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Original poster

DH has ruined the house

194 replies

Rabbitingonandon · 01/09/2023 09:03

He's tidied and cleared out the garage, so he can put an office in there. But we are left with a load of garage crap dumped in the house. I currently have suitcases at the bottom of the stairs, boxes and bags of stuff in the kitchen and on the sofa. The dining room table has water pistols and tennis rackets on it. I'm supposed to be wfh. I can only hope he plans to sort all this stuff but to where I don't know as there is literally no where for it to go

OP posts:
MichelleScarn · 01/09/2023 09:57

LunaNorth · 01/09/2023 09:14

Ah, the aftermath of a man job.

Get him told.

Yep.
Has he done 'his bit' moving it out of the garage and he's kindly expectant you'll sort it from here?

MagpiePi · 01/09/2023 10:01

MichelleScarn · 01/09/2023 09:57

Yep.
Has he done 'his bit' moving it out of the garage and he's kindly expectant you'll sort it from here?

Show quote history

Absolutely this.

In his mind, things that are on the table or at the bottom of the stairs get magicked away by the housework fairies.

SBHon · 01/09/2023 10:08

I would go in non confrontationally and say the garage things in the house are really stressing me out, what’s the plan?

If he still starts and argument after that he’s a dick.

ButterRoad · 01/09/2023 10:10

YourNameGoesHere · 01/09/2023 09:18

Why will it cause an argument? It's a perfectly reasonable question. If he flies off the handle at at a simple question maybe the next question should be how can I leave this relationship.

This.

Whataretheodds · 01/09/2023 10:10

He will get pissed off when I mention it/,it will cause an argument.

Guessing that's a regular occurrence?

It would be TOTALLY normal and reasonable to ask, with, 'what's your plan for this stuff, and when, darling?' And for him to have a plan to get it put away or disposed of within the week.

If he flies off the handle at that simple enquiry you you have other issues.

AnneLovesGilbert · 01/09/2023 10:11

No he hasn’t. He’s made a mess and he needs to clear it up.

SpamFrittersYouSay · 01/09/2023 10:12

Do you not discuss things like this beforehand?

mrsm43s · 01/09/2023 10:13

CharlotteBog · 01/09/2023 09:54

I think there drama is down what the OP says: "He will get pissed off when I mention it/,it will cause an argument."

Show quote history

TBH, if I was in the middle of a big decluttering job, which my DH wasn't helping with, I'd be mighty pissed off if he then started whinging at me about the temporary mess it created. And actually, if as part of a decluttering job, I came across lots of my DH's stuff, I'd expect him to sort through his own stuff rather than leave it all to me. It probably would cause an argument if I was working hard to do a necessary job and my OH accused me of "ruining the house" (whilst not helping).

How on earth is her DH meant to clear the garage for conversion if he can't move any of the clutter out of there? And surely everyone wants to make their own decision of what of their clutter they keep and what is tipped? And are responsible for sorting their own possessions?

I genuinely don't see what the DH has done wrong. He's been proactive and got on with a job that needs doing. Presumably the extra office space will add value to the house, and create a better working environment which will benefit the family. It's a good thing this job is being done, surely? I would imagine if he hadn't got on with this, then OP would be whinging that the garage needed clearing for the conversion and her OH hadn't lifted a finger...

BaronessBomburst · 01/09/2023 10:13

Load it all into his car. He can tip or charity shop the lot at his leisure.

Alwaysdecorating · 01/09/2023 10:14

When did he actually start doing this though?

If he has been clearing it for a day/week and working through the stuff I don’t see the issue. Whenever you sort stuff out, there’s a mess out somewhere else first. You sort the are you are doing the. Sort out the left over stuff.

If I was working through sorting our garage out and dp moaned about a temporary mess and saying I ruined the house, I would probably be annoyed to.

If he is intending to leave the house a mess and it’s been like this for months, then yanbu and he needs to sort it asap.

TooOldForThisNonsense · 01/09/2023 10:15

How has he ruined the house?

Tell him to get it tidied away or you’ll be taking it all to the dump.

Gowlett · 01/09/2023 10:19

Has to get worse before it gets better. That’s what I tell DH when I’m doing a clear-out. He never clears out his stuff & just lives with a bursting wardrobe, cupboard of doom etc… I prefer to sort things out, but it does create temporary mess.

The problem is if he expects you to sort it out…

Gettingbysomehow · 01/09/2023 10:19

I'd be so infuriated I'd probably pass out OP. So his idea of tidying the garage is just to dump the stuff in the house for you to deal with.
Of course he has no plans to deal with this stuff. That's what women are for.
I'll come and help you lay your new patio.

Cardboardcup · 01/09/2023 10:21

Nope that would piss me off. My husband is the same, rarely thinks ahead. We have a big cupboard under the stairs. It’s where all the coats, bags, shoes, box of hats and scarves, hoovers, mops etc live. If he’s said once that he wants to put a downstairs toilet in he’s said it 1000 times. We have no loft as it’s been converted and no other storage. Whenever I ask where we’ll keep all the stuff in there he has no answer because there is nowhere!

Redburnett · 01/09/2023 10:26

I would suggest you fill the car up with anything remotely saleable that is not used regularly (eg tennis rackets) and take the lot to a charity shop. Your DH can go and buy back anything he was desparate to keep. Anything the charity shop rejects can go in a bin on your way home - obviously if DH goes to charity shop to buy it back it has already 'gone'. If he is angry or complains say something along lines of 'Oh, I'd forgotten we had that/those, we haven't used them for years so i gave them to charity, never mind you can always buy them back, it's a very worthwhile charity.' Then a quick exit for a walk while he digest this.

ThatSunCreamSmell · 01/09/2023 10:26

Is it an office for both of you?

midgemadgemodge · 01/09/2023 10:27

Or she could just talk to him and find out what he plans ?

He's dining sone work on the giaue of course it will be chaotic

CheshireCat1 · 01/09/2023 10:28

Haven’t you got any loft space? If not you could buy a shed.

uncomfortablydumb53 · 01/09/2023 10:34

He started clearing out, he can finish it
It always gets worse before it gets better
Is he usually argumentative?

Hibiscrubbed · 01/09/2023 10:35

“Sort all the shit out or I’m getting waste collectors in. Cheers.”

PrrrplePineapple · 01/09/2023 10:35

As everyone else has said, you just need a conversation. Who cares if he gets pissed off, you're already pissed off. His emotions do not trump yours. Give him a deadline and tell him the mess needs to be cleared by Sunday and leave him to it. If he doesn't do it, hire someone for a few quid per hour and get them to cart all the stuff back out into the garage where your DH can fester among the mess instead of having it affect the entire household.

SpongeBobJudgeyPants · 01/09/2023 10:35

I can see why are you are very cross, I would be fit to tie myself. I do think your title is a bit hyperbole though. Grin

ZadocPDederick · 01/09/2023 10:40

Surely when you decide on something like this you plan it properly? What did your husband think was going to happen to all that crap? My DH has been doing something similar in our garage, but before he put anything else in there he systematically sorted the contents out - either they got thrown/recycled/sent to charity shops, brought back into use in the house if they were actually needed, or stored in a shed.

If your DH doesn't want to sort the garage stuff or throw it, he needs to make immediate alternative storage arrangements and take everything there.

IVFbeenverylucky · 01/09/2023 10:41

Clearly he has not sorted out the garage. Sorting out means throwing stuff away or putting it away. Moving things from A to B is not sorting things out at all!
I'd move it back into the garage and tell him to put things away somewhere else one at a time.

JSmithIloveyou · 01/09/2023 10:41

I'm not sure what you're asking us? Ask him?