Funniest lines from a sitcom

[Kingsleadhat]

Could do with a laugh at the moment, so I'm wondering what are people's favourite funny lines from a sitcom or film? Mine is from Victoria Wood's Dinnerladies : "Tony Blair. Stick two poems up in a bus shelter and call it a university! ". Cracks me up every time

Love the scene in Peep Show where they're trying to bury the dog. 'Get the spade' and so on

Frasier hands down. Scene where Frasier and Niles sing

“Some boys run off to college, but we think they're all wussies, cause they get all the knowledge, and we get all the umpta-da-da-da umpta-da-da-da”

My Family - 'Death and Ben take a Holiday'

Priestt* : Well, we have to remember: "Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted." Matthew, 5: 6.
Nickk* : [shakes his hand] Nick, 6, 2.

So many wonderful posts!
Pretty anything from IT crowd but especially: 'This, Jen, is the Internet'
Father Ted of course, when the author of Bejewelled With Kisses is staying and Mrs Doyle disapproves but show a surprising knowledge of the books she claims she couldn't finish, quoting lots of 'rude' phrases; as Fr Ted escorts her to the kitchen, as the door closes on her: 'Ride me sideways was another one!'
And Joey in Friends: not getting moot point, thought it was 'moo point: like a cow's opinion: y'know doesn't mean anything'
Frasier could have a thread to itself

Frasier is a work of genius. My favourite is possibly when Niles' wife is pregnant and he starts wearing one of those sympathy baby harnesses with a bag of flour in it. 'I dreamed that someone kidnapped it and started sending me muffins in the mail.'

I love that line 🤣 Apparently it was entirely improvised by Chris Pratt

"Cat: not a dog" (Blackadder)

"You've arrived at the abode of Mr J Jarvis esq. Weclome!" (Still Game)

"Victor, would you like to get the door for the gentlemen?" [who has been buying a porn mag]
"Indeed I would not!" (Still Game)

"Sir, I feel that I must protest."
"OK, well let's just hope that it's not a dirty protest like last time, McKenzie!" (Inbetweeners)

"That's alright, Mrs Boyd-Peters, you can have that one on me" [when the men are gentlemanly taking the blame for a rather posh, windy lady's farts] (Dear John)

The whole scene around Ralph Dring's Mobile Discotheque (Dear John)

"If I came into your house and started sniffing at your crotch and slobbering all over your face, what would you say?"
"If you did it, Sir?!" (The Simpsons)

"Those are cow cocoons!" (Jam & Jerusalem)

"I came here to drink milk and kick ass... and I've finished my milk!" (The IT Crowd)

Similar in Frost where he is chasing someone in the countryside and vanishes into a hole in the ground.

Black Books is also hard to beat.
When Fran asks Bernard if he's ever had a girlfriend with a nice arse: 'There was one, I don't know if it was nice but it was… huge. There was this tremendous sense of value.'
And the huffy man when Bernard shuts the shop and kicks everyone out mid-afternoon: Huffy man: 'I expect better than this!' Bernard: 'Well, you can expect away.'

One of the best comedies ever written.

The scene where Dolly thinks she has taken the Viagra. “What’s going to happen to me next? Nose hair? Am I going to start driving with one elbow out of the window?”
Her delivery and facial expression is absolutely perfect. How they kept their faces straight watching her do that, I don’t know!

Cabin Pressure. Pretty much all of it, and especially Ottery St Mary and especially especially Douglas explaining to Arthur how it got its name.
Transcription courtesy of https://arianedevere.livejournal.com/17537.html

ARTHUR: Why’s it called that, then, Skip?
MARTIN: What?
ARTHUR: Ottery St Mary.
MARTIN: I’ve no idea.
ARTHUR: Do you know, Douglas?
DOUGLAS: Yes.
MARTIN: Do you?
DOUGLAS: Certainly I do. You see, St Mary is the patron saint of Devon and she, of course, was famously martyred by being eaten alive by otters.
ARTHUR: Really?
DOUGLAS: Oh yes – rabid otters. So she’s always portrayed in pictures absolutely covered in otters.
ARTHUR: What, eating her?
DOUGLAS: Sometimes, in the more fire and brimstone churches. Elsewhere, the assumption is they’re all in heaven now and have made up, so they’re just shown milling about her, nuzzling her affectionately and offering her ottery kisses and gifts of haddock.
MARTIN: Douglas ...
ARTHUR: Why would the otters go to heaven if they ate a saint?
DOUGLAS: You’ve put your finger, Arthur, as is so often your way, on the crux of a thorny theological problem. So far, our best guess is simply that St Peter’s got a real soft spot for otters. He looks into those whiskery faces and goes, (in an affectionate voice) “You guys! I can’t stay mad at you!” and lets them into heaven.

And The Thick of It when someone says to the hapless advisor played by Will Smith: 'What do you ask for when you go to the hairdresser, Disney prince?'

Oh Lord. Most of Friday Night Dinner and Miranda. And Blackadder.

Ross: No! No! No! Homo habilis was erect! Australopithecus was never fully erect!

Chandler: Well maybe he was nervous?

Also love moo point (which actually does make sense).

From Cheers...

Frasier: Everybody, I'd like you to meet my date, Dr. Lilith Sternin, M.D., Ph.D., Ed.D., A.P.A.
Woody : Boy, it sure isn't spelled like it sounds.

This is an absolute quality thread OP 👏
The best I've read in ages 😁

So so many from Frasiar, but two that pop into my head all the time. .....
Sherry is talking about her perfume, and how inexpensive it is,
Sherry: it's so cheap, for a hundred bucks I could buy enough to drown myself in.
Niles to Frasiar, as he reaches into his pocket, I have 40....
The Crane men are packing to go to a camping lodge,
Martin: I'll bring whisky in case of snake bite.
Niles: but there are no snakes at the lodge dad.
Martin : Ok, I'll bring a snake

Fawlty Towere when guest complains about the view

Basil says " What were you expecting to see out a Torquay hotel bedroom window? Sydney OperaHouse? The Hanging gardens of Babylon? Herds of wildebeest sweeping majestically across the plains

Anything from the Royle family especially the romantic fiction scene from The Queen of Sheba special and the one when Cheryl joins matchmaker matchmaker dating agency. Always watch you tube clips when I need cheering up.

RIP Caroline Aherne you absolute genius queen

"I'm hungry get me some wine"

After Life. Can't remember the guy's name but he was the flamboyant drama director.

"Have I told you about my sister? She's getting her arsehole bleached. I mean fuck me who's going to see that? Should see mine, mine's like a fucking compost heap."

I laughed so hard I was actually in physical pain. I'm still not over it!!

Frasier -

'I'm the broccoli of dating"

What would human Eddie's first words be? I hope, somebody get me a breath mint!

Marty blowing out his candles just as a blackout hits and Niles says 'Nothing wrong with Dad's lungs!'

Frasier poking out his minds eye.

All of Frasier really.

I also love Only Fools, it still makes me laugh out loud all these years later. It's a bic! Also, Trigger bumping his head on a sign that said 'Mind your Head' - ' I can't read!'

And a line the office USA from Robert California that I often quote....
Sometimes the flowers arrange them Jim. It's not funny but it stayed with me for some reason.

Frasier (again).

Sherry has made some ‘mock apple pie’ and he quips “Nothing spoils an apple pie quite like…apples!”

So many from the Royale Family but one we quote so often...

Jim: "Put your coat on, Barb"
Barbara: "why, are you taking me out?
Jim: "No, I'm turning the fire off"