Just moved to a new town - it’s awful & I don’t know what to do

[Scarytown]

Moved to a town in South East a few months ago for work. It’s awful and quite frankly I feel scared living here. I’m a quiet unassuming person who hates conflict and like most people just want to live my life.

I moved here for work - a promotion (think promotion in a well known supermarket) but I am now wondering if I can stick it or should contact work and ask to move back to my home store, embarrassing as that would be.

I’m from Manchester so it’s not like I’m some small town girl unused to busy city life and all that goes with it. But this town, well it’s just awful and I’m scared to go out.

A few awful things have happened which may be clouding my view and maybe I’ve just been unlucky but I’m not sure. The town centre is awful, full of what seems like people who don’t and have never worked. Quite aggressive, swearing shouting and smoking weed. Work colleagues have told me not to go into the town as “normal” people avoid it.

Ive had 2 lots of road rage directed at me in the town , both by men in big 4x4 cars. One followed me home and I literally had to run inside my flat, I was so shaken up. I was woken at 3 am to swearing and shouting in the street, looked out the window there were 2 police vans and loads of police arresting some men a few doors down. Every night I hear swearing and screaming from this house and men sit out front smoking weed. I dared to walk past the other day & was subjected to a load of abuse.

The people at work are nice but most of them don’t live in the town and they all have families so can’t really socialise with them outside of work. I’m in my twenties and single.

Sat in my car now after being given a mouthful of abuse after I pulled over to let a car pass, got thanked in the form of a load of abuse by the bloke driving.

Im so miserable ☹️

Your OP comes across quite classest and abelist... I have barely worked in my life as I'm disabled and have been a carer for 30 years.

People who 'don't work' are in no way the people you are complaining about because I can tell you for a damn fact us lot can not afford 'big 4x4s' etc...

And while I don't smoke and don't like to be around it (if I had to pick a poison to die by it would be pina colodas not smoking which is bad for my bad lungs lol) I have known many that do and honestly stoners are so laid back they are virtually flat... its not a very 'aggressive' drug.

Seems really odd you know so many unemployed aggressive stoners with expensive cars.

As for OP. First point is definitely finding out when you can give notice on your rental property. You might find that you have an option to leave at 6 months. If you don't, speak with the agent anyway. My DH is a landlord and had a tenant that got a new job with accommodation provided. He agreed to release their tenancy if a new tenant was found quickly, which it was (think there was a week in between them). In this day and age it will likely rent quickly again and your landlord might be open to it.

Then speak with other people at work. If you're working in a supermarket, there must be others of a similar age to you? Find out from them where they would choose to live if they were on their own and wanted a social life but safety too.

At my age I'd be aiming towards Wrotham/Trottisliffe way, but they're small villages, so not ideal for a 20s something after a life. West Malling is better, but it is likely quite a bit pricier.

I'm not certain what it's like further west. Dartford is a definite no though, then you're heading towards Bexleyheath which is probably expensive and I have no idea what it's like any more.

@Cyclingmug no it's not but it just feels like it at times , it takes so long to get out of town to nicer places with all the road works / closures , diverted traffic etc

See I live in Essex and my town is pretty nice.And no real issues where I grew up either Go a few miles away and nor so good though. Whereabouts were u living in Essex?

I grew up in that part of Kent and went to school in Dartford. It’s a weird part of Kent - there’s some lovely villages, London is easily accessible but the towns themselves all have rough parts and there always used to be drugs issues because of the ports. (My DH used to say that part of Kent was the compost heap of the Garden of England - Swanley being the rat run!)

However because there are great transport links into London, there will be lots going on because people will move out because it’s cheaper than London- have a look, talk to your colleagues. Look at see how how quickly you can move out of your flat and investigate some of the places up and down the A2 or the train line.

This sounds like where I grew up - I went back there today as my mum needed something picking up. I do feel for you op - any chance you can move further out? And get advice from your colleagues about which areas to avoid?

Lots of my colleagues who don't know south London ask me what I think about Kidbroooke village for example. I tell them it's called the Ferrier Estate by anyone who's lived in SE London and to avoid like the plague! You need some intel from locals as to where to live.

Ah I see it's Gravesend - yes definitely a bit of a shithole. I was thinking Chatham originally - using the high street there earlier this year was an eye opener and I used to live in Thanesmead!!!

Move somewhere else - if you like the job then just find a better place to rent.

Definitely avoid Woolwich - despite the expensive flats. It was always a shithole but got a lot worse once the M&S left. The town square is not somewhere you want to be once it starts to get dark.

Is it Hatfield or an Essex town ? If so , no one would blame you for moving immediately. You have my sympathies OP.

No wonder so hospitals and health trusts struggle to recruit. Very large parts of the UK have some truly crap towns full of truly awful behaviour.

Oh give over. "Classist and ableist" 🙄

Funnily enough it's not that she is prejudiced against poor and disabled people. Most peculiarly she just doesn't want to live surrounded by aggression, loud yobbish swearing, horrible drivers and other antisocial behaviour. And neither do lots of other people.

There are lots of places near Gravesend which are much nicer to live in! Greenhithe, all the new developments near Bluewater / 'Ebbsfleet Garden City', villages around Dartford, and Bexley isn't far away. Depending on how far you're willing to drive to work you could always look at the towns and villages further out into Kent too?

Classist.
What a load of ABSOLUTE bollox.
Not wanting to live near a bunch of thugs is not classist and shame on you for even suggesting it.

@JusthereforXmas I think we know what the OP is getting at here. She's not having a go at people who cannot work due to disability or care responsibility, or even misfortune. Its clear to me that she is talking about addicts and people displaying anti social behaviour who choose not to work and or make the choice to be unemployable.

I'm sorry you feel like this OP. I would find it particularly difficult to live with being abused and intimidated on a daily basis after a hard days work by people who wouldn't know what a hard days work was if it smacked them in the face.

I'd sack it off at earliest opportunity. You may need to be proactive to achieve this, i.e. commute or apply for new jobs elsewhere. Its not snobby to want better for yourself than this. You deserve it.

Oh FFS! Really?

I lived in a few different areas and different towns as we moved around a lot but it was all south of Chelmsford and I really didn’t have any pleasant experiences!

Never been to Gravesend, but even the name itself sounds depressing. Any chance you could move a bit further out to a nice village or somewhere?

There is no shame in acknowledging you have made a move that has not worked out, whether or not you remain in the job and move to somewhere else in Kent, or move back to Manchester.

As for the area, I will never forgive George Osborne for trying to make it sound better by calling part of the area Ebbsfleet. Mr Osborne should be compelled to live there.

if the job is good, I'd move house first to a nicer area. Loads of nice places within half an hours' drive surely?
But if you really can't settle at all then go home. I think provincial towns are hard for newcomers, even the nice ones. Whereas cities there is a more transient population and easier to make friends.

Grim. I moved from South East London to Kent. I would never move back, it's a shit hole! Can you move further out and commute back in?

talk to colleagues at work to get a better understanding of the areas.

This is really good advice - that how we found where we are -we just couldn't afford city DH was then working in - and there were a few options he learnt from colleagues. The city center on a downward spiral currently and as is secondary but area is lovely - near a lot of walkways has nearby amenities and is well connected to other places wouldn't have been on our radar otherwise.

This is the funniest and most desperate attempt to be offended I’ve seen in a long time.

Fair.

Just the name of the place would have been enough to put me off.

I'm curious where you've moved to!