Can I charge kids friends for lunch?

[MotherHubbardEmptyCupboard]

I am on maternity leave and so am home a lot, surprise baby so my older children are tweens/teens. Lots of their friends have either parents that work from home in the family room/parents at work/houses not geared to lots of children so ours has become the place to be.

To be clear I do not mind at all that the friends/neighbours are here, we are very lucky with a very large garden and self contained summer house so they do not really come in the house or cause any issue at all (and they all seem lovely)

The problem is food, I started doing lunch for everyone at the start of the holidays (I see that I went wrong here but this is the first time I've had the summer off, normally I work so holidays are clubs/grandparents etc)
I thought that it would balance out as my kids went to other friends but all summer they have been here, and it is getting very expensive (and I am only doing cheap food, pizzas/sandwiches/pasta etc)

I'm not sure how to approach it, or what to do I don't really want to stop them coming over as that isn't the issue, can I ask their parents for a contribution and if so what is reasonable? -they are often here between 9am and 6pm (enforced as I was ending up providing breakfast and now they have to go home for dinner)

TLDR- can I ask parents for money for food when their kid is regularly at mine for 8+ hours a day?

I am about to sort out baby so I will come back but it maybe delayed. (I've NC to not link but if you recognise me please feel free to speak irl)

@RedLeicesterRedLeicester the OP isn't providing childcare though. She said the kids all hang out in a summer house and don't come in the house. It seems it's an arrangement to that suits other parents who need space to work at home, we're not talking young children who need supervision.

The problem here is that the OP started doing lunch for everyone and now feels it's expected of her and she can't afford it. I would imagine the tweens and teenagers have their own money so could easily buy their lunch but of course if the OP keeps providing it they'll probably spend their money on treats instead!

It's odd that the OP's initial thought is to charge money. She just needs to stop providing meals.

*Do the parents know that their kids are at yours for 9 hours every day or do they think they’re out in town or at the park(

I suspect this is the case, or the parents think their kids are eating things they have left for them or maybe they're being given money to buy food.

So I'd go for telling them or their parents that they are eating you out of house and home and they need to bring packed lunches/food to share every day, or send them home at lunchtime.

Not necessarily, with tweens and teens. My two got sufficient pocket money from 11 to cover getting meals with friends, and they pay via debit card for things now, so I have never specifically given them cash for lunches in the holidays.

Sorry, just clicked these are older kids. They need to go home for lunch!

No such thing as a free lunch! Send them home for lunch. Don’t make a big deal over it, if anyone moans say you can’t afford it, and let them tell their parents (who are getting a great freebie from you without lunch included!)

I have to say OP, I think the other parents are cheeky for not wondering what their children are eating all day! I would wonder and ask what my kids ate and if they told me some lovely Mum was making all that food I would call you, thank you and send round a bag of groceries! Some people are just cheeky and will take advantage if they can. I would actually have a word to your children and say your mates can stay all day no problem but tell them they need to bring their own lunch as we can;t feed everyone. I don't think you can ask for money but I do think you need to stop doing it now, as sweet as you are for it, its not necessary and there's an easy way to resolve it. Just don't do it anymore :)

All those saying the other parents probably havent given much thought to it! WTF!
surely if your kids are out all day you think about where they’re getting food from!

And if they can’t follow the path through from “where are my kids getting food from” to “op is paying for it, I need to make this right” then they are CF’s!

You need to get your DC on board so they don't sabotage, then for a couple of days say "new regime in the house, we now only eat raw vegetables" or soup or something else teens don't like. Your mistake was giving them the kind of cheap food they like.

I think it’s simple - hi kids, we love having you over but you need to start bringing packed lunch or going home for lunch?
easy

"We are having lunch now. Why don't you go home for lunch now too and come back after?"

My mam had this issue.

We had a tiny garden (smallest in the area as we where the center house of a block) but I had the big play-set in the garden with swings, slides, seesaw, climbing frame, trampoline, trapeze, basketball hoop and fireman pole + a ride in electric car (even though there was barely any room to ride it).

I also had dietary and weight issues (severely underweight as a kid) so my mam had a huge draw full of sweets and snacks + the fridge that I had constant access too all day long to try and encourage me to eat and in hope it would have me gain weight.

I was a very unpopular child at school, I rarely got invited anywhere to join in with other kids but other kids would FLOCK to ours when bored. They would then demand access to all the sweets/snacks/ice creams etc... then not include me in games or drop me like a stone and bugger off.

My mam quickly put her foot down and wasn't afraid to tell them 'if you are hungry you have parents for that so go home and ask them for an ice cream'.

Once they stopped getting fed they mostly stopped showing up... they didn't care about being my friend or playing with me they where just begging and scrounging. I wonder if their parents even knew they where crawling the streets bothering people for sweets all day long.

Do this. Offer an either / or - cash or packed lunch.

If I were one of the CF parents (which I would be horrified to be!) I would pay rather than the faff of making packed lunches!

TBF as I mentioned when I was a kid I didn't eat... I would easily go 8 hours without thinking about food as a lacked an appetite, I never got fed at others houses because of my food allergies either.

I think if the kids are then coming home and gobbling up dinner at home aswell their parents will just think they haven't eaten because they where too busy having fun.

You are a better person than me OP.
I think the time has come for you (or your children) to tell them that as from - choose a date to suit you - no more lunches will be provided and they will either have to bring their own or go home.
You are on Maternity Leave to spend time/ look after your new baby not be their lunchtime food provider.
I’m another who feels the other parents should have made contact with you to ask whether you were happy with their children spending everyday with you. Presumably they know you have a new baby and they surely must have asked them what did for lunch or what they spent their money on.

"I can't keep providing food, you need to go home for lunch from now on". Just say it how it is.

Thank you all for your replies, I asked on here because I thought money would be seen as rude, but it is a shame I can cater much cheaper in bulk than every child going to the overpriced convenience store for lunch (which is only walkable option)

I like the packed lunch idea as I also don't want my children spending pocket money on lunch at the shop so I shall speak to my children tonight and then tomorrow make sure that all the kids that come over are aware.

But honestly, OP, why do I get the feeling that these 'friends' will find a ton of convenient excuses when you next ask them for any playdates/help.

But that's not why I'm allowing it, it's not conditional offer nor to I expect something in return, if I had more money I wouldn't mind about the food either. We all do things that work for us, I'm no saint, tbh it is probably easier as I'm not being mums taxi which isn't fun with baby.

Some live too far away to just pop home for lunch and I certainly think parents know where they are and actually quite possibly are supplying money for lunch, I don't think anyone struggles nor do I think they are cfs.

I haven't got into a WA group with them as I don't want to be official childcare, obviously I look over them but I'm not actively supervising and don't want it to be come as such, I can see why it is seen as CF but if I wanted them all to leave at anytime no parent would be worried, they would just go and congregate somewhere less suitable (so again no saint, it works for me)

You’re incredible and I’d pay for my kids to come to yours. Bet you do all the tidying and cleaning too. Ouch.

I agree to send them home for lunch or insist on packed lunches. If you ask for money you’ll get mixed response - I’d send a bagful of notes and a bunch of flowers, others may be offended.

Really the parents shouldn't let them out 8 hours a day without making sure they are OK eaten etc etc.

I can't believe that the parents haven't at least landed on your doorstep with gin/cake/flowers.... something to say thank you
Some people have no manners or appreciation for others.
I don't know what the answer is but if you were doing it for my kids I'd be sending them with something.

As well as packed lunches you could suggest they do pot luck or take turns. So either they all being a dish and share or tomorrow one brings a pasta back and the next day another brings quiches and salad etc. Tell them they are welcome to use the over or microwave to re-heat, but you are handing catering over to them for the rest of the summer and they need to liaise with parents. If you know the parents, tell them the new arrangements: you are happy to host them in the summer house, but catering for them every day is a lot of work so it is now down to the children to bring food for themselves or everyone. You might even ask the children which they prefer.

I would curb this coming and going. They can come after lunch and leave before dinner. As a parent I would expect my child to be home for breakfast ,lunch and dinner and to not stay at a friend's house for hours on end . It is a different thing if invited to eat there once in a while but it cannot be an everyday occurrence. I wouldn't want guests at 9 am either .

Send them home at lunchtime. You are being used as an unpaid childminder and the parents are taking liberties leeching off you.The fact these parents have not told kids to go home for lunch or given them packed lunch is disgraceful and rude.

PS
I do this a fair amount too. Less this year as my kids have summer jobs. I generally left our cheap bread rolls, grated cheese and a cucumber or a big bowl of cold pasta that feeds half a dozen kids for very little. Or they would buy pasties or fish and chips. I never actually thought about suggesting an alternative, but I didn’t have a baby to manage at the same time.

You can't ask fir contributions . Tekk them to bring g something to eat. Parents are taking the pee