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Original poster

DH has ruined the house

194 replies

Rabbitingonandon · 01/09/2023 09:03

He's tidied and cleared out the garage, so he can put an office in there. But we are left with a load of garage crap dumped in the house. I currently have suitcases at the bottom of the stairs, boxes and bags of stuff in the kitchen and on the sofa. The dining room table has water pistols and tennis rackets on it. I'm supposed to be wfh. I can only hope he plans to sort all this stuff but to where I don't know as there is literally no where for it to go

OP posts:

NoSquirrels · 01/09/2023 12:28

When he said ‘I’m going to clear out the garage so I can move my office in there’, didn’t you discuss where the garage stuff was going to live?

AdoraBell · 01/09/2023 12:41

If simply asking what he plans do with the stuff will cause an argument then he is being abusive.

midgemadgemodge · 01/09/2023 12:45

If saying "you've ruined the house " causes an argument , don't be surprised

lastminutewednesday · 01/09/2023 12:48

Put it back in the garage with an accessible route through it to his desk.

Greenberg2 · 01/09/2023 12:49

This is becoming a really clear pattern: men who are behaving really unreasonably by taking action that will disrupt other people without any consultation, then getting annoyed if it's raised with them. It really pisses me off.

OP I completely get it. And all those people who are making out you're being a drama queen or unreasonable wouldn't like it if it happened in their houses either.

Soontobe60 · 01/09/2023 12:52

Who will be using the office?

Greenberg2 · 01/09/2023 12:55

Autumn7 · 01/09/2023 12:10

Such drama. You've got time to share about a few suitcases to the world and be ' fuming '. 🙄Why don't you just put them in the car for now. Take to tip / charity later. Its good he's got a new office no?

Such ignorance. It's not a few suitcases it's stuff all over the house. And the assumption that she'll sort it all out. Lovely 🙄. If it's in the garage, there's a very strong chance it's something the OP needs, so how will it help when she's going on holiday and has no suitcases because they've all been taken to the tip or the charity shop...

DisquietintheRanks · 01/09/2023 12:56

Posts like this are just fucking bizarre. Are you saying he woke up this morning and started turning the garage into an office with no discussion or forewarning?

Have you not discussed this? Is it really a total shock that stuff would be displaced? Why is it, and the aftermath, down to him to sort? Why can you not talk to him? Why does he not talk to you?

midgemadgemodge · 01/09/2023 12:59

Greenberg2 · 01/09/2023 12:49

OP I completely get it. And all those people who are making out you're being a drama queen or unreasonable wouldn't like it if it happened in their houses either.

Where is the evidence that there was no consultation? I mean something must have been said since the OP knows exactly why the stuff has been moved

Are you suggesting that her DH said "I think we should convert the garage to the office " the op said "no" there was a blazing row and he ignored her ?

Topseyt123 · 01/09/2023 13:02

I'm rather surprised by the harsh responses you have had here. This would drive me nuts and I do have a DH who would certainly do this sort of thing.

Mine is also a DIY disaster area who doesn't accept his limitations and has caused problems, some of which have been very expensive to rectify.

Of course you are not being unreasonable about not wanting this shit cluttering your home and work area, but you and your DH were both unreasonable not to have communicated at the beginning. He should probably have hired a skip for when he began the job, into which all crap could have been flung at the time and only necessary stuff kept back - assuming that he is capable of deciding what is rubbish and what isn't (mine tends to think that everything "might come in handy" and is barely capable of getting rid of anything).

I'd tell him that if it wasn't sorted by X date I'd be getting clearance people in and/or hiring the skip myself, and I'd expect help from him to get it into said skip.

diddl · 01/09/2023 13:13

Whose stuff is it?

Can some of it be in the owner's bedrooms for the time being?

Will there still be some storage once the office is in situ?

elfies · 01/09/2023 13:27

He's made an office ,and filled your workspace with his bits and pieces, So untill his junk is moved I'd be working from HIS new office. Simples !

L0bstersLass · 01/09/2023 13:31

Dramatic much @OP?

He hasn't ruined the house and there is not "literally shit everywhere".

knobkopf · 01/09/2023 13:36

I can only hope he plans to sort all this stuff but to where I don't know as there is literally no where for it to go

So what did he say when you asked him what his plans were...

This is yet another one of these MN posts I don't understand.
Surely you talked about the plans for turning the office into a garage? So, why not ask then where the stuff was going to go?
And when he starts randomly moving stuff onto the sofa or dining room table, why not "Er... sorry DH but that can't stay there because I need the dining room table for my workspace", "Er no... DH, that stuff can't go on the sofa because we need to sit there".
Frankly I would just take it all back into the garage and pile it up in a corner later.

But like a lot of these MN posts I don't understand, perhaps the reason why you can't communicate in a straightforward way is because he's aggressive and you are afraid of him?

MassiveOvaryaction · 01/09/2023 13:39

@Rabbitingonandon if there was literal shit everywhere then you'd have a point about him 'ruining' the house. Are you always so dramatic?

MariaAshley · 01/09/2023 13:40

All the "sort it yourself" posts 🙄 it's Friday and OP works from home. He's just prevented her doing that effectively. Unless she clears up the mess he's created first, which would make her late starting work. That's not ok of him. "Have a conversation" when she's made it clear he's an abusive twat who is just going to kick off at a reasonable question, isn't helpful advice. I'm willing to bet OP knew nothing of his plans until she found the mess in her workspace. I'm also willing to bet this isn't a home improvement job that'll be done properly and add value to the house, but a husband's life improvement DIY bodge-job and that the new garage office is going to be for his sole use.

If you've got a nice big dining room table OP, one that's able to accommodate a huge pile of crap he's dumped there - Why didn't he just sit there with you and work from home?

Do you have DC at home so he's decamping to the garage as a way of leaving you with all the interruptions from DC to deal with? Is he trying to sabotage your job deliberately today? Has he done this before?

TBH I'd be looking to exit the relationship - it's unhealthy, he doesn't respect you and you're scared of him (if you weren't you'd be able to talk to him about all this mess). That's no basis for a marriage.

DefinitelyYouNotMe · 01/09/2023 13:43

People seem to be assuming that even if converting the garage was discussed, OP perhaps didn’t expect him to dive in and that some people don’t think things through before excitedly just diving into a job. I know people like that - men and women.

I can well imagine him brushing off ‘oh I’ll sort out the stuff in there’. Completely underestimating how much there was or how much work is involved in the sort out.

Thelonelygiraffe · 01/09/2023 13:43

Also, hyperbole - he has not 'ruined' the house; he's dumped belongings all over it.

But you should be able to talk civilly about changes you both wish to make to the house. You should not be scared of your h.

DefinitelyYouNotMe · 01/09/2023 13:49

It might feel ruined to her. Who are any of us to nitpick at OPs language, she feels how she feels and we all use colloquialisms which aren’t intended as literal definitions.

MrsElijahMikaelson1 · 01/09/2023 13:56

Tell him to get rid of it either by selling or via the bin; or put it in his new office as it’s not staying in yours

tiredofthenoise · 01/09/2023 14:25

Forget him being upset, this would make me angry, and I'd be the one starting the argument if he didn't have a plan to put the house back the way it was, immediately. The relationship isn't worth much if you can't raise issues with him for fear of an argument.

midgemadgemodge · 01/09/2023 14:28

I see the op hasn't been back to clarify what the previous discussion had been and what the agreed plans were

Canthave2manycats · 01/09/2023 14:47

I'm just puzzled why the decluttering didn't take place before the DH started the work?

I'd be delighted to have a DH who would take on a project like that (assuming he's capable) because mine is lazy and useless at DIY!

We recently decluttered our garage as it was ridiculous and we couldn't put the things in it that we needed to. However, we did it on dry days, and chucked everything in the garden/drive while we sorted it. We already had a skip for building work, so we filled that, then hired a 'man with a van' to get rid of the rest of it.

Garden furniture and BBQ now fit back in said garage.

DH also has a man cave and wfh from it over the summer. No doubt he will be back plaguing me from the kitchen before too long... 🙄

@Rabbitingonandon I know you're had some harsh responses but can you set some context here? I don't understand why your DH would lose the plot if you speak to him about this? Though if you start with, "I can't believe you have ruined the house", then maybe I can!

Canthave2manycats · 01/09/2023 14:49

PS I would probably have lost my shit if the stuff from the garage had been fecked all over my house too; I get that!

Maybe though approaching it from a practical point of view would be more productive!

Original poster

Rabbitingonandon · 01/09/2023 15:01

ConnieTucker · 01/09/2023 11:44

I assume his plan will be for you to get so annoyed that you will clean it up.

Yup, this. To confirm, he mentioned the idea of turning the garage into an office. He didn't say he would do it that same night while I was out. He insinuated that he would simply be moving stuff around in the garage to accommodate. Not clearing it out and dumping it the house. He was wfh for years and never needed a specific space for a desk. We don't have a spare room. I'm fuming over the mess,it will be left for me to take to the tip, for me to clear/sort, as he would happily live amongst the crap. I know if I ask him to sort it, then he say he'll do it. It won't be done for ages. I'll get pissed off. He'll get pissed off for me keeping asking him to sort.

OP posts:

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