Just moved to a new town - it’s awful & I don’t know what to do

[Scarytown]

Moved to a town in South East a few months ago for work. It’s awful and quite frankly I feel scared living here. I’m a quiet unassuming person who hates conflict and like most people just want to live my life.

I moved here for work - a promotion (think promotion in a well known supermarket) but I am now wondering if I can stick it or should contact work and ask to move back to my home store, embarrassing as that would be.

I’m from Manchester so it’s not like I’m some small town girl unused to busy city life and all that goes with it. But this town, well it’s just awful and I’m scared to go out.

A few awful things have happened which may be clouding my view and maybe I’ve just been unlucky but I’m not sure. The town centre is awful, full of what seems like people who don’t and have never worked. Quite aggressive, swearing shouting and smoking weed. Work colleagues have told me not to go into the town as “normal” people avoid it.

Ive had 2 lots of road rage directed at me in the town , both by men in big 4x4 cars. One followed me home and I literally had to run inside my flat, I was so shaken up. I was woken at 3 am to swearing and shouting in the street, looked out the window there were 2 police vans and loads of police arresting some men a few doors down. Every night I hear swearing and screaming from this house and men sit out front smoking weed. I dared to walk past the other day & was subjected to a load of abuse.

The people at work are nice but most of them don’t live in the town and they all have families so can’t really socialise with them outside of work. I’m in my twenties and single.

Sat in my car now after being given a mouthful of abuse after I pulled over to let a car pass, got thanked in the form of a load of abuse by the bloke driving.

Im so miserable ☹️

Oh I will say that I do also love Tilgate park though, we go there quite a lot.

I like county mall and the park next to it.

To all those people saying Kent is a shithole, have you ever been to Sevenoaks, Tunbridge Wells or Canterbury?! They are gorgeous by most standards.

I'm also from the north west and lived in Kent for a few years. Hated it. Even the 'nice' places like Sevenoaks aren't that nice. Canterbury is an exception. The people are just awful. super unfreindly, swear all the time, extremely racist, have no manners or sense of community. I avoided going into to my town centre if I could help it. Kids would openly shoplift without a care in the world and have knife fights on the street. there were some lovely parks around ruined by terrible parents with terrible kids. I am sorry to generalise, I know there are plenty of nice people too, but the awful ones felt like he majority and it's really got me down so I moved back north in the end. I've lived in the north, the midlands, the South East and inner London and if course there are bad places all over the country but Kent stands out as by far the worst.

Probably not as bad as Slough though a place of which the poet Sir John Betjeman was to write ...

Slough

Come friendly bombs and fall on Slough!
It isn't fit for humans now,
There isn't grass to graze a cow.
Swarm over, Death!
Come, bombs and blow to smithereens
Those air -conditioned, bright canteens,
Tinned fruit, tinned meat, tinned milk, tinned beans,
Tinned minds, tinned breath.
Mess up the mess they call a town-
A house for ninety-seven down
And once a week a half a crown
For twenty years.
And get that man with double chin
Who'll always cheat and always win,
Who washes his repulsive skin
In women's tears:
And smash his desk of polished oak
And smash his hands so used to stroke
And stop his boring dirty joke
And make him yell.
But spare the bald young clerks who add
The profits of the stinking cad;
It's not their fault that they are mad,
They've tasted Hell.
It's not their fault they do not know
The birdsong from the radio,
It's not their fault they often go
To Maidenhead
And talk of sport and makes of cars
In various bogus-Tudor bars
And daren't look up and see the stars
But belch instead.
In labour-saving homes, with care
Their wives frizz out peroxide hair
And dry it in synthetic air
And paint their nails.
Come, friendly bombs and fall on Slough
To get it ready for the plough.
The cabbages are coming now;
The earth exhales.

@PartsofKentareok we lived in Canterbury for 8 years from2003 to 2011. As someone else said the town was lovely but even then there were quite large amounts of real flag waving national front type arseholes around- I guess you can find this anywhere , but I've never found it before in such a concentration as I did in parts of Kent including Canterbury- although my original hometown area in the north midlands has it in spades too. - ironically all these areas are pretty 'white' too. my friend says same in certain parts of Essex too . I think maybe TW or Sevenoaks get it less .

Don’t recognise Sevenoaks from this description at all and I’ve lived near there for 20 years…..

High Wycombe? Worthing? I need to get out more, they used to be perfectly OK places to live. Medway, though, wouldn't be there by choice but there are much nicer areas not so far away OP, hope you find somewhere soon.

North West Kent and the medway towns have long been rough round the edges

I live in Rochester, central area. I love it but surrounding areas are for the most part a bit grim

London is huge, there are 32 boroughs and some are very much like what the OP described 😳 be careful and do your research if you decide on london.

Yep and Kent is huge too so to write off a whole county is quite frankly just dumb.

My exPIL lived in Ashford. It's an absolute armpit of a place but I was assured North and East Kent towns were much worse. Thank goodness they moved and thank goodness I divorced the twat 😂

Hate to say it - but they prob can’t get staff there and so they moved you a long way in the hope you didn’t know.

it’s no way to live. Ask to move somewhere else.

@Scarytown
OP, I really feel for you. I'm from Manchester, moved 70 miles away (Wales) due to a relationship break up & my house was sold.

It sounds as if your manager (s) have done a job on you, may have told you it was a promotion, but in reality, no one wanted to work in Gravesend?
Can smell weed everywhere I go in this town too, it's as if the smell comes up from the drains ! Really homesick too, and keep driving back to see my friends. If your employer is a national one, please let your current managers know you are not happy and ask if there is a possibility you can move back.

I’m not sure I have much great advice OP, but I just wanted to say I’m sorry you’re feeling like this, it sounds grim. I hope you can find a solution soon

I moved to a town in Kent five years ago, and it's the only place I've lived where people have been spontaneously off-ish or hostile to me without knowing me at all.
That said, I've made a few great friends and the town is nice physically.
But socially, the experience has changed me.

I thought you might be talking about Watford OP 🙈 good luck in finding somewhere nicer to live 💗💗💗

We moved to a midlands town that was very stand off ish/clannish - a local place for local people - there were some nice people but it was very hard socially.

I think what I found annoying was after we'd bought and were stuck there for a long while - many people in our social network then piped up that the area and our bought neighbourhood in particular was known for this behavior we'd have would have looked else where with a warning or at least been prepared.

We moved to a midlands town that was very stand off ish/clannish - a local place for local people - there were some nice people but it was very hard socially.

Bromsgrove?

No not Bromsgrove - starts with N.

I don't want to say though as people born there who then post tend to defend it but people like us who moved there post they found similar to us.

Wow I'm from there and lived in so so so many worse places from work which I was expecting as the answer. I think you've just been unlucky in town I've been walking around shopping there since 14yo alone and never had any issue at all. The towns a bit run down and not much to do but never felt remotely unsafe. I wouldn't choose to live there as I love the countryside but no issue with it either

But anyway there's tons of lovely places just outside to live. Cobham where I went to school. Shorne is pretty and countryside-y just v quiet. Higham mates say is nice, not personally been

All round southfleet/istead rise/newbarn/Hartley are lovely (where my parents live) and about 15min drive to gravesend asda. The latter is much more expensive and its quite rural like tiny few little corner shops so depends if you choose manchester for the shops/life style etc. Hartley is so pretty and lovely but v expensive and there's zero phone signal there on any network which is mega annoying when driving through and phone cuts out

But yeah Kents lovely I wouldn't choose to live in any town centre (so not gravesend specific) but equally there's much nicer locations within 15mins drive I def wouldn't write the area off. (unfortunately the bus service in the area to the rural areas is pretty naff if you don't drive). Feel free to message me

That's the village my parents live. Its nice. Its just totally in the middle of nowhere and theres nothing to do at all. Tiny coop supermarket. Martins news agents. Pizza shop chinese Indian tiny little gym and that's about it. Its so boring there you have to go to bluewater/dartford/gravesend if want a proper shop (including food shop my folks have to go to gravesend to food shop as the coop is super expensive. I mean it's nice there's tons of grass countryside nice walks etc but so so dull I wouldn't move back

You sound like you live in my street ! Different shithole- same problems ! Move dear OP to a nice village outside it or move back! Good luck !

@TripleDaisySummer Nuneaton!