Disgusting rhymes you sang in the school play ground or yard (primary or secondary)

[UnctuousUnicorns]

We sang (in primary (mid 70s to early 80s):

Yellow belly custard
Green snot pie
All mixed together with a dead dog's eye.
Slap it on a butty,
Nice and thick,
Wash it all down with a cup of cold sick.

Utterly minging, I know. 🤮 We were such foul wee buggers. 😅

Were there any other horrors doing the rounds at your school(s)? No mean/nasty stuff please. 🙂

I'm Popeye the sailor man
I live in a caravan
Theres a hole in the middle
Where I do a piddle
I'm Popeye the sailor man.

Haha, I remember some of these, not so much the x-rated ones though; they say Catholics are the worst, but looking back I really was quite innocent! 😆

Eee by gum,
can yer belly touch your bum,
Do your tits hang low
Can you tie 'em in a bow
Can you throw them over your shoulder
Like a regimental soldier
Do your tits haaaang low?

His name was nobby hall and he stopped to raid a bank…

My name is Diana Ross and I'm a superstar
I've got the hips, I've got the tits, and all the latest hits
Turn around, touch the ground
Show your nicks

For some reason I remember all the words to this atrocious clapping song we used to do. Reading them back now, they are soooo cringe and vulgar.

"my name is Elvis Presley,
girls are sexy,
sitting in the backstreet,
drinking pepsi.
Bow to the King,
Curtsy to the Queen,
Show your knickers to the football team.
In the royal navy,
mum had a baby,
named it daisy,
became very lazy.
Salt, pepper, scooby dooby doo,
how many kisses can you do?"

Here’s Maggie thatcher (ideally you’d have a stick figure drawn on one hand)
throw her up and catch her
squish squash squish squash
heres Maggie thatcher (point to the other hand where you’ve drawn a big squiggly mess)

not the most disgusting, but I bet 6 year olds aren’t singing about killing Rishi Sunak…

can you tell I grew up in a pit village?

I remember getting wrong in year 5 for singing this .. 8 or 9 I would have been 😳

I missed a line. It's "mum had a baby, named it Daisy, dad went crazy, became very lazy".

At the end of secondary we were reciting...

The tale of Daniel Morgan, who had a tiny sexual organ.....

and also

The tale of Freddie Bloor, who's sexual equipment got stuck in the door....

They're both quite long but happy to put them here if anyone is interested.

How could I have forgotten the diarrhoea song. It's got about 50 verses.

There's a rumbling in your tum
Now it's squirting out your bum
DIARRHOEA!!
Pfff Pfff (fart sound with your armpit/or if you're not that skilled just blow a raspberry)
DIARRHOEA!!
Pfff Pfff!!

It's a watery type of poo
And it's running down your shoe
DIARRHOEA!!
Pfff Pfff!!
DIARRHOEA!!
Pfff Pfff!!

The toilet's filling up
So you do it in a cup
DIARRHOEA!!
Pfff Pfff!!
DIARRHOEA!!
Pfff Pfff!!

It's yellow red and green
The worst the doctor's ever seen
DIARRHOEA!!
Pfff Pfff!!
DIARRHOEA!!
Pfff Pfff!!

Ad nauseam

If you go down to woods today you’re in for a big surprise because mum and dad are having a shag and uncle frank is having a wank … it gets filthier but I can’t remember the rest.

We are the (school name) girls
we wear our hair in curls
we were our dungarees
down to our dirty knees
we don’t drink or smoke
that’s what our parents hope
and when it comes to toys
we’d rather play with boys
the boy next door
he got me on the floor
he shook me up and down
until I cried for more
and then my belly grew
and then my father knew
my mother jumped for joy
it was a baby boy

sang this song in year 5 and 6 😂

Mary had a little lamb,
She tied it to a pylon,
100 volts went up its bum,
And turned its wool to nylon.

He’s Popeye the sailor man
He lives in a caravan
when he gets chilly
he sucks on his willy
hes Popeyes the sailor man.

i think something was wrong with me as a child tbh 😂

I trickles down your leg like a Cadburys cream egg
Diarrhoea, diarrhoea

It shoots out your bum like a bullet in a gun
Diarrhoea, diarrhoea

🤣🤣🤣🤣

My names coco, I'm a monkey like you
I live on drugs and superglue
I've had several with Samantha Fox
But I'd rather have a bowl of coco pops

😳😳😳

Sex with, nor several.

Has no one mentioned uncle Billy and his 10ft willy yet?

To the tune of Scotland the Brave

Here comes a highland grannie
Two big tits and a hairy fanny

And same tune

Fart fart the beans are coming
Must be the ones I ate this morning
Go round the back and do a poo on the lawn

Smarty Farty had a party
All the farts were there
Tuti Fruity done a beauty
And they all ran out for air

Up above the streets and houses
Rainbow flying high
Geoffrey stuck his bum out the window
And pumped in Bumgles eye

Ma faither's a lavatory cleaner
He cleans a' the lavvies each night
And when he comes hame in the morning
His hauns are a' covered wi ...
SHINE up yer buttons wi Brasso
It's only tuppence a tin
Ye buy it or knock it fae Woolworths
Provided there's naebody in
(There were several more verses.)

Or, to the same tune

My husband's a jockey, a jockey
A jockey, a jockey is he
All day he rides horses, rides horses
And then he comes home and drinks tea

Thighdentitycrisis our1960s version was chocolate's made.

Jesus Christ Superstar
Walks like a woman
And he wears a bra.
Bra's too big, wears a wig
That's why we call him a sexy pig.

I think we also used to use the name of a famous footballer at the time instead of JC but I cannot remember who.

We had a slightly different version:

We are the teenage girls
We wear our hair in curls
We wear our dungarees up to our hairy knees
One day I met a boy
He gave me 50p
To lie upon the floor and have it off with me
My mummy was surprised
To see my belly rise
My daddy jumped for joy
It was a baby boy

Also (and I’m going to skip most of the “parlez vous” and repeats):
There was an old lady of 92, parlez vous (x3)
Who did a fart that missed the loo,
Inky pinky parlez vous
The fart went rolling down the street
Knocked a copper off his feet
The copper got out his rusty pistol
Shot the fart from here to Bristol
The Bristol Rovers were playing at home
Kicked the fart from here to Rome
Superman was drinking gin
Opened his mouth and the fart went in
The fart went rolling down his spine
And knocked his bollocks out of line
The fart came out the other end
If you want any more I can sing this again

If you go down to the woods today your in for a big surprise
If you go down to the woods today you better close your eyes
Cos mum and dad are having a shag
And uncle bob has lost his knob
And grandmas having it off
With grandad

🤣

It did dog shit, hairy fanny, juicy tit, you are not it.