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Original poster

Dh spilled coffee and now he's in a rage

151 replies

Dreamerdeciever · 16/08/2023 17:21

Hi all I've name changed for this.
Anyway, dh spilled a tub of coffee in the kitchen earlier. I said I'd clean it up.
I did but he went to the kitchen and I could hear shouting. Apparently there was some left. I admit I didn't do as good a job as I thought I did.
He raged about this calling me useless and he had to watch what I did.
I'm in tears about this.
I'm so fed up, I just feel his response was disproportionate.
What started his bad mood is my announcement that my dm had asked me to go to a quiz with her Sunday evening. I'd be away for one night, we have no dc's.
Apparently I spend more time with her than him.
This is so untrue. Until last week, I hadn't seen her for 6 weeks.

I'm trying to be factual here but I would like some input.

He constantly belittles my family. It's got to the point that I don't feel like seeing them because I know he'll be moody about it.

Sorry for the vent.

OP posts:
MillWood85 · 16/08/2023 17:22

Open your eyes.

You're in an abusive relationship.

Run to your Mum and don't go back.

OhBeAFineGuyKissMe · 16/08/2023 17:22

Why did you offer to clean it up rather than him do it himself?

SlippinJanie · 16/08/2023 17:24

Why didn't he clean up the mess he'd made? He sounds like an abusive, controlling bully. Get out pronto.

LightDrizzle · 16/08/2023 17:25

Thank heavens you’re don’t have children with him. He’s an abusive horror. Divorce him.

Original poster
Dreamerdeciever · 16/08/2023 17:26

He is abusive isn't he? I just wanted to state the facts so as to be objective.

OP posts:
SamphiretheTervosaurReturneth · 16/08/2023 17:26

Your life is too short to put up with that.

Put yourself first and get rid of his angry and bullying self

Beeswood · 16/08/2023 17:26

Don't come back from your mum's and be glad you don't have kids. He is a controlling abuser.
I actually did this myself. I went to look after my mum because she was ill, never went back.

Taxiii · 16/08/2023 17:27

He's a prick. He cleans up his own coffee, he makes his own entertainment.

You are not there as a support being, enabling his life, you have one of your own.

What would happen if instead of feeling sad & crying, you got really fucking angry & told him to get to fuck with his childish & demanding behaviour & clean up his own mess?

Wendysfriend · 16/08/2023 17:27

Why were you cleaning up the coffee HE spilled?

Justcashnosweets · 16/08/2023 17:28

You are in an abusive relationship. He is trying and seemingly succeeding in isolating you from your family.
He belittles you and you will be walking on eggshells trying to avoid upsetting him, which us why you offered to clean up the mess that HE made.
Please make plans to get away from him before he escalates.

Shopper727 · 16/08/2023 17:28

Dump the coffee in his lap and tell him to clean his own effing mess up. This is not how loving husbands treat their wives. No way I would be spoken to like that, I think you’re so used to this dynamic that you’re blind to how he’s treating you.

I second the going to your mums and not coming back…surely with no ties like kids you can walk away? I would not stay to be spoken to and treated like that, it will only get worse….

CommonVetch · 16/08/2023 17:29

Just go. Pack everything essential and deal with the bigger stuff later. Don't go back to him, you deserve better.

OriginalUsername2 · 16/08/2023 17:29

As others have said, you’re in an abusive relationship. Tell your mum and don’t let him come between you. Bin him!

mrsbyers · 16/08/2023 17:29

Lovely you’re being abused , he will chip away at you like this til you feel worthless and isolating you from family and friends - tell your family what is happening and leave him.

Hawkins009 · 16/08/2023 17:30

Seems like leave your partner is best option. All the best

DowntonCrabby · 16/08/2023 17:31

He’s an abusive prick and you deserve much better. Flowers

I hope supportive posters telling you the same thing will let you think through how to get out of this.

AlisonDonut · 16/08/2023 17:34

He spilled it and started this little display in order to shout at you for daring to go out with your own mother.

I'd go and don't come back.

PickAChew · 16/08/2023 17:36

It's a relief that you don't have children with him. You can get away from this abusive twat and need never speak to him again.

SadlyACupOfTeaDoesNotSolveEverything · 16/08/2023 17:39

AlisonDonut · 16/08/2023 17:34

He spilled it and started this little display in order to shout at you for daring to go out with your own mother.

I'd go and don't come back.

Exactly this. I’m sorry you are in this position but I would be packing my essential documents and taking them with you on Sunday. Change all passwords he may know etc too.

Sux2buthen · 16/08/2023 17:41

He's a cunt. I've been there. Get out and enjoy life without him

3peassuit · 16/08/2023 17:42

Let him clear up his own mess. Do you own property or have children with this man? If not, what’s stopping you from leaving?

Lostinplaces · 16/08/2023 17:43

You’re not his maid. Dump is abusive arse.

pictoosh · 16/08/2023 17:44

No kids, no ties. Bye bye shouty, aggressive, scary, controlling man.

Prelapsarianhag · 16/08/2023 17:44

He is treating you like a servant. Go back to your mum before you get pregnant and trapped with this abusive arsewipe.

MonaOrchideous · 16/08/2023 17:47

Lots of people would say "I wouldn't stand for this, I'd have left, I'd have done this that or the other" but you can never truly know how you're going to react until you are in it.

The fact you posted I think has already shown what you know deep down; it is abusive. You should not be being treated that way, and you deserve happiness and respect, not to feel like you are walking around on eggshells.

I was in an abusive relationship and it took months for me to realise that the abuse was TRULY happening as I'd just forgive him time and time again. Needing to know where I was all the time and if I didn't reply to him he would call my friends being 'concerned for my welfare' when it was to keep tabs on me. That is just one of many things the vile creature did but somehow managed to keep me going.

I got support from Women's Aid locally, and also my GP. Both were incredibly helpful and supportive when I felt I couldn't go to friends. I've reassessed my circle and life since.

Keep your head high OP, you are the one in control of your life. Nobody else xx

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