Funniest lines from a sitcom

[Kingsleadhat]

Could do with a laugh at the moment, so I'm wondering what are people's favourite funny lines from a sitcom or film? Mine is from Victoria Wood's Dinnerladies : "Tony Blair. Stick two poems up in a bus shelter and call it a university! ". Cracks me up every time

So happy wafer thin ham has been mentioned 😂😂😂😂😂

Everybody loves Raymond. Marie said for every year you are over 50 you should add another inch to your hemline, to which her husband replies, in which case you should be dragging round a persian rug.

And Mick reading out Auden's funeral poem Stop All the Clocks at Nessa and Dave's wedding!

(To the dog with its personal megaphone from Frasier)

One Foot in the Grave.
There’s and episode where Victor is hiding in a cupboard in someone’s house. Unknown to him Patrick and Pippa (think it is Pippa’s brother’s house) are staying there.
Patrick opens the cupboard late at night and Victor says
’What are you doing here?’ So funny.

Another one for Frasier, when he's got carried away recording music for a radio play and has a whole orchestra in:

Niles: what happened to "less is more"?
Frasier: if less is more, just think how much more "more" would be.

Margaret's.

Lilith: ‘no sooner do I get the closet of my dreams than my husband comes out of it’

Joey: ‘Ross tell him that’s how they measure pants’
Ross: ‘Yes. Yes it is. IN PRISON’

Mrs Doyle on her new tea making contraption talking about the playful drip of milk into the tea turning it golden or words to that effect. ‘Maybe I LIKE the misery’. It’s all in her delivery. That and her fabulously smug face on guessing Father Todd Unctious.

When ordering a drink we look to Nessa. ‘I’ll have a pint. Of wine’

Its probably not correct now but my favourite insult is when Basil Fawlty calls Polly a 'cloth eared bint'.

Cold feet

Jenny’s boyfriend says he needs space.

’what is ut with men and space?’ She asks him. ‘What do you do with it?’

Yes Minister

When Humphrey tells the PM that his suggestion or plan is ‘brave’.

One Foot in the Grave
love the scene were Victor goes to answer the phone and picks up a dachshound instead.

Ha ha forgot that!!

But...you have reminded me of another classic. IT crowd at the owners funeral, someone starts to read that poem by saying 'I'm now going to read a poem I saw on four weddings and a funeral'

In the Royle Family. Barb, Jim, Denise in the car with Dave driving, listening to the Sat Nav.
Denise says, "Dave's never drove in kilometers before, have you Dave?"
Barb is incredulous that the Sat Nav knows where they are going when they only decided a couple of hours before.
That scene cracks me up every time.

Don’t know why but Alan Partridge telling Lynne “Lynne, will you stop going on about Benjamin Netanyahu” always sticks in my mind!!!! 🤣

In Friends when someone tells Joey he has no tv. Joey is amazed and says ‘what do you point your furniture at?’

In Motherland, Liz to Kevin’s Christmas dinner: ‘I’d Instagram that. If I was a dick’

The Royle family when Emmas' parents are coming
Barbara - "Jim! I'm only doing a finger buffet"
Jim - "Oh, finger my a**e"

Doctor in the House, the episode where the medical students have been told to put on a completely clean show for the patients
Terry - "We'll put on a show they'll never forget!"
Duncan- ".... yes, I can imagine"

2 from Phoenix nights for me:
Sammy the Snake
& the song “Come get your black bin bags”

Yeah hi Mum, I'm in Zurich!

Socks are like sex. Tonnes of it about and I never seem to get any.

(Prince Regent in Blackadder. I think of this literally every morning when I’m looking for socks.)

Another dinner ladies one:

"Here, love, have you seen my Clint? "

🤣🤣🤣

Father Dougal: "Ted! Did Len find the rabbits?"

Bishop (Len) Brennan: "What did he say?"

Father Ted: "Well er..."

Bishop (Len) Brennan: "Did he call me Len again? [shouts downstairs] You address me by my proper title you little bollocks"

Must have seen that scene over 50 times but still has me in stitches. Anyone that's grown up catholic will know the veneration afforded to the clergy, a veneration which that marvellous sitcom obliterated.

The Hot Priest:
"What was that? It wasn't a fox was it? Was it a fix?? Shine something! Boo! Bah!

They had to do this in one take!!

Not a sitcom, but from the film. 'Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries' We are off to France next week, and DH wants to visit the ruins if the castle where Richard 1st met his end. If you don't know, and I didn't, it is straight from Monty Python.

These are good biscuits! And they cost £4.