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Would you choose your partner again if you met now?

158 replies

Ceramekin · 25/08/2023 07:36

I guess it’s a question to those who have spent some time together… Knowing their character, taking into account how you both have changed physically and in personality, would you marry them?

OP posts:
ShutTheDoorBabe · 25/08/2023 09:03

Yea probably

MermaidMummy06 · 25/08/2023 09:05

No. He's a great guy and treats me well, but it's not enough .

If his nasty, abusive family had shown their true colours earlier & he'd shown his lack of spine to pull them into line, I would have run.

Also he turned out to be completely unambitious, wouldn't leave this country town we live in 'cities are too busy, coast too hot' and falls asleep on the couch as soon as he sits down. I do everything, including the kids stuff - he's never cooked a proper meal.

He's also completely unsocial unless it's his hobby group.

We've had great times travelling & get along ok, I just wish I'd had the courage go out there on my own instead.

Devilsmommy · 25/08/2023 09:06

AllotmentTime · 25/08/2023 09:03

😂 If you can also say "who else would gang up on the kids with me" then yes, yes I think we have 🤣

🤣 we've only got the 1, 11mo but with how cheeky they both are I'm probably gonna be the one getting ganged up on🤣🤣

NeverTrustAPoliceman · 25/08/2023 09:06

Absolutely. In so many ways he is the best man I have ever met.

TheYadaYada · 25/08/2023 09:06

100%

Best decision I ever made.

travelogue · 25/08/2023 09:10

Yep, a billion times over. He's a lovely man and a great husband and father. Can't fault him. He's not perfect and neither am I and It's not to say we haven't ever had an argument but it's not conflict that matters it's how it's resolved.

fettuccini · 25/08/2023 09:11

I will start this by saying I love my husband very much and wouldn't want to be without him now. He is kind, supportive, funny, handsome etc. We have shared interests and views on almost everything. All the things I'd want. But if we had met in our current state I don't think either of us would have given each other the time of day to be honest. We've both gained too much weight and are both physically very different compared to when we met. I just don't think I would fancy him if he was a stranger. I hate beards and he's got a big bushy one. It hides his lovely face. I do still fancy him now, because I know him, I know his personality etc. I'm also older and fatter and probably much more grumpy than I was in my 20's. I doubt he would fancy me if he saw me in the street.

LBFseBrom · 25/08/2023 09:12

Yes, I would choose my late husband (and hopefully he would choose me :-)), but I would not get married so quickly. I would want us to live together for a while and then marry, buy house etc. We did rather rush things but, having said, that and apart from those couples who were going out together from their teens, most people we knew in the early to mid1970s did marry within two years, even eighteen months, of meeting and most did not live together beforehand. I found plunging into marriage, having bought a very small house in need of renovation, extremely difficult; so did he though he never said so.

However, we cannot go back in time. We made the best of it after a few hard years and loved each other. You get there in the end.

Unicorntastic · 25/08/2023 09:17

I wouldn’t, he’s essentially a good man but has a bad temper and whereas with age I’ve chilled out more (mostly)he has gone the opposite way and is always moaning about something.

radroa · 25/08/2023 09:20

Probably not. I love him but I would choose someone that doesn't have children or an ex they're tied to.

I would want all of that to disappear but he wouldn't be him without those experiences, I adore him as he is. But I don't want/can't have children and wish I wasn't having to pick up after one/be around one most of the time. I resent having to adjust my life to his ex and him giving her money even though he's 50/50. He's a good man and tries to co-parent best he can, I will always support that, but given the opportunity I wouldn't have fallen in love.

MilkofMagnesia · 25/08/2023 09:26

Yes though I would never have chosen two members of his family ever again.

AngelinaFibres · 25/08/2023 09:28

First husband absolutely not. We should have had lots of sex and lots of fun with no marriage and no children and no financial ties. Once I wanted a house and children and security I should have married second husband. I found him in the end and ge is brilliant but there was a whole lot of pain and heartache in between

reelcat · 25/08/2023 09:30

Yes!

Tiddlywinks63 · 25/08/2023 09:35

No.

redshoes2017 · 25/08/2023 09:40

No I wouldn't. The man I fell in love with changed after the first year - for the past 14 years he's been an absolute pig. One day I will have the courage to leave .

FightingFate · 25/08/2023 09:58

Yes. We met at 19 and and been together 25 years this year. He’s lovely, the kindest person I’ve ever met, he’s always on my side and is a great father. We’ve been through everything together and he’s the person I trust with everything.

KimberleyClark · 25/08/2023 10:01

Yes absolutely.

BaaCode · 25/08/2023 10:09

Definitely. We've been married over 40 years and and his priority has always been to put me and the kids first.
I wouldn't swap him for anything.

Kazzyhoward · 25/08/2023 10:13

Yes, no doubt about it. But then again, we didn't rush into anything back then (nearly 40 years ago), took our time getting to know each other property before getting serious, etc, over several years! If there'd been any red flags, I'd have chucked him before we committed. But as it was, we took things slowly, one step at a time, then we moved on to each stage, when we were both ready.

He was my second boyfriend. The first one got dumped after a few months as he was a "taker", he wouldn't learn to drive so expected me to ferry him around all the time (meaning I couldn't drink and had to pay for fuel etc which he never offered to pay, nor did he offer to buy rounds of drinks!), he was unemployed and soon became obvious it was because he was a lazy/arrogant sod who expected a high paid easy job without making any effort, he lied to get a free council flat when he could have lived with his parents, etc. On the surface, he was fine, attractive, attentive, etc., but scratch the surface and he was just an arrogant self obsessed demanding man child. I met one of his friends a few years back and found out he'd got 5 children with 4 different women, never had a long term job, still living on the dole, string of failed relationships behind him, etc. So glad I saw the signs and ran for the hills!

DueyCheatemAndHow · 25/08/2023 10:15

No. I just need to get the courage to pull the plug and stop hoping it will get better.

Londontown12 · 25/08/2023 10:15

Absolutely 100% married 25 years this years been together 27years !
He is my best friend ! And lover !
He is the best dad to our 2 adult children and has always supported me throu career change to health issues and beyond and I do the same for him we are a team and have each others backs x

TickTockBaby · 25/08/2023 10:18

Sunnydale1999 · 25/08/2023 07:58

Hell no. We've grown up to be two totally different people with nothing in common other than children and a shared history. I know for a fact he wouldn't choose me either.

100% this.

17 years together, 10 married.

I don't hate him but we have grown into two difference people with nothing that ties us other than a mortgage and children.

We’re separating, divorcing.

veryberrypericherry · 25/08/2023 10:21

Yes he's even better now as I've trained him! 😂😂😂
(And he has a beard now 😍)

wheresmymojo · 25/08/2023 10:26

Everyone else seems very sure about their answer!

I think so.

Overall, my life is better with him than without him. Our marriage isn't everything I ever hoped for and there are definitely things about him that are less than ideal.

But, there are other things where he goes way beyond what I'd ever expect of another human and all the good bits about him outweigh the other stuff.

I'm not exactly catch of the century in some respects either so overall I think I'm probably lucky to have him (and him, me).

I got married in my mid-30s after dating lots of men and we'd been together for 3 years and living together for 2 years when we got married.

I think that all helps - there's nothing I didn't already know when we got married, I don't think you change as much as individuals when you're older so don't tend to 'grow apart' like younger couples can and I know the grass isn't greener on the other side because I've tried half of it before!

PurpleReindeer2 · 25/08/2023 10:30

Yes 🥰 Love him as much as ever.