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Original poster

Can I charge kids friends for lunch?

353 replies

MotherHubbardEmptyCupboard · 16/08/2023 10:38

I am on maternity leave and so am home a lot, surprise baby so my older children are tweens/teens. Lots of their friends have either parents that work from home in the family room/parents at work/houses not geared to lots of children so ours has become the place to be.

To be clear I do not mind at all that the friends/neighbours are here, we are very lucky with a very large garden and self contained summer house so they do not really come in the house or cause any issue at all (and they all seem lovely)

The problem is food, I started doing lunch for everyone at the start of the holidays (I see that I went wrong here but this is the first time I've had the summer off, normally I work so holidays are clubs/grandparents etc)
I thought that it would balance out as my kids went to other friends but all summer they have been here, and it is getting very expensive (and I am only doing cheap food, pizzas/sandwiches/pasta etc)

I'm not sure how to approach it, or what to do I don't really want to stop them coming over as that isn't the issue, can I ask their parents for a contribution and if so what is reasonable? -they are often here between 9am and 6pm (enforced as I was ending up providing breakfast and now they have to go home for dinner)

TLDR- can I ask parents for money for food when their kid is regularly at mine for 8+ hours a day?

I am about to sort out baby so I will come back but it maybe delayed. (I've NC to not link but if you recognise me please feel free to speak irl)

OP posts:
Moomoo75 · 16/08/2023 11:02

I would ask the parents to send over a packed lunch. I wouldn't ask for money.

Eddyraisins · 16/08/2023 11:04

Just don't do it. They will soon leave if hungry. Say you haven't been shopping this week.

Rob3bob · 16/08/2023 11:05

Yes, you can ask for money or food. Send something like this:

Im happy to have x (insert when). I’m not in a position to financially provide food for a large group of children all summer so X will need to bring all snacks and drinks with them or they will have pop home when they need feeding

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Friggingfrog · 16/08/2023 11:07

Do the parents know that their kids are at yours for 9 hours every day or do they think they’re out in town or at the park? If they know then they are taking the piss a bit really. Is there a town near you that you can send them all to to get their lunch? What do they all do all day every day?

I would definitely just say right kids it’s lunch time now, see you later, bye. And off they can go home for their lunch. No way would I be making lunch for everyone!

Lampzade · 16/08/2023 11:08

You can’t ask the parents for money, just don’t provide food apart from biscuits , popcorn etc and some water.
When they get home they can eat

MattRifesFutureWife · 16/08/2023 11:08

It is part of parenting teens I suppose.

Yep, that’s how we see it. And it’s only for a few weeks, once school, college and uni are back on, it’s a lot less. And then it all feels far too quiet.

Elmers · 16/08/2023 11:10

They aren't little kids, so tell them. Its probably not a thought that crosses their minds but it's something they need to start thinking about. You can have a very friendly convo when they arrive saying, hey guys, you can have lunch here today but it's costing me a fortune so if you want to come over tomorrow can you bring something from home to eat.

HangerLaneGyratorySystem · 16/08/2023 11:10

I think martyr might be a better description than saint. Just get them to bring a lunch with them or send them home; or just don't do this. Complete non-problem. "Use your words" has never been more apt.

Brefugee · 16/08/2023 11:11

just stop making them all lunches? warn them now that today is the last day you're providing lunch because it's too expensive.

If any parents get in touch to complain? tell them they can send them with a packed lunch. And reiterate that it is too expensive and your assumption had been that in a big group they would alternate and it would all work out in the end.

Be upfront, don't be dithery and wet. And see it through

Honeyroar · 16/08/2023 11:13

Tell them to bring their own lunches from tomorrow or else they have to go home over lunch.

BarbaraofSeville · 16/08/2023 11:14

MattRifesFutureWife · 16/08/2023 11:08

It is part of parenting teens I suppose.

Yep, that’s how we see it. And it’s only for a few weeks, once school, college and uni are back on, it’s a lot less. And then it all feels far too quiet.

But it shouldn't be an expectation and it's very one sided.

If the OP genuinely doesn't mind them being at hers, it's just the (completely reasonable) issue about the cost of feeding them, then it's probably best asking the other kids parents if they could send a packed lunch as it's a stretch to feed them all time.

It might wake the other parents up a bit as to where their DC have been over the past few weeks and what they've been eating, as they don't seem to have thought about it much up to now, or they'd have said something and asked them to go home for lunch already.

BarbaraV · 16/08/2023 11:15

Just say we're having lunch now. You can come back later if you'd like.

Mindymomo · 16/08/2023 11:15

Personally if my child/teen was going to a friends house most days for long hours, I would certainly offer payment or to buy you some food in return. Are you not in friends whatsapp groups with parents, I would message “happy for everyone to spend their hols here, but would be grateful if friends could bring some food or money for me to buy food, as it’s getting quite expensive feeding them”.

GreyStampIcon · 16/08/2023 11:17

I would budget one big bag of pasta and one jar of pesto a day. Tell them anything else they are welcome to buy or bring from home themselves but you can’t do a buffet every day!

ifonly4 · 16/08/2023 11:18

I'd ask them to bring their own lunches. Shame you even have to ask, if you were having my DC on a regular basis, I'd be asking about lunch or sending them with treats to share in the day.

lap90 · 16/08/2023 11:19

Talk to your kids.
Oh it's lunchtime? How about everyone brings some food for picnic in the park?

EarthlyNightshade · 16/08/2023 11:19

I'd feel awkward asking for money, not sure how I would feel if a parent charged me. I'd possibly suggest to my child that they spend less time at yours and that's not what you want.
So.... packed lunch - or suggest to them, they might like to bring a pizza to cook sometimes if you wouldn't mind that.
Sending them home would also send a clear message.
It's lovely they have a nice space to hang out, but you shouldn't be paying for all the food!

Busubaba · 16/08/2023 11:19

Load of bread and butter.

Toast for the guests.

Busubaba · 16/08/2023 11:20

Loaf not load ^

Andanotherone01 · 16/08/2023 11:23

When did we become so unfailingly polite (or mugged off?). In the 80s it was common to congregate round someone's house/garden for the summer but the mum would always come out and say "we're having lunch/dinner now. Come back after x time", and not always with a smile. So we did and that was that - everyone knew their place.

MummyJ36 · 16/08/2023 11:24

Definitely ask them to bring a packed lunch. Not unreasonable at all. If you’re really ok with them being there I’d just say you’re quite busy with the baby every day don’t have time to make food so would they mind coming with a packed lunch / sandwich for the day. I’d think that was totally fine.

zingally · 16/08/2023 11:25

Just stop providing it. Maybe give your own children a heads-up first, such as "we're having a family lunch today", and send them home for a few hours.

They've found a sweet deal round yours. Their own space to hang out in, and a free feed! No wonder they're always around!

Olika · 16/08/2023 11:26

Just stroll over to them and say "it's lunchtime now, you need to go home and get fed; you can come back after X time."

This. Stop giving them food.

FarEast · 16/08/2023 11:27

Can you send them home for their lunches, and say they can come back later?

Kat19899 · 16/08/2023 11:28

How far away do the kids live? And do you think any of them are struggling for food at home? As others have said, be firm about either them going home for lunch or going and buying food to eat at yours. Personally I would still be welcoming to them because if they’re at yours you can keep an eye on them