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Disgusting rhymes you sang in the school play ground or yard (primary or secondary)

335 replies

UnctuousUnicorns · 02/09/2023 20:12

We sang (in primary (mid 70s to early 80s):

Yellow belly custard
Green snot pie
All mixed together with a dead dog's eye.
Slap it on a butty,
Nice and thick,
Wash it all down with a cup of cold sick.

Utterly minging, I know. 🤮 We were such foul wee buggers. 😅

Were there any other horrors doing the rounds at your school(s)? No mean/nasty stuff please. 🙂

OP posts:
LylaLee · 03/09/2023 22:41

AIBAnxious · 03/09/2023 22:17

No way! To this day I've believed one of my childhood friends came up with this!! So it was all a lie? (Or we knew the same boy??)

Did your version also have the below?

It shot out from his bum
Like a bullet from a gun
Diarrhea
Diarrhea

He put it on a plate
And he gave it to his mate
Diarrhea
Diarrhea

He ate it in a hurry
Cos he thought it was chicken curry
Diarrhea
Diarrhea

www.hiboox.com/what-is-diarrhea-song/

VanillaImpulse · 03/09/2023 22:45

Onedayatatime22 · 03/09/2023 21:38

Zippy and Bungle went to the jungle trying to have some fun.
Zippy got silly and took out his Willy and put it in Bungle's bum.

London 1980s

This has reminded me of:

Zippy and bungle were in the jungle
Zippy climbed a tree
Zippy farted
An earthquake started
And the tree fell on...
Geoffrey

Friarclose · 03/09/2023 22:50

Ip dip dog shit
You trod in it
It's not because you're dirty
Its not because you're clean
My mum says you're a fairy queen so
Out you must go!

WTAF???

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latetothefisting · 03/09/2023 22:56

HobnobsChoice · 02/09/2023 20:19

"He jumped without a parachute from 40,000 feet" to the tune of mine eyes have seen the glory.
The gruesome lines were scraping him off the runway like a lump of strawberry jam and then the vicar spreading him on the toast.

I remember this, did your version end 'And he ain't gonna fly no mo-or-ore!'

Also remember the 'usual' version of x in a bed and the little one said, rollover, etc. but it ended 'and they all rolled over and one fell out, splat on the floor with his guts falling out, please remember, to tie a knot in your suspender, single beds are only made for 1, 2, 3, 4...(count to number starting next verse)'

And a rip off of the spice girls 'If you wanna be my lover, sex is 50p, condoms are one twenty, buy one get one free...!'

latetothefisting · 03/09/2023 23:08

@OCaroLiner yours just reminded me, we had an 'arthurian' version of your first one
In days of old when knights were bold
And condoms weren't invented
They wrapped a sock around their cock
And had to be contented!

someone mentioned the Hitler one being a ww2 song but the 'parlez-vous' one is from a marching song from WWI, (Mademoiselle from Armentières), tbf even the 'original' version of that was rude!

Hodge00079 · 03/09/2023 23:09

Some of these take me back.

Slightly different version of Popeye.

Popeye the sailor man
Lives in a caravan
Put on the gas and burnt has ass.
Popeye the sailor man

latetothefisting · 03/09/2023 23:12

Oh, and not a rhyme, but whenever we had school discos everyone stood in a circle and danced to 'ooh ahh a little bit more' (Gina G?) and T-spoon's 'sex on the beach,' complete with vigorous hip thrusting and sex 'actions' (while high on panda pops!) They came out in mid 90s so would have been between ages 7-11!

42coats · 03/09/2023 23:23

I have a terribly racist one:

Ching Chong China Man
Sitting on a bench
Trying to make a dollar out of sixty five cents
He missed, he missed, he missed like this!!

DirtyNumbAngel · 03/09/2023 23:26

Don't know if this has been done yet?

Seven wise men with knowledge so fine,
created a pussy to their design.
First was a butcher,
with smart wit,
using a knife, he gave it a slit

Second was a carpenter,
strong and bold,
with a hammer and chisel,
he gave it a hole,

Third was a tailor,
tall and thin,
by using red velvet,
he lined it within,

Fourth was a hunter,
short and stout,
with a piece of fox fur,
he lined it without,

Fifth was a fisherman,
nasty as hell,
threw in a fish and gave it a smell,

Sixth was a preacher,
whose name was McGee,
he touched it and blessed it,
and said it could pee,

Last was a sailor,
dirty little runt,
he sucked it and fucked it,
and called it a .

Sceptic1234 · 03/09/2023 23:31

KohlaParasaurus · 02/09/2023 22:35

My bonnie lies over the ocean
My bonnie lies over the sea
My daddy lies over my mummy
And that's how they got little me

My fiveskin lies over my foreskin
My foreskin lies over my three
Oh pull back, oh pull back...
Oh pull back my foreskin for me!

Sceptic1234 · 03/09/2023 23:40

Hitler, has only got one ball
Goring, has two but they are small
Himmler, has something similar
But poor old goebals
Has no balls at all

TFZ9287 · 03/09/2023 23:55

The Adams family started
When uncle fester farted
He farted through the keyhole
And paralysed the cat

All to the tune of the Adams family 🤣🤣🤣 there was a 2nd verse but for the life of me I can't remember it

rosyvalentine · 04/09/2023 11:11

NeverTrustAPoliceman · 02/09/2023 20:50

Thighdentitycrisis our1960s version was chocolate's made.

Jesus Christ Superstar
Walks like a woman
And he wears a bra.
Bra's too big, wears a wig
That's why we call him a sexy pig.

I think we also used to use the name of a famous footballer at the time instead of JC but I cannot remember who.

I think it was Georgie Best! (George, but Georgie rhymed better)

Ambergrain · 04/09/2023 12:28

God I must have gone to a rough school...

Ooh, aah, I've lost my bra
Must have left it in my boyfriends car
What were you doing with your bra took off
Shagging my boyfriend to his cock fell off
😂😂

BonneMamanIsMyJam · 04/09/2023 13:19

Theroom · 02/09/2023 21:49

We sang this aged 10. Who teaches these to their kids?!

And one, and one

The story's begun in the bedroom, all day, and all of the night, and two, and two

He took off my shoe in the bedroom, all day, and all of the night, and three, and three

Etc. Other verses were
He undressed me (3)
We fell to the floor (4)
He took me to heaven (7)

I can't remember them all.

When Susie was a schoolgirl, a schoolgirl Susie was she said "Miss! Miss! I've got my knickers in a terrible twist!"
In our version teenage Susie just said Ooh, Ahh, I've left my bra in my boyfriend's car. Nothing about knickers.

We sang this, ours was:
1, my story’s just begun (etc)
2, he’s taking off his shoe
3, he’s got me on his knee
4, he’s got me on the floor
5, we’re really alive
6, he’s taking off my knicks
7, we think we’re in heaven
8, the nurse is at the gate
9, the baby’s doing fine
10, by god we’re off again!

obviously with all the interludes in between. I remember my mum being furious when I taught it to my much younger brother

CoteDOpale · 04/09/2023 13:21

I don’t remember the whole song, but in yr 7 circa 2002 the one everyone sang had the lyrics ‘he pulled up my skirt and said it wouldn’t hurt, then he counted to three and then he stuck it in me’.

So 11/12 year olds singing about rape, basically. :(

upinaballoon · 04/09/2023 13:30

....But as it was the vicar's son
She thought it was all right.

WhyDoesItAlways · 04/09/2023 13:48

TFZ9287 · 03/09/2023 23:55

The Adams family started
When uncle fester farted
He farted through the keyhole
And paralysed the cat

All to the tune of the Adams family 🤣🤣🤣 there was a 2nd verse but for the life of me I can't remember it

The cat got all excited
And shouted man united
And man united shouted
The Adams fam-i-ly.

hookiewookie29 · 04/09/2023 14:05

Thighdentitycrisis · 02/09/2023 20:16

Milk, Milk,
lemonade
round the corner
……..

who can fill in the last line?

Chocolates' made!

Enjoyingthesedays · 04/09/2023 14:52

Hitler has only got one ball
The other is in the Albert Hall
His mother, the silly bugger, chopped it off when he was four

She threw it, into the coconut tree
It rebounded into the deep blue sea
The fishes, are having dishes
They're having scollops and bollocks for tea

Enjoyingthesedays · 04/09/2023 14:53

Build a bonfire build a bonfire put the teachers on the top
Put the dinner ladies in the middle and burn the effing lot

Sceptic1234 · 04/09/2023 15:52

Four and twenty virgins came down from inverness
By the time the ball was over there were four and twenty less
Singing balls against your partner, arse against the wall
If you cannea get shagged on a saturday night, you cannea get shagged at all

That was the chorus....countless verses, but the only one I remember is....

The bride was in the kitchen
Explaining to the groom
How the vagina and not the rectum
Is the entrance to the womb.

Dalekjastninerels · 04/09/2023 16:13

Chin Chinaman
How is Your Wife
Very Well Thank You
She's All Right

I had only seen anyone from China on telly (Irish primary school aged about 6)

Susie had a Boyfriend
Ooh Aah
She left her bra
In her Boyfriend's Car

Milk. lemonade...

Hitler...Himler something similar.

Started school aged 4 in 1975.

HonoriaLucastaDelagardie · 04/09/2023 16:54

Hitler...Himler something similar.

As said above, that's a WW2 song to the tune Colonel Bogey. Words probably originally sung by soldiers rather than schoolchildren.

BingandSulaandFlop · 04/09/2023 18:48

The Addams family started
When Uncle Fester farted
He farted through the keyhole
And paralysed the cat
The cat got all excited
And shouted Man United
And Man United shouted
The Addams Family

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