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Original poster

Would you choose your partner again if you met now?

158 replies

Ceramekin · 25/08/2023 07:36

I guess it’s a question to those who have spent some time together… Knowing their character, taking into account how you both have changed physically and in personality, would you marry them?

OP posts:
Maplestars · 25/08/2023 10:32

Yes! A million times over

heathspeedwell · 25/08/2023 10:35

Like a shot. He's the funniest man I've ever met and he's getting better looking as we get older (although sadly I'm in decline!).

Iliketulips · 25/08/2023 10:39

Yes, we've been married 27 years. He moans a lot, but its just his way of letting of steam. He's easy going, myself and DD are his world so very lucky. We've got things we've always enjoyed doing together, but I've become passionate about a hobby of his so its worked out perfectly.

stonedragon · 25/08/2023 10:39

foulksmills · 25/08/2023 07:48

Fuck no!! I'd kill to go back in time and run like Hell at the very first red flag that my young, dumb, insecure self stupidly ignored.

Me too. I wish I could go back and undo that enormous mistake. My ex husband that is. I'm now single and he's still abusive but thankfully I don't have to have anything much to do with him.

I will never be so deceived again. How naïve I was.

eandz13 · 25/08/2023 10:46

Without a shadow of a doubt, yeah.

orangegato · 25/08/2023 10:48

This is a tough one. People mentioning how lovely and selfless and supportive their husbands are makes me realise I don’t have that.

But no one else has come close to what I do have. Fuck me my bar is low.

Tiredalwaystired · 25/08/2023 10:58

Definitely 🙂

BananaSlug · 25/08/2023 11:11

My ex no. I’m not in a relationship now but would have never chosen my ex and regret it so much. But then I get told that I wouldn’t have the children I have now but I would have loved any children I had so not convinced that makes a difference! No I wouldn’t have met him regardless.

foulksmills · 25/08/2023 11:11

stonedragon · 25/08/2023 10:39

Me too. I wish I could go back and undo that enormous mistake. My ex husband that is. I'm now single and he's still abusive but thankfully I don't have to have anything much to do with him.

I will never be so deceived again. How naïve I was.

Show quote history

We don't find out til it's too late 😔

Mine's turned into a paranoid conspiracy theory freak since Covid. And he gets actually angry that I don't want him spouting his nonsense at me (he doesn't talk to me, he talks at me). He thinks I should be fawning over him. He thinks everyone should be!

Kazzyhoward · 25/08/2023 11:22

@foulksmills

We don't find out til it's too late

I think in a minority of cases, yes, sometimes people can change for the worse.

But I'm pretty certain that most people don't change that much and that warning signs/red flags were there back in the early days. Trouble is that in the early days of a relationship, rose-tinted glasses mean you don't notice the signs or people just assume that the other will change or that they can make them change, to suit them.

It's exactly why I took my time, took things very slowly and ensured I really knew OH before I started to get serious with him. I wanted to see his weaknesses, flaws, etc., I wanted to see him stressed, I wanted to see him handle problems, etc.

It's too easy to let emotions take over and blank out problems. Too much "heart over head" when it should be "head over heart" when it comes to long term relationships.

AmazingSnakeHead · 25/08/2023 11:30

No, I absolutely would not. I'm positive that he wouldn't choose me either. We fundamentally do not understand each other, and have very little in common.

MadMadMad · 25/08/2023 11:35

Absolutely yes, he’s the best thing that ever happened to me.

AmazingSnakeHead · 25/08/2023 11:35

These replies are lovely I'm so glad that there's people out there who experience genuine, life affirming love on a daily basis.

MissCherryCakeyBun · 25/08/2023 12:03

I so wish I had met him 20+ years before I did would have saved me a lot of black eyes and cracked teeth from my ex partner and ex husband.... 3rd time lucky for me ten years together and 18 months married with 4 adult daughters we are blissful

LifeIsShambolic · 25/08/2023 12:05

Nope, if I could turn back time and never meet him I would (but then I wouldn't have my amazing children 😔).
We have been together 20 years and I won't leave as I dont want to affect my children's lifestyle.
He is definitely one of life's plodders, never organised a thing for us, his family. I am 100% the driving force in our lives and its exhausting. If I had my time again I wouldn't settle for 'steady and dependable' because for me that has translated into 'lacking motivation and drive'.
I wish we could see the future sometimes.

foulksmills · 25/08/2023 12:14

@Kazzyhoward Absolutely, I think in my case it's a bit of both. Huge red flags ignored and also something was awakened in him during Covid. I think the potential was always there but that's what 'flipped the switch' as it were.

Cowlover89 · 25/08/2023 12:15

Yes

Firsttimecaller · 25/08/2023 12:17

No

hellswelshy · 25/08/2023 12:19

Definitely yes!

KezzaMucklowe · 25/08/2023 12:29

I don't know tbh. I've not really said that "out loud" before. Im not even sure if i want to be together now. I love him but I don't know if I want this to be it forever. We only get one life.
We are just here together. I'm possibly having a mid life crisis so not sure tbh.

GettingStuffed · 25/08/2023 12:33

I honestly don't know, most of the time we're out but ATM we're going through a very stressful situation and all we do is argue

MeinKraft · 25/08/2023 12:35

I don't know. The thought of not having my children is so awful. But he's become really selfish and lazy over the years. He says he's depressed but doesn't go to the doctor about it. I don't think he is depressed, I think he's just horrible.

LittleLegsKeepGoing · 25/08/2023 12:46

It's tricky because without him I wouldn't have my amazing daughters. I might have different children, but I wouldn't have these ones (I think that makes sense!).

But no, if me a couple of decades ago could see how my husband would change as he got older I'd have swerved a relationship with him. In all honesty, he'd probably say the same about me. We've both changed, I now exercise and am far more active all round. He's gotten lazier and more entitled - that just doesn't balance well.

I will admit it's lovely to see that so many people are saying yes though. It must be bliss to grow older together in mutually complimentary ways.

xogossipgirlxo · 25/08/2023 12:52

Totally. He’s even 100x better person than he was when I met him.

Ceraunophile · 25/08/2023 13:11

I don’t know

My life is better with him in it, we’re a good team for our younger children but clash hugely on parenting our teenagers. I couldn’t have foreseen this when we only had younger children, our values align but our way of achieving that doesn’t as the children get older

He does a lot for me and for the family but doesn’t listen to me or make me feel like he values my opinions. He also misunderstands what I’m saying a lot (not just me he misunderstands everyone- he’s very literal and doesn’t get subtext) which makes me feel like he doesn’t ‘get me’

We’re both quite reactive so have stupid arguments over nothing.

We don’t have many shared interests which doesn’t bother me at all as I’m an introvert and like my own company but annoys him a bit as he would like to work out with his partner or play tennis or do water sports with them etc.

I think I want someone who make me feel adored and special every day, but if I had that 1 I wouldn’t believe it and 2 it would probably piss me off having someone fawning over me

Reading this back I am basically still a toddler 😳😳 so the question should probably be would he choose me