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Original poster

Can I charge kids friends for lunch?

353 replies

MotherHubbardEmptyCupboard · 16/08/2023 10:38

I am on maternity leave and so am home a lot, surprise baby so my older children are tweens/teens. Lots of their friends have either parents that work from home in the family room/parents at work/houses not geared to lots of children so ours has become the place to be.

To be clear I do not mind at all that the friends/neighbours are here, we are very lucky with a very large garden and self contained summer house so they do not really come in the house or cause any issue at all (and they all seem lovely)

The problem is food, I started doing lunch for everyone at the start of the holidays (I see that I went wrong here but this is the first time I've had the summer off, normally I work so holidays are clubs/grandparents etc)
I thought that it would balance out as my kids went to other friends but all summer they have been here, and it is getting very expensive (and I am only doing cheap food, pizzas/sandwiches/pasta etc)

I'm not sure how to approach it, or what to do I don't really want to stop them coming over as that isn't the issue, can I ask their parents for a contribution and if so what is reasonable? -they are often here between 9am and 6pm (enforced as I was ending up providing breakfast and now they have to go home for dinner)

TLDR- can I ask parents for money for food when their kid is regularly at mine for 8+ hours a day?

I am about to sort out baby so I will come back but it maybe delayed. (I've NC to not link but if you recognise me please feel free to speak irl)

OP posts:
twoandcooplease · 16/08/2023 12:13

Your username - empty cupboard - 😂😂

BoohooWoohoo · 16/08/2023 12:18

The parents are cf.
I would send the kids home for lunch or get your kids to meet their friends after lunch. I have a teen and they often come here via Tesco Express

CurlewKate · 16/08/2023 12:19

I'd sent that message- but if they're no trouble and your kids like having them there, I'd add "..or please can they bring a packed lunch."

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pinkyredrose · 16/08/2023 12:20

fartfacenotfatface · 16/08/2023 12:08

Send them home for lunch. Perhaps compromise with hosting them for a pizza day once a week?

She doesn't have to 'compromise' ffs, she's not obliged to feed other people's kids.

Cherrysoup · 16/08/2023 12:21

Tell them they can’t come til after lunch. You’ve been a bit daft to start this.

Toomanygreenbeans · 16/08/2023 12:26

They need to all bring own lunch . My son who leaves the house for most of the day takes a simple packed lunch as do his friends so it doesn’t matter where the eat it - I refill water bottles and tend to keep a supply of homemade cookies but that’s as far as it goes

Green777 · 16/08/2023 12:27

I second PP that said let them buy food between themselves each day including your own children if that’s an option. Their parents need to give them their own lunch/pocket money and probably do, which up until now there’s been no need to spend it!

watermeloncougar · 16/08/2023 12:29

Good grief... teens, tweens and a baby and friends and neighbours hanging out. Sounds like my idea of hell... you're being very accommodating about it!

No, you can't charge them for food, but it's entirely reasonable to expect them to bring their own food or go off ** into town to eat. You shouldn't feel obliged to be catering! How on earth did the 9-6 thing come about though? That's quite an imposition that they expect to come to the same friend's house all day every day

ShinyAppleDreamingOfTheSea · 16/08/2023 12:30

CurlewKate · 16/08/2023 10:54

They are teens and 20s! I'd talk to my own kids about it- they'd talk to their friends and come up with a solution. Different if they were 10.

Teens and tweens .

A 10 year old is a tween

SheilaFentiman · 16/08/2023 12:32

The parents may not be aware that OP is providing the food. I remind mine to take money (they get plenty of pocket money) if they go out with friends and I would expect them to get Subway or whatever to eat when they do. Each parent may also not be aware that (a) OP is hosting multiple kids and (b) that their kid is at OP's each day (if mine said 'I'm going to the park with Matthew and Joe then back to someone's house' I wouldn't necessarily assume - though I would say to DS that Matthew and Joe were welcome back at ours!)

I agree with telling your kids that you can't do food for everyone, so they need to wander out with their friends to buy sandwiches, get them to bring food or get them to go home for lunch and meet again afterwards.

CurlewKate · 16/08/2023 12:34

@ShinyAppleDreamingOfTheSea "Teens and tweens .

A 10 year old is a tween"

Yep-I misread.

hopeishere · 16/08/2023 12:37

Send them home at lunchtime. Or take your kids out for lunch. Or just stop giving them food.

GreyStampIcon · 16/08/2023 12:38

storypushers · 16/08/2023 12:06

Why should she budget anything? This is all balmy.

Show quote history

Because the OP seems happy with the situation except for how much it’s costing! I just shared what I would do, not telling her she has to do the same.

CurlewKate · 16/08/2023 12:38

I agree with getting them to bring their own lunch. The parents mY not know you're feeding them-my ds always had an emergency lunch wit him, but would have eaten a better offer if one was available!
There are many advantages to being "the gathering house" so don't boot them out unless they are a real pain in the neck. Which it doesn't sound as if they are.

ClaraMarmalade · 16/08/2023 12:43

I would, yeah.

I would message the parents and say 'hi! It's been lovely to have kid over so often over the Summer, but it's starting to get a bit tight feeding them so often. Would you like me to send them home for lunch/tea in the future or chip in for food they're eating here?

If I got that message I'd honestly be mortified that I'd unthinkingly put such a burden on another parent, though tbh I can't imagine sending my kid to someone else's house over lunch so much without reciprocating or offering to contribute.

As a teen I used to go to my best friend's house for lunch each day, so my parents made sure I gave her mum a fiver every Monday. That covered the extra bits she got for me (she got the drinks she knew I liked bless her, and a sandwich filling that nobody else would have eaten if I weren't there). It's honestly the least you can do when someone else is feeding your child. Do they just assume their child is subsisting on air?

IsItThough · 16/08/2023 12:46

send them home for lunch

RedLeicesterRedLeicester · 16/08/2023 12:51

I think it’s strange some people think OP shouldn’t ask for money despite the fact she’s providing free childcare!!! For crying out loud they should be paying for everyone’s lunch!!!!

SheilaFentiman · 16/08/2023 12:54

ClaraMarmalade · 16/08/2023 12:43

I would, yeah.

I would message the parents and say 'hi! It's been lovely to have kid over so often over the Summer, but it's starting to get a bit tight feeding them so often. Would you like me to send them home for lunch/tea in the future or chip in for food they're eating here?

If I got that message I'd honestly be mortified that I'd unthinkingly put such a burden on another parent, though tbh I can't imagine sending my kid to someone else's house over lunch so much without reciprocating or offering to contribute.

As a teen I used to go to my best friend's house for lunch each day, so my parents made sure I gave her mum a fiver every Monday. That covered the extra bits she got for me (she got the drinks she knew I liked bless her, and a sandwich filling that nobody else would have eaten if I weren't there). It's honestly the least you can do when someone else is feeding your child. Do they just assume their child is subsisting on air?

I like this message.

And a tween may be 10, but I think is more likely to be 11 or 12 i.e. the friends are all in secondary school or possibly going in Sept.

ThanksItHasPockets · 16/08/2023 12:55

Agree with pp about your multiple options here but whatever you do make sure you liaise with the parents too. I would not be at all surprised if the parents are in fact giving their DC some daily money for lunch but that the kids have clocked that they can pocket this or spend it on something else because they’ll get fed at yours. Teens are very savvy Wink

IvyIvyIvy · 16/08/2023 12:57

Just say you're struggling a bit with prepping lunches and clearing up with the new baby and ask them to bring a packed lunch for a picnic in the garden together.

Brefugee · 16/08/2023 12:59

EarthlyNightshade · 16/08/2023 11:19

I'd feel awkward asking for money, not sure how I would feel if a parent charged me. I'd possibly suggest to my child that they spend less time at yours and that's not what you want.
So.... packed lunch - or suggest to them, they might like to bring a pizza to cook sometimes if you wouldn't mind that.
Sending them home would also send a clear message.
It's lovely they have a nice space to hang out, but you shouldn't be paying for all the food!

why would you feel awkward asking for a contribution? it's not like you're splitting the bill with someone who had lobster when you had a small salad.

I'd just say it's no problem them being there, and you don't mind doing the catering but it's expensive so they need to pony up. TBH when mine were teens i used to give them lunch money if they were out all day. I'd have no problem giving that to the other parent instead.

ineedanap82 · 16/08/2023 13:00

No I wouldn't ask for money but I would say either bring a packed lunch or to come after lunch. Or you could say dd has to come in for lunch now so could you all come back in 30 minutes. The parents must realise that your feeding there children though, I used to send my son with a few pound to buy drinks/bag of chips while he was out.

horseyhorsey17 · 16/08/2023 13:00

Of course the parents know where their kid is and that they're getting fed - I assume most either feed their kids themselves or give them money for lunch so would know if this isn't happening! And tbh I think they're taking the piss treating the OP as a free holiday club that fits in nicely with their 9-6 working schedule.

If it was me, I'd have a word with my kids and say 'you're welcome to bring your mates round but I can't afford to feed them all, so tell them they need to start going down the shop to buy their own lunch.' Or Whatsapp the parents and say similar, if you have their contact info.

horseyhorsey17 · 16/08/2023 13:02

ThanksItHasPockets · 16/08/2023 12:55

Agree with pp about your multiple options here but whatever you do make sure you liaise with the parents too. I would not be at all surprised if the parents are in fact giving their DC some daily money for lunch but that the kids have clocked that they can pocket this or spend it on something else because they’ll get fed at yours. Teens are very savvy Wink

Yep - they're all vaping with that lunch money down the bottom of the garden. It's what I'd have been doing if I was their age!

MeridianB · 16/08/2023 13:05

StopMindlesslyScrolling · 16/08/2023 10:47

Just stroll over to them and say "it's lunchtime now, you need to go home and get fed; you can come back after X time."

Or go for the packed lunch option.

Quite frankly I think their parents are taking the piss with you being their free childminder for the summer, but if you're ok with it...

This in spades. I really, really wonder if these people are genuinely appreciative. The fact that they haven't asked/offered about food suggests they are totally taking you for granted. That would annoy me more than anything.

In terms of practicalities, you can say at home time today:

"I can't keep up with food requirements for everyone so will be sending X home for lunch tomorrow or can you send lunch and snacks please'

But honestly, OP, why do I get the feeling that these 'friends' will find a ton of convenient excuses when you next ask them for any playdates/help.

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