Just moved to a new town - it’s awful & I don’t know what to do

[Scarytown]

Moved to a town in South East a few months ago for work. It’s awful and quite frankly I feel scared living here. I’m a quiet unassuming person who hates conflict and like most people just want to live my life.

I moved here for work - a promotion (think promotion in a well known supermarket) but I am now wondering if I can stick it or should contact work and ask to move back to my home store, embarrassing as that would be.

I’m from Manchester so it’s not like I’m some small town girl unused to busy city life and all that goes with it. But this town, well it’s just awful and I’m scared to go out.

A few awful things have happened which may be clouding my view and maybe I’ve just been unlucky but I’m not sure. The town centre is awful, full of what seems like people who don’t and have never worked. Quite aggressive, swearing shouting and smoking weed. Work colleagues have told me not to go into the town as “normal” people avoid it.

Ive had 2 lots of road rage directed at me in the town , both by men in big 4x4 cars. One followed me home and I literally had to run inside my flat, I was so shaken up. I was woken at 3 am to swearing and shouting in the street, looked out the window there were 2 police vans and loads of police arresting some men a few doors down. Every night I hear swearing and screaming from this house and men sit out front smoking weed. I dared to walk past the other day & was subjected to a load of abuse.

The people at work are nice but most of them don’t live in the town and they all have families so can’t really socialise with them outside of work. I’m in my twenties and single.

Sat in my car now after being given a mouthful of abuse after I pulled over to let a car pass, got thanked in the form of a load of abuse by the bloke driving.

Im so miserable ☹️

Gravesend is a shit hole. I used to live there in a lovely flat near Woodlands Park, but in the late 90's it was possible to wander into town with a couple of mates, get a nice meal and stroll home again safely. It's completely changed now and I think locals stay away from the centre in the evenings and at night.
If you're working near Gravesend then I agree that there are nicer places to live a bit further out and local colleagues will be able to advise on that. Someone's mentioned Sevenoaks - that would be a good old distance to travel on the M25 - not something I'd want to do.

I lived in New Ash Green when I was single, and really liked it. But - my social life wasn't with fellow residents, it was with friends who lived in different areas who either came my way or I drove towards them. However I liked coming home to a nice house surrounded by greenery and in a relatively quiet area. The shops aren't anything to write home about, but I hardly used them.
Talk to the people you work with, and see if there's any get out on your rental agreement. It may be that the landlord would let you out if they get new tenants, for example. If it's rented through an agency maybe they can help you move as well.

I was thinking High Wycombe or Aylesbury...

Having said that, sometimes there are good things going on in Gravesend worth visiting. Recently there was about a week of Gravesham Fringe, which was brilliant.

If you can't get out of your flat lease, would they let you sublet it?

There's a lot to be said at your age for a really nice professional houseshare (these days, the kind where everyone has an en suite), ideally with at least three or four other people, for getting to know people your age and getting to know an area at the same time. That might not be an option if you had your own flat in Manchester and have a lot of stuff though.

Have you tried Meetup or anything like that to get to know some people?

I say that, because the worst thing can be not knowing other people. A flat in a dodgy area when you know lots of people locally feels completely different to the same situation if you don't know anyone at all and feel vulnerable. Just knowing you have friends locally you can call in an emergency can make all the difference.

Changed name as this is identifying. I grew up in Gravesend but no longer live there. The town centre really went down a bit after Bluewater opened, COVID and the 2008 downturn also hit the town centre badly.

It is a little rough round the edges, and there are a few parts that raise eyebrows, but I know a lot of people who have moved back to bring their family up there. There is a good heart to the community of you look for it.

I would give it a chance and look for the good in it. :)

The OP said it was Gravesend literally a few posts in. As for Essex, as a rule of thumb draw a horizontal line across the county that passes through Chelmsford. Anything north of that line is great, below the line maybe not so much.

If you do decide to move back, please don't worry about telling your parents. If my daughter was in the same situation, I'd drive down and bring her back any time she wanted.

Have sent you a PM, I live nearby and happy to suggest some nicer areas.

hehe, I had a feeling this would be Medway. I am Chatham born and bred, but have lived in the north for many years. I think there's sometimes a bit of a misapprehension in the urban NW that the everywhere in the South is either chocolate box countryside, or glamorous and cosmopolitan. Whereas there's lots of areas of social, cultural and financial deprivation which can be quite an eye opener. If i had a family I'd move out towards Cobham, but as you are young and single I'd move nearer Bexleyheath so I could more easily spend time in London.

Having lived in gravesend you have my sympathy. Unless you have roots there I really would t understand why people would move there. So great villages just outside but the actually town centre is dire.

I felt utter relief the last time I went to collect my stuff and funnily haven't returned for a trip back since

@TheTurn0fTheScrew - so true- and whilst you are at it- everyone's on £45k plus

I'm from the north midlands originally but live in Bath and I got fed up in my home area of the 'it's all right for you, everyone down south gets everything' - Yep we do, massive mortgages, enormous rents and very little investment because what there is has usually in the last 10 years been directed 'up north' - compare Manchester and Liverpool to say Southampton or even Bristol

Your OP comes across quite classest and abelist

Don't be so ridiculous. Do you actively seek out threads to be offended by

Kidbrooke "Village" is definitely to be avoided. Loads are sitting empty and I think the builders made a deal with the council to offload them. They are building massive new tower blocks too.

When they proposed the site, they said nothing above 7 floors I think as the existing blocks were sinking, due to it being marshland. The new tower is 31 floors!

Medway is as rough as it comes, the further west you go the nicer Kent is! You should be able to get out of your lease, only you’ll remain liable until they find a replacement. It’s definitely worth having a chat with your landlord or the agent.

Couldn’t pay me £1million to live there. It was affected by the London riots, but it was hard to distinguish the vandalised buildings from the regular ones.

I feel the need to defend Woolwich!
It’s had a bunch of regeneration cash.
Art studios and galleries have opened. There are pop up bars and restaurants. The Times named it one of the best places to live 2023.

But wherever you choose, OP, visit first and check whether you can imagine having a good night out with some of the locals. If it’s all dodgy men or lovely families, it’s probably not the right place for you right now.

@Lakeyloo Worthing can't be as bad as Crawley surely? 😱 I loathe going into Crawley but it's the only place with a Chinese supermarket anywhere near here so I'm very grateful for it for that at least 😂

This was my first thought after having lived there for a year many years ago 🤣

Worthing is a depressing place, it's where life and energy go to die. Run, run, as fast as you can. (Apologies to any residents of Worthing or people who really love the place.)

My money was on Luton. Didn’t know Gravesend was that bad.

I just knew you were going to say Gravesend. Lived here all my life & its got bad but its not all bad. Town centre is grim but there are lovely quieter parts. Try renting in a different area for 6 months and if still not enjoying, go home..

Hi, I have lived in SE for 18 years after moving to England, then 4 years in Nottingham, and now I live in NW near Liverpool. NW is by far the best place I've ever lived in. Kent is a cesspit, there are some nice villages, but towns are grim. I would vote for a move, even if that means demotion. You are young enough to climb up the ladder, please don't stay where you feel unsafe and unhappy!

Are people mistaking Croydon with Crawley? Crawley isn't great, I used to live near there, but Croydon is another universe? I would have put my money on Croydon. Absolute shithole.

I like Crawley Town centre. I don't know the rest of it (other than tilgate farm) but people where I live travel quite far to go to Crawley shopping centre. Our local one is Croydon, which used to be a good shopping centre, but there's not a lot there now.

I've lived in Croydon and now live near (but thankfully not in) Crawley and agree that Croydon is worse. Crawley still sucks though 😂