Just moved to a new town - it’s awful & I don’t know what to do

[Scarytown]

Moved to a town in South East a few months ago for work. It’s awful and quite frankly I feel scared living here. I’m a quiet unassuming person who hates conflict and like most people just want to live my life.

I moved here for work - a promotion (think promotion in a well known supermarket) but I am now wondering if I can stick it or should contact work and ask to move back to my home store, embarrassing as that would be.

I’m from Manchester so it’s not like I’m some small town girl unused to busy city life and all that goes with it. But this town, well it’s just awful and I’m scared to go out.

A few awful things have happened which may be clouding my view and maybe I’ve just been unlucky but I’m not sure. The town centre is awful, full of what seems like people who don’t and have never worked. Quite aggressive, swearing shouting and smoking weed. Work colleagues have told me not to go into the town as “normal” people avoid it.

Ive had 2 lots of road rage directed at me in the town , both by men in big 4x4 cars. One followed me home and I literally had to run inside my flat, I was so shaken up. I was woken at 3 am to swearing and shouting in the street, looked out the window there were 2 police vans and loads of police arresting some men a few doors down. Every night I hear swearing and screaming from this house and men sit out front smoking weed. I dared to walk past the other day & was subjected to a load of abuse.

The people at work are nice but most of them don’t live in the town and they all have families so can’t really socialise with them outside of work. I’m in my twenties and single.

Sat in my car now after being given a mouthful of abuse after I pulled over to let a car pass, got thanked in the form of a load of abuse by the bloke driving.

Im so miserable ☹️

So, if you like the job and your colleagues then give it some more time but move home. Try to get out of your accom. contract early (it might even be worth paying a penalty for this!). Look around areas people have suggested and move to a nicer, safer location but somewhere which still has some life. Make the most of being in the broader area e.g trips into London, ferry over to France, seaside etc. Commute to work, build up your experience and have a long term plan to move back north.

The town centre is awful, full of what seems like people who don’t and have never worked. Quite aggressive, swearing shouting and smoking weed.

There are a lot of places like that. And even "naice" places that have featured in the top UK places to live quite a few times stink of weed and have crazy drivers (at least on a Friday night).

Could you commute from Maidstone? It's a long time since I was last there but it was ok back in the day.

Honestly thought it was going to be Chatham, no offence to anyone! There are nicer parts of Kent that you could move to within commuting distance of Gravesend.

@Susuwatariandkodama when did Essex stop being part of S E England?

Agree parts are pretty grim. Posh bits in the North of the county. Is Kent really that bad? Margate area might be OK..

I’m laughing at all the posters still trying to guess the town - it’s Gravesend people!

I’m really surprised that you are shocked by the things you’ve seen, OP. Smoking weed and shouting at their kids? How did you never encounter that in your previous home town? And if you work in retail you will be very used to seeing the worst human behaviour.

These things are all jumping out at you because you are lonely, unhappy and don’t want to be there. As previously suggested, get your head down, learn as much as you can in your new role and move onwards and upwards as soon as you can. Speak to your letting agent/ landlord and ask to leave your tenancy early. It’s a bit of a pain, you’ll have to let them show new tenants around and you’ll have to pay exit fees but it is quite common to break your tenancy, lots of people have to due to change if circumstances etc.

Without sounding patronising, do your research and find a better area to live in, Kent has some lovely towns. Canterbury is full of students and tourists.

Gravesend is fairly famous for being a crap town. Come back to Mumsnet to ask about the next town you move to, don’t make the same mistake again, but this is fixable.

I live in worthing - it isn't that bad.

Like how everyone was prepared to say 'it isn't that bad' but instead have gone -'yep, fair cop, its a shit hole'

before giving up the job see if you can find somewhere else to move to - some good suggestions on here and get out of your rental.

You cannot be serious! Woolwich is a cesspit in daylight, please OP do not move there!

Me too.... it isn't that good either. Plenty worse though.

Yes I forgot about Canterbury (in spite of my name) which is lovely! Could you commute from the city centre?

Could be worse, could be Chatham.

Yes Gravesend isn’t great, I was guessing it was Hastings!

New ash green is great for young families but I wouldn't say for a young single person.

For those saying travel in from areas like Sevenoaks or parts of London such as greenwich, I'm assuming OP perhaps isn't of a salary scale that can afford to do so with a decent standard of living unless living in a house/flat share.

OP is it maybe just a feeling of loneliness, and being a bit homesick, you may well settle in time, however you do have a lot of lovely places accessible to visit by train.
Have you managed to meet local people you can socialise with yet? That can make a huge difference

I live in worthing - it isn't that bad.

I was going to say that! It's definitely not one of the first town I'd put in the rough category. Poor old Worthing.

beach on one side, south downs on the other, half the price of brighton 20 mins up the road

I am happy living here.
It would be better if the beach had sand but small grumbles

It sounds grim and if you can't move to a better area there really is no shame in moving back to your home town, you gave it a go at least.

You mentioned running into your flat after being followed by an aggressive driver though - never do that, your driver was probably just a knobhead thinking he owned the road and behaves like that all the time but you don't want to let anyone who could actually be a danger know where you live. If you think you're being followed home drive round the block a few times or to somewhere busy (preferably a police station if one nearby).

@forgotmyusername1 exactly! When you outgrow wanting the buzz of Brighton right on the doorstep and would actually like to be able to afford a home, Worthing is perfect.

I grew up about ten minutes outside Gravesed in the 80s and 90s and it was a bit of a shithole then. Greenhithe was no better, Northfleet was a crap area too.
Rochester went downhill in the 90s with lots of places closing and it getting a bit rougher.
New Ash Green is more rural but there is nothing there. It was purpose built years ago with a parade of shops, but when i was growing up there was bugger all open.
Meopham is a proper village and is nicer, you might like it there. But it is a village.

I went to school in Dartford. It was at least as much of a shithole as Gravesend!

The whole of the SE?! 🤣

you moved house for the sake of a job working in a supermarket. find a different job

John Lewis, Waitrose and now Bentley and Porsche garages!

(I suspect the reason for all of these is that HW is half way between both Marlow and Beaconsfield and Penn/Tylers Green are all within easy reach too)

There are bits of HW that are rough as shit though and you wouldn't want to drive through them late on a Saturday night, but aren't most towns the same??

As per my username. Gravesend is awful. I live on rural outskirts and try not to go anywhere near it.

move out of town, at least fifteen plus minutes. I’m surprised about sainsburys because I do shop there regularly and have never seen a people problem there. Yes, definitely at Asda in Gravesend and Morrisons.

do not move to Chatham either. Or Gillingham. Or Culveston. (Rochester can be hit and miss too).

new Ash Green, Longfield, Meopham, should all be ok. Really do your homework and talk to colleagues at work to get a better understanding of the areas.

you moved house for the sake of a job working in a supermarket. find a different job

That's rude. I get the impression OP is on a graduate fast track.