Just moved to a new town - it’s awful & I don’t know what to do

[Scarytown]

Moved to a town in South East a few months ago for work. It’s awful and quite frankly I feel scared living here. I’m a quiet unassuming person who hates conflict and like most people just want to live my life.

I moved here for work - a promotion (think promotion in a well known supermarket) but I am now wondering if I can stick it or should contact work and ask to move back to my home store, embarrassing as that would be.

I’m from Manchester so it’s not like I’m some small town girl unused to busy city life and all that goes with it. But this town, well it’s just awful and I’m scared to go out.

A few awful things have happened which may be clouding my view and maybe I’ve just been unlucky but I’m not sure. The town centre is awful, full of what seems like people who don’t and have never worked. Quite aggressive, swearing shouting and smoking weed. Work colleagues have told me not to go into the town as “normal” people avoid it.

Ive had 2 lots of road rage directed at me in the town , both by men in big 4x4 cars. One followed me home and I literally had to run inside my flat, I was so shaken up. I was woken at 3 am to swearing and shouting in the street, looked out the window there were 2 police vans and loads of police arresting some men a few doors down. Every night I hear swearing and screaming from this house and men sit out front smoking weed. I dared to walk past the other day & was subjected to a load of abuse.

The people at work are nice but most of them don’t live in the town and they all have families so can’t really socialise with them outside of work. I’m in my twenties and single.

Sat in my car now after being given a mouthful of abuse after I pulled over to let a car pass, got thanked in the form of a load of abuse by the bloke driving.

Im so miserable ☹️

Cobham, Meopham, Longfield, Greenhithe, even Halling into Medway, all much nicer and commutable if you drive. There are some lovely areas near you, I would recommend a move.

There are lots of lovely areas around.
Get the train or drive down to Rochester and have a mooch around the high street there.
Also lots of lovely country parks around if that's your thing.
No need to be stuck in gravesend or go into the centre there at all

The flat is a one year contract, I don’t know if I can get out of it early. I’m going to check. Thankyou for the suggestions! I really like the job and my colleagues, a few when asked live in the “New Ash Green” area, not sure where that is but does anyone know if it is ok?

It’s worse because I can’t tell my parents how bad it is, they actually helped me choose this place and drove all my stuff down. I’m still really scared about the people who were arrested a few doors down, the screaming and swearing all night is awful. I have tried to avoid walking past the house but I can hear them revving their cars up at all hours. Not sleeping well at all.

I'm also from NW and moved down temporarily to do some contracting work in Chatham. That was an eye opener I can tell you, what a shit hole. However even the people from Chatham spoke about Gravesend like it was the hellhole of all hell holes. I stayed in Rochester and it was fine at the time though was 10 years ago now. Maybe move there or similar and do a short commute in.

I couldn't hack living in a place that has what you're describing so whatever you do don't tell yourself this is a 'you' problem and other people would cope. You have every right to feel safe where you live. It affects so much when you don't (and I say that as someone who lived in a rough bit of a city where someone got stabbed outside my front door once). Especially if you're single, you need to feel ok.

Well done giving it a go but please do either move home or to a nicer area where you can commute to work. Life is too short for this.

I hope you do take up Flipent's offer of help. Worth visiting a few places when you can and see what you think.

Do feel free to DM me as well. I am sure between us all we could come up with some ideas to make you feel more at home.

Same, also a local. Happy to help too if you want to DM me.

Oh Gravesend is terrible. Also from up North living in SE London and had the same struggles, although, after reading your post, mine was more of an adjustment. The thing about moving to the city is, all that glitters isn't gold! I'm a city girl living in a shitty part of SE. I love my home and street, which is what makes it palatable, but I would never walk these streets full of benefit scroungers, weed smoked out, rough and ready for a fight, pure trash! Call me snotty, but it's repulsive!

It's downright awful and abysmal! But it helps that my husband is from a nicer part of London and we moved here due to rent, but will be moving back at some point. I wouldn't go back Up North. The city has a lot to offer, namely, promotions and fabulous jobs that just take 10 years longer to acquire up North. I'd explore other local vacancies within the company and do some area research, and move out, but stay in the city.

You'll find your feet. Take it easy with yourself. You've moved to a huge city, but ended up in a shitty little slow moving, run down town, as a city girl! You'll find your way :)

It’s worse because I can’t tell my parents how bad it is, they actually helped me choose this place and drove all my stuff down.

It can be hard to judge what a place is like till you've lived there and I'm sure they'd want to help if they do know.

I'd see if you can get out the rental contract and in mean time focus on alterative places to live nearby and maybe trying being in some different locations/places in your free time.

Is it High Wycombe? If so, it does have a softer side!

How long are you renting for? Can you lodge with someone from work ? If not ask to move back or somewhere nice like Exeter! 😂

Rochester isn't too bad at all these days - I spent a bit of time there a few years ago and seemed nice enough.

Awww even if you live in a really nice place, if you have a neighbour that shouts/ swears/ revs engines and gets arrested, I'd feel really vulnerable. Really feel fir you here. I'd think about what you want (live locally or move up north) and see if you can get a transfer/ wriggle out of your contract. You might find you can get out of contract with mortgage rates rising as they might be able to get more for your place..

Crikey it is a bit grim and like you say a fair few malcontents in the town looking shifty. That said on the whole Kent is lovely and great for days out at the sea and you can get to London quickly. The north is much more friendly on a random basis than the SE as well. I'm from Preston and live in Welling now which is quite nice if a bit dull. It will get better and/or you will get used to it, hopefully. Chatham and Dartford are arguably worse.

Move elsewhere and commute to work - i wouldn't jack it in altogether and move back to Manchester as there will be nicer areas.

Don't underestimate how tough homesickness is, which will also be clouding your judgement somewhat.

Good luck Op.

As a northerner who moved to the SE I can relate. I originally moved to Ashford and absolutely hated it. Thought I'd made a really bad decision to move such a long way and was very unhappy for about a year. But rather than move back up north, I decided to try a different area, and can say I'm much happier and settled. I had to travel a bit further for work, but it was so worth it to get away from Ashford.

I've been in the SE now for around 13 yrs now and can't imagine moving back to my home town now.

You've been unlucky, Gravesend IS pretty bad. I really feel for you. But there are many nicer places in Kent. Don't give up on the job you enjoy, just look at better towns/villages where you can still commute to work.

Sounds like you need to look at the surrounding areas and then commute into work.

I don’t have any real suggestions but I’m very sorry for your situation. If you can move back to your old office then please do so . There is nothing worse than feeling unsafe and isolated .

How far into your rental contract are you?

Am surprised that people were guessing High Wycombe. It has a John Lewis! Surely you're safe choosing a town with a John Lewis?

Please say which town so I can avoid it, as I am about to move South. Thanks

SE London has some great places, the Medway Towns are mostly pretty skanky. You might get out of the rental if the landlord can find a new occupant. New Ash Green is alright, but best to take a look for yourself. Moving back might have negative career impacts if your employer thinks you can't meet a challenge. Good luck.

OP I’m sorry you’re having a horrible time - especially the road rage 4x4 prats. Gravesend is a hole and whilst there are some “nicer” options nearby, life is too short. You don’t say whether you’ve made friends or are able to enjoy any hobbies so far, even after giving it a few months. Regardless the other nearby options are not going to match Manchester or Nottingham and no job is worth being lonely and miserable. I’m also currently in the SE for work purposes and know full well I’ll never be able to settle here (partially because even on a good wage it’s mind bendingly expensive).

Is there a chance you can say stick this until you’ve done a year then transfer back north in an equivalent position or look for an equivalent position with a rival company? Your day to day happiness matters more than work.

I was torn between Crawley and Worthing TBH !