to go in and out that often when it's on my driveway - the van gets quite a lot of use - about every 10-14 days - I've done 200m in September and have a 3 week 1000m trip starting tomorrow. My car battery will probably be flat or nearly so, when I get back (old-ish car).

What I can't understand is that the leisure battery and the vehicle battery will need to be charged regularly - he'd need to run a cable from the house to the van for the leisure battery and drive it to charge the vehicle battery. A van shouldn't be left standing as the sidewalls of the tyres suffer in the long run. Is the van a bit of a rusty heap? So no one's staying in it overnight? Anything unusual on the roof of the van - a satellite dish, aerial, unusual ventilation? Is he doing up the house?

Ffs, what's your problem with it? ;-)

My sympathies @ArseInTheCoOpWindow
I live in a small 80s terrace, it's quite flimsy, thin walls, when the neighbours slam the backdoor shut, my house shakes too.
Somebody said you must be exaggerating to describe it as every five minutes but at times I feel like my neighbours slam the back door ever 2 minutes. I have been waiting years for their dog to die but they recently got another younger dog.

Interesting. It’s newish. Looks like a lockdown purchase. No cables leading to or from it. Would it be a petrol van?

Tyres look blooming with health😒van 3 or 4 years old?

I was coming on to say the same thing.

You are going to have to sneak in at night, ninja style, install a hidden camera, review the footage and report back.

It is her business, he's a nuisance.

Why don’t you just ask him to close the door more quietly? Seems like a pretty simple solution.

They’re back from their holiday in their car.😒

Ill time the next swish bang.

He generally keeps the car transporter on his drive, I did think about reporting him, our house deeds don’t allow caravans (no mention of car transporters 🙄) to be kept on the drive if in front of the house but he has a bungalow built later than our house so the deeds may not be the same.

31 minutes. Fucking Swish bang. Fuck

They haven’t even unpacked the car yet

I'd have to move. Or get triple glazing.

Just been on Rightmove…..

You could get him one of these but change the wording to "annoying neighbours since you moved in" 😂

https://www.etsy.com/uk/listing/656184777/t25-t3-campervan-camper-swish-bang-funny

@ArseInTheCoOpWindow I only hook up the electric to the van (diesel) for about 3hrs every 10 days or so to recharge the leisure battery - the cable isn't down all the time. If he was a mobile mechanic that'd be why he keeps tools in the van but really they are ripe for being broken in to - is that all he's doing - getting and returning have tools? If he's taking them to the house - what is he doing in the house?

Why don't you go down and ask him about the noise and what he's up to? Maybe he's completely oblivious to the annoyance he's causing. If he's going in so regularly does he really need to close it properly - can't he leave it just pushed to and not slammed shut? Are there back doors to the van he could use? None of this makes sense to me - (possibly/relatively) expensive van sat doing nothing.

None of it makes sense to me either. A 50k can used for storage!

Hi OP, what's been the Swish-Bang count today?

Any nearer to working out what all the back and forth to the 'van is about?

It had been unusually low today. But it’s just started now. 😭

My money is on him not being able to vape or smoke in the house.