Just moved to a new town - it’s awful & I don’t know what to do

[Scarytown]

Moved to a town in South East a few months ago for work. It’s awful and quite frankly I feel scared living here. I’m a quiet unassuming person who hates conflict and like most people just want to live my life.

I moved here for work - a promotion (think promotion in a well known supermarket) but I am now wondering if I can stick it or should contact work and ask to move back to my home store, embarrassing as that would be.

I’m from Manchester so it’s not like I’m some small town girl unused to busy city life and all that goes with it. But this town, well it’s just awful and I’m scared to go out.

A few awful things have happened which may be clouding my view and maybe I’ve just been unlucky but I’m not sure. The town centre is awful, full of what seems like people who don’t and have never worked. Quite aggressive, swearing shouting and smoking weed. Work colleagues have told me not to go into the town as “normal” people avoid it.

Ive had 2 lots of road rage directed at me in the town , both by men in big 4x4 cars. One followed me home and I literally had to run inside my flat, I was so shaken up. I was woken at 3 am to swearing and shouting in the street, looked out the window there were 2 police vans and loads of police arresting some men a few doors down. Every night I hear swearing and screaming from this house and men sit out front smoking weed. I dared to walk past the other day & was subjected to a load of abuse.

The people at work are nice but most of them don’t live in the town and they all have families so can’t really socialise with them outside of work. I’m in my twenties and single.

Sat in my car now after being given a mouthful of abuse after I pulled over to let a car pass, got thanked in the form of a load of abuse by the bloke driving.

Im so miserable ☹️

I came in to suggest Aldershot! (Don't move there).

Could you live in London and commute? As a pp said there are fast trains to Gravesend from London Bridge and down that line eg Greenwich Blackheath areas?

I lived in Gravesend for five years about 25 years ago as my ex was stationed there . Where we lived wasn't too bad , but there are good and bad areas in all towns .

However , all the locals used to say Gravesend is the arsehole of Kent and Dartford is 5 miles up it . So don't go to Dartford 😅

"Don’t move to a lovely village if you’re single and in your 20s!"

This. Being new, not knowing anybody and living in a village with nothing to do...

Same! The terrible driving, the town centre that reeks of weed - ahhhhh home sweet home!

Another to say don't move to a village when young and single.

Personally I'd get my head down and start counting off the days- you have a year on your rent so a year to learn as much in store and then in 6/9 months times start looking for progression, either within your company or a competitior. Being able to move elsewhere should give you lots of opportunities, and I'd head more towards a city up north

Hmmmm lots of the Medway bigger towns are rough, or can be particularly rough at nighttime. Did you not do your research first? I think you need to move out a bit further, longer commute time but don't waste any more time somewhere that you feel edgy in. Gravesend is known for being rough.

I was thinking that too!

Maybe try to move a little further away and commute like people have said. But ultimately see it as a short term thing for your CV and plan to move back!

It’s not the SE but I grew up in a few different towns across Essex, each one was awful and I couldn’t wait to be rid of the place so got out as soon as I could, it may have some nice areas but in general my experience there was awful, nothing but high crime rates, too many dodgy people and the towns were always so poorly maintained, whenever I go back I have panic attacks and it just always seems to be worse and worse, I refused to have children there as I didn’t want them going through what I went through!

If you can move further afield to a nicer area that’s still on all in a commutable distance then it’s worth doing rather than staying somewhere you feel miserable and more importantly unsafe.

My nephew and his girlfriend moved there in the spring. They found a really nice 18th-century terraced house that would have cost 20 times as much in Chelsea. It had been sensitively modernised by someone who really appreciated a period house. Nice private garden, too. Sounds (scarily) like it's very close to where the OP is: near the park and promenade. I haven't heard anything from them and now I'm worrying about what might be going on. Sometimes it's just one or two people on a street who ruin it, and they can come and go surprisingly quickly.

Look a bit further afield, OP. Ask around among colleagues for their recommendations for somewhere decent to live. Use days off to go and explore the area and look for somewhere nicer.

Don’t go to NAG!!! It’s a massive housing estate populated by mainly starter homes for young families - not a place for a single person. Nothing there.

Look at Sevenoaks.

I went Chatham once, also went to Northfleet a few months beforehand. I thought Northfleet was bad, but Chatham?! Wow is all I can say 🤣🤣

Gravesend isn't a Medway town. It is rough though, bit like Dartford. I'd try getting to the nicer parts of Bromley and commute.

My first thought was also Crawley!

Not a great place - in fact I think Medway on the whole is bloody horrible- I'm desparate to get my 84 year old FIL to move out.

I would ask for a move OP- it's not you- I would feel chronically depressed in that area.

High Wycombe must be naice, then. A place where there's Waitrose and John Lewis, and where Mumsnetters count as shifty looking!

Crawley really isn't that bad !

Never been to graves end but it does sound awful .

Did you buy ? If not then move

God that sounds brutal. It's so stressful being round people like this. I'm sick to bloody death of fuckers like this spoiling life for decent people. The endless aggression, shouting, revving, swearing. I hate it too.

@PermanentTemporary thing with Rochester is (and this is just my view) it's a bit all fur coat and no knickers- looks much better than other Medway places but I've still been in town (father in law lives a few miles away) and it still gives off a weird unsafe vibe (to me)

About to say the same thing- I IIve in bromley and could get to gravesend- gravesend is a shithole!

There are lovely bits of Medway outside of Gillingham and Chatham (and maybe Strood) but not for a young single person. Rochester would be your best bet in terms of busy and lots on, easy commute to Gravesend but also easy access to the coast.

Move to Dartford. Less than 15 mins from Gravesend on the train, a good mix of people, easy access to London if you want it. I agree Greenhithe is nice but it is a little village, Dartford is better suited to someone in their twenties. Rochester is nice for days or nights out.

Don't give up your (I'm sure hard-earned) promotion! Definitely try to move, even if you have to break your lease and incur fees (if you can burden that cost obviously) Don't worry about telling your parents, I'm sure they'd much rather know you're safe and happy they will totally understand you moving under these circumstances. It is normal to feel unsettled and upset when you've just moved, I've moved large distances a few times and it does take a while to adjust but what you're describing is more than home-sickness or settling-in anxiety and it doesn't sound like there's anything you can practically do to improve things there. Best option is to find somewhere else to move to asap. But take enough time to find a new place that you feel you'll be comfortable in. Do lots of research on potential new places now that you're closer to the area. Visit at different times if you can, have a coffee and shop in the local shops etc. Wishing you the best of luck.

I moved there from a Scottish city over 30 years ago, and while it wasn't the prettiest of areas, I didn't find it threatening in any way. Everyone I met seemed really friendly and I enjoyed exploring on my own along the riverside and Windmill Hill etc. Maybe it helped that I was living with a friend of a friend and met many of their friends. I expect it's changed a lot in that time but I find most places have and especially here in the SE (still in Kent) there are just so many more people. Hope you find a way to make the job work, maybe by moving a little further out?

The town centre is awful, full of what seems like people who don’t and have never worked. Quite aggressive, swearing shouting and smoking weed.

I'm amazed that's something you haven't experienced on a very regular basis while living in Manchester (I speak as someone who still lives here)!

It sounds like you've moved to a town that isn't right for you, though, and from your description I wouldn't want to live there either. I do feel for you.

There would be no shame at all in asking to be transferred back to your old store, but an alternative would be to look for somewhere to live that's nicer than where you currently but is still in commuting distance of your workplace. If you're in Gravesend there are certainly nicer places nearby so it might be worth spending some time getting to know the surrounding area as well as the town itself to see if you think there's somewhere affordable nearby where you might be happier and could stick it out for a bit.

It probably feels a lot worse because you're so far away from your friends and family too, so another option if you can stand it would be to tell yourself you'll give it a year and see how you feel at the end of that, and then move if you still hate it. By the time a year's past there might be job options at other stores anyway where you could move to without losing your promotion (or even getting promoted again!)