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Original poster

Dh spilled coffee and now he's in a rage

151 replies

Dreamerdeciever · 16/08/2023 17:21

Hi all I've name changed for this.
Anyway, dh spilled a tub of coffee in the kitchen earlier. I said I'd clean it up.
I did but he went to the kitchen and I could hear shouting. Apparently there was some left. I admit I didn't do as good a job as I thought I did.
He raged about this calling me useless and he had to watch what I did.
I'm in tears about this.
I'm so fed up, I just feel his response was disproportionate.
What started his bad mood is my announcement that my dm had asked me to go to a quiz with her Sunday evening. I'd be away for one night, we have no dc's.
Apparently I spend more time with her than him.
This is so untrue. Until last week, I hadn't seen her for 6 weeks.

I'm trying to be factual here but I would like some input.

He constantly belittles my family. It's got to the point that I don't feel like seeing them because I know he'll be moody about it.

Sorry for the vent.

OP posts:
Wheresthebeach · 16/08/2023 18:52

It’s not about standing your ground - just leave. Now

BertieBotts · 16/08/2023 18:52

Sorry, I meant to clear the quote, just had it there to refer back to. Argh sorry I know how annoying that is!

sodthesodoff · 16/08/2023 18:53

First off. Congratulations. I don't even need to add anything. You've got it. You can see clearly. And I'm so so happy for you.

Secondly I would do some research with womens aid and other charities on how to leave safely.

I don't know what he's like. But he sounds a knob. And your safety is paramount.

As pp has said. Gather all your important documents. Anything that can't be replaced.

Thank god you don't have kids.

You deserve so much more.

LemonDrizzle10 · 16/08/2023 18:54

Don’t stand your ground OP - you could make things worse. You need to leave safely.
Just take the stuff you’d normally take with you to your mums along with your marriage certificate, passport, proof of address.
If you don’t feel safe tell the Police that you are planning to leave an abusive relationship.

Cowlover89 · 16/08/2023 18:56

LTB

Bogeyes · 16/08/2023 18:58

Go to your mums and stay there. You don't need this abusive bully in your life. Good luck. X

Ap42 · 16/08/2023 19:00

This is abusive narcissistic behaviour. I know, I have been there. My ex used to be the same over the tupperware cupboard. It sounds ridiculous saying it loud, so we tend to keep this stuff to ourselves. And then it builds up, and before you know it your walking on egg shells everyday, and wondering if your going crazy.
Please call womensaid or one of the DV helplines. I made one phone call 7 years ago and they arranged a refuge for us 2 days later. It changed our lives, and does get easier I promise. For those that say just leave him, it's so hard, they destroy your confidence, self esteem and your ability to even think straight. Domestic abusive is so much more than someone raising there hands to you. Big hugs xx

Ap42 · 16/08/2023 19:02

Also, please be very careful. If he gets wind of you even thinking of leaving it could make things a whole lot worse. Its often the most dangerous time when your in an abusive relationship.

Original poster
Dreamerdeciever · 16/08/2023 19:04

Ap42 · 16/08/2023 19:00

This is abusive narcissistic behaviour. I know, I have been there. My ex used to be the same over the tupperware cupboard. It sounds ridiculous saying it loud, so we tend to keep this stuff to ourselves. And then it builds up, and before you know it your walking on egg shells everyday, and wondering if your going crazy.
Please call womensaid or one of the DV helplines. I made one phone call 7 years ago and they arranged a refuge for us 2 days later. It changed our lives, and does get easier I promise. For those that say just leave him, it's so hard, they destroy your confidence, self esteem and your ability to even think straight. Domestic abusive is so much more than someone raising there hands to you. Big hugs xx

You know what I *do" feel I'm going crazy. I suffer from OCD and it is getting worse.
He's too fucking clever to hit me, though. Sorry, I don't mean that to sound harsh.
Bastard may very well hit me if I stick around.

OP posts:
pictoosh · 16/08/2023 19:06

Don't go through to him now. If he's ranting in the other room you will end up shaking, if you're not already. Stay SAFE. Walk away. Find a space to calm down in and go there. Do not validate a second of this guy's shit by trying to get him told. He is desperate for a fight. It will be carnage and you don't need that.

Yes he's a despicable man. Callous bastard. Walk away, be safe, remove yourself.

Original poster
Dreamerdeciever · 16/08/2023 19:07

Funnily enough I looked into narcissism and he ticks a lot of the boxes.

OP posts:
morbidd · 16/08/2023 19:09

What's the situation with the home? Owned? Rented?

RitzyMcFitzy · 16/08/2023 19:09

we have no dc's.

Those words was the only bright spot in your opening post.

Run away quickly before kids appear. Having children with this man would be a prison.

AcrossthePond55 · 16/08/2023 19:10

Back your bag for your quiz trip and put your important papers and valuables in it. Then leave with your mum and don't come back. Hopefully your mum can take you in until you can catch your breath and plan your future.

Don't bother to try and talk to him. It won't do any good. Leave and se d him a message after the quiz when you get to your mum's.

Get a good counselor to help you deal with any MH issues he's caused you.

andHelenknowsimmiserablenow · 16/08/2023 19:11

AcrossthePond55 · 16/08/2023 19:10

Back your bag for your quiz trip and put your important papers and valuables in it. Then leave with your mum and don't come back. Hopefully your mum can take you in until you can catch your breath and plan your future.

Don't bother to try and talk to him. It won't do any good. Leave and se d him a message after the quiz when you get to your mum's.

Get a good counselor to help you deal with any MH issues he's caused you.

This

AllProperTeaIsTheft · 16/08/2023 19:12

a normal response would be well you didn't do a good job of it and may be a slight annoyance but really he was raging.

No, a normal response would be "No I'll clear it up - I spilled it!" or "Thanks for clearing up my mess - you didn't have to do that!" The fact that you think a normal response would be to be annoyed with you for imperfectly clearing up his mess just shows what a number he's done on you. I hope you do leave him.

Original poster
Dreamerdeciever · 16/08/2023 19:13

Thanks guys. I appreciate the input. I'm gonna leave. You're all right.
I've not exaggerated as I want honest opinions.
I'm so lucky no dcs with him.
The only thing the fecker loves are his cats.
When he started ranting at his mother, I couldn't believe my ears, he gets annoyed as she' repeats herself'.
What a cunt.

OP posts:
GrannyAchingsShepherdsHut · 16/08/2023 19:13

Don't wait till Sunday. Go now. Phone in sick to work if necessary.

Statistically the time when you are leaving an abusive relationship is the most dangerous, I know you've said he's not physical, but when he catches a hint that you're fucking angry not scared and complying, there's a danger he will escalate massively.
The best thing to do is make that transitional period as short as humanly possible. So I'd leave now OP.

FloopyZebra · 16/08/2023 19:14

My ex was like this..............

He is trying to control who you see and distance you from friends and family.
It took me years to realise what my ex was doing/had done. I was walking on eggshells all the time trying to second-guess his mood.

Leave. Go to your mum and stay there.

momtoboys · 16/08/2023 19:14

I'm reading this with interest because I tend to fly off the handle when I do something that I consider stupid. I get infuriated with myself (and call myself names) and act like an idiot. However, my rage is only at myself. I would never rage at someone else. What I do is ridiculous, what your husband does, is abuse.

Youwho2 · 16/08/2023 19:14

You need to leave him and never look back. He is abusive. He is trying to isolate you from your family. He is chipping away at you little by little. Do you feel able to leave? You could call woman's aid for support.

CherryMaDeara · 16/08/2023 19:17

What’s the housing situation? Are you renting?

ChrisPPancake · 16/08/2023 19:19

DH had a massive meltdown when he snapped a spatula making dinner. Chucked the pan on the floor the lot. I was pregnant and he'd just been made redundant and he said that it was "just another thing I've fucked up". I didn't and still don't think raging about it made him a cunt, because it wasn't part of an abusive pattern of behaviour, just a one off response to a stressful situation.

Your one sounds like a cunt though I'm afraid @Dreamerdeciever .

GettingStuffed · 16/08/2023 19:19

I second not telling him you're thinking of leaving, a woman near us told her husband and he killed her.

I've used the going to the parents once. My husband though changed his behaviour and if there's ever a hint of it again I'm off. I tell him if he's even entering the territory. However big difference is that he's not abusive.

Get out now and don't look back

Barney60 · 16/08/2023 19:20

MillWood85 · Today 17:22
Open your eyes.

You're in an abusive relationship.

Run to your Mum and don't go back.

Exactly this!