Just moved to a new town - it’s awful & I don’t know what to do

[Scarytown]

Moved to a town in South East a few months ago for work. It’s awful and quite frankly I feel scared living here. I’m a quiet unassuming person who hates conflict and like most people just want to live my life.

I moved here for work - a promotion (think promotion in a well known supermarket) but I am now wondering if I can stick it or should contact work and ask to move back to my home store, embarrassing as that would be.

I’m from Manchester so it’s not like I’m some small town girl unused to busy city life and all that goes with it. But this town, well it’s just awful and I’m scared to go out.

A few awful things have happened which may be clouding my view and maybe I’ve just been unlucky but I’m not sure. The town centre is awful, full of what seems like people who don’t and have never worked. Quite aggressive, swearing shouting and smoking weed. Work colleagues have told me not to go into the town as “normal” people avoid it.

Ive had 2 lots of road rage directed at me in the town , both by men in big 4x4 cars. One followed me home and I literally had to run inside my flat, I was so shaken up. I was woken at 3 am to swearing and shouting in the street, looked out the window there were 2 police vans and loads of police arresting some men a few doors down. Every night I hear swearing and screaming from this house and men sit out front smoking weed. I dared to walk past the other day & was subjected to a load of abuse.

The people at work are nice but most of them don’t live in the town and they all have families so can’t really socialise with them outside of work. I’m in my twenties and single.

Sat in my car now after being given a mouthful of abuse after I pulled over to let a car pass, got thanked in the form of a load of abuse by the bloke driving.

Im so miserable ☹️

Enough said. It’s was awful 20 years ago.
Live outside the town and commute to work? Stick it for a year then apply to move on, though you might be kept there because no one else wants it.
Or say you want to go back to your old job.
Id hate to think of my DD having to put up with abuse for the sake of a job.

You must be joking about Woolwich, it has always been a real shit hole, probably worse than Gravesend.

Bexley is very nice area and I hear Darenth is also nice.

I think you should look around nearby areas first. Good luck.

It sounds grim, move back up north.

The most depressing place I’ve ever been is Kings Lynn. So I’m now wondering if I should visit Gravesend for comparisons sake.

An poor old graveso. It's the Wetherspoons open so early attracting the one toothers. Shame as it used to be ok. Go to Bluewater it's alright there! The road rage happens everywhere these days. Funny isn't it because it's certainly not cheap to live there

Get some recommendations from the younger of your colleagues - nearby towns & villages, coffee shops and sports venues, safe decent places to socialise. Maybe a few introductions.

Put out feelers for somewhere nicer to live, a short commute away, then give it another 6 months. If you still feel the same after that, move somewhere else. Life is too short to be unhappy.

I thought High Wycombe was jice?

Most of these areas are much nicer than Gravesend. Most are smaller country-esque quiet villages or small towns, but close to other bigger town centres if you want things like retail parks, shopping centres, cinemas, entertainment etc.

Avoid Maidstone town centre as its getting pretty bad centrally for the certain types of people that busier built-up places tend to attract! But the surrounding villages in the borough are nice. And villages in the Tonbridge and Malling District too.

It's Gravesend.

Gosh didn’t you visit first? I had the misfortune of viewing an animal at a rescue in Gravesend. What an absolute shit hole. I’d never go back let alone live there.

although I must admit I am feeling a bit protective of it now 🤣🤣

If you like the countryside/ walking there’s a couple that aren’t too far if you drive trosley country park is my favourite, shorne country park is also good both had nice cafes as well, alway find life a bit easier after getting outdoors.

I actually think Gravesend looks alright! The street I live in is in some sort or preservation area and near a big green park. Houses prices really pricey too, my rent is double what I paid at home. Also lots of really expensive cars on the road. It just seems to be the people.

Agree Gravesend can be very grim like lots of town in the U.K. it has quite high deprivation in many parts, but lots of Kent is really lovely lots of beautiful villages, not sure if a bit far out but faversham is lovely as well, some of the surrounding villages near Maidstone are very nice but would avoid Maidstone town it can be quite rowdy & fair amount of anti-social behaviour unfortunately.

Have you seen all the £1m plus flats for sale in Woolwich!

I would go back hime. I spent a decade in a place like this . I hated every day there. Life is too short.

OP, I grew up in a similar town (in the North)- most people long term unemployed or never worked, high levels of drug use etc and behaviour which was at times baffling and terrifying. It included one young neighbour dying of an overdose.

I moved around quite a bit in my 20s to find a place to call home. I trued Nottingham, Brighton, Edinburgh and York - York came closest but I eventually worked out I’m a village not a town or city person. There is nothing wrong with trying out places and moving on until you know you have found your place. If you are lucky enough to have options to do that with your current job, keep moving!

And if you have to stay for a year where you are because of that flat, think of it as a years life experience and then move on. But in the meantime find a group of of town or a hobby out of town to keep you sane and learn a few choice phrases/actions for the scenarios you are experiencing that keep you feeling safe.

And talk to someone in RL - preferably your parents. Good luck 🍀

I thought I read about a recent whiff of gentrification in Gravesend. It was in an arty Kent mag called Cene. 'cene Magazine | Authentic Ideas, Culture & News from Kent I read it in the hard copy which you can pick up where I live.
I recall it mentioning a big red ship moored there which now has theatre performances. And a disused church by the river which is now an arts centre.

But of course the first, artistic stage of gentrification happens when the place is still a sh*thole.

Can you ask your company for a transfer @Scarytown

@GCAcademic and a Waitrose!

I love John Lewis, the security follow me round like I’m going to shoplift- I must have that look about me but I still go there a lot.

I’m from Gravesend! The town centre is really not that bad for shopping.
Where exactly are you (Thinking around Denton from your description!)
Can you move to Riverview area? Much nicer.

OP is it Basildon?

yeah, this is what I read. They might have been clutching at straws rather, I've no idea:
What to do in Gravesend... — 'cene Magazine

Yes I have, cannot believe it, maybe the price includes a 24/7 bodyguard to stop you getting stabbed or shot.

Perfectly commutable from somewhere nicer. Try Sevenoaks area.