Disgusting rhymes you sang in the school play ground or yard (primary or secondary)

[UnctuousUnicorns]

We sang (in primary (mid 70s to early 80s):

Yellow belly custard
Green snot pie
All mixed together with a dead dog's eye.
Slap it on a butty,
Nice and thick,
Wash it all down with a cup of cold sick.

Utterly minging, I know. 🤮 We were such foul wee buggers. 😅

Were there any other horrors doing the rounds at your school(s)? No mean/nasty stuff please. 🙂

On Top of a mountain all covered in snow,
I shot my poor teacher with arrow and bow,
I shot her for pleasure,
I shot her for pride,
How could I miss her,
She's forty feet wide.

Interesting. We sang Spain and Again instead of France and Pants. Are you northern?! I'm not, and France doesn't rhyme with Underpants here, so maybe that's the reason!

Our diarrhoea song went:

I was walking down the lane and I felt a sudden pain
Diarrhoea Diarrhoea

It shot through my bum like a bullet from a gun
Diarrhoea Diarrhoea

Trickled down my leg
Like a soft boiled egg
Diarrhoea Diarrhoea

I'm really enjoying this thread. Nice to see the variations on the beans rhyme

Pardon me for being so rude,
It was not me, it was my food,
it just popped up to say hello,
and now it's gone back down below <blows raspberry>

I think the ‘jumped from 40,000 feet without a parachute’ was originally a WWII paratrooper song as well. I remember it featuring on Band of Brothers.

Ahhhaaaaa, these are amazing, I love my friend Billy and his 10ft willy!

We also had
Old King Cole was a merry old soul, a merry old soul was he
He needed a shite in the middle of the night so he went to the WC
But the WC was occupied and so was the kitchen sink
But it must be done, it must be done, so out of the window he stuck his bum
PC Plod was waking by, and heard a rumbling in the sky
He looked up, it came down, now they call him PC Brown.

If you're a Geordie Girl who wears her hair in curls...
"A boy came up to me, he gave me 50p, he gave me fifty pence to go behind the fence.
He got me on the ground, he pulled my knickers down, and after 123, he stuck it into me"

I wonder what kids these days sing? You'd hope with inflation it'd be more than 50p.

That's so funny, I was coming on to add mine which I reckon we sang to the same tune:

On top of spaghetti, all covered in cheese
I lost my poor meatball when somebody sneezed.

It rolled off the table, it rolled on the floor,
And then my poor meatball rolled out of the door.

I think it went on for ages after that. Much more innocent than most of you lot
😂

I’m Southern and we had a different skipping rhyme that went “I see England, I see France, I see [name’s] underpants” so rhyming France with pants definitely wasn’t just a Northern thing (even though they don’t actually rhyme in my accent)

Tale tale tit
Your tongue will split
And all the doggies
Will have a piece of it.

There was a young lady from Ealing
Who had a peculiar feeling
She lay on her bed
And opened her legs
And pissed all over the ceiling.

I remember this in the school playground aged 10 😲

Hello Auntie Mary
Is your daughter very hairy
Round the old (sniff sniff) jam roll?

Go away you dirty sucker
Cos I know you want to fuck her
Round the old (sniff sniff) jam roll.

I'm mid 50s sitting in bed with a cuppa howling at these.
Uncle Frank having a wank 😆

We sang a (slightly cleaner!) version of this at Brownies in the 80s! The chorus was definitely the same.

Is where chocolate's made

We sang this aged 10. Who teaches these to their kids?!

And one, and one

The story's begun in the bedroom, all day, and all of the night, and two, and two

He took off my shoe in the bedroom, all day, and all of the night, and three, and three

Etc. Other verses were
He undressed me (3)
We fell to the floor (4)
He took me to heaven (7)

I can't remember them all.

When Susie was a schoolgirl, a schoolgirl Susie was she said "Miss! Miss! I've got my knickers in a terrible twist!"
In our version teenage Susie just said Ooh, Ahh, I've left my bra in my boyfriend's car. Nothing about knickers.

I remember my mother being horrified that it was only 50p in the 80's. Which is a whole different head fuck

I remember most of these and I taught my children the English Country Garden one a couple of weeks ago.

We had a skipping rhyme...

Bumper car, bumper car
Number 48
Whizzing round the coooorner
Slam on the brakes
Brakes don't work
How many people did we hurt....

Daisy, daisy, give me your answer do,
[The normal song, then this ending]
You'll look sweet, beneath the sheets with me on top of you.

In days of old, when nights were cold
And lavvies weren't invented
They wiped their arse, on blades of grass
To keep themselves contented

I saw a bird (I saw a bird)
With a yellow bill (with a yellow bill)
He landed on (he landed on)
My window sill
I coaxed him in
With a can of tizer
And then I put him
In a liquidiser

His clothes all come from tescos
Where rejects buy their best clothes

I can probably remember more - we were savage children!

OMG @ChemMouse i remember that version of it I was a 90s primary school girl 🙈

Gorblimey Mrs Murphy,
God bless my heart and soul.
I tried to fuck your daughter
But I couldn’t find her hole.

And when I found her hole
I couldn’t find my cock.
Gorblimey Mrs Murphy
It was an awful shock.

And when I found my cock,
I couldn’t make it rise
Gorblimey MrsMurphy
I tries and tries and tries.

And when I made it rise
I couldn’t get it in.
Gorblimey Mrs Murphy
It was an awful sin.

And when I got it in
And wiggled it about
Gorblimey Mrs Murphy
I couldn’t get it out.

And when I got it out
It was all red and sore
Gorblimey Mrs Murphy
The poor girl asked for more!

A few (well, probably around 30) years ago there was a lot of publicity about a teenage girl who had committed an unpleasant crime, and as evidence of her PURE EVIL the newspapers claimed that she had "made up" a song that went:

^Build a bommy, build a bommy
Put the school upon the top
Put the teachers in the middle
And burn the bloody lot^

"Hey, she didn't make that up, we sang that when I was at school," I said.

"Yes, and we sang that when I was at school," said my mother, who went to school in the 1940s.

She threw it, into the deep blue sea,
The fishes thought it was time for tea,
The fishes, got out their dishes,
and the had scallops and bollock for tea!

I'm Popeye the sailor man, I live in a garbage can
And when I go swimming, I kiss all the women
I'm Popeye the sailor man.
I'm Popeye the sailor man, I live in a caravan
I opened the door and I fell through the floor
I'm Popeye the sailor man.

We had a different English country garden one which wasn't about going to the loo but did have the repeated line:
'In an English count- in an English count- in an English count-ry garden!' (pronunciation!)

and something I recall even less of which was about someone who ate worms that turned out to be snakes. Refrain: 'mother come quick 'cause I feel very sick and I wanna lay down and die die die' - anyone else remember that?

Mugabe actually only had one ball. Apparently lost when tortured by Rhodesian gvt.