Can I charge kids friends for lunch?

[MotherHubbardEmptyCupboard]

I am on maternity leave and so am home a lot, surprise baby so my older children are tweens/teens. Lots of their friends have either parents that work from home in the family room/parents at work/houses not geared to lots of children so ours has become the place to be.

To be clear I do not mind at all that the friends/neighbours are here, we are very lucky with a very large garden and self contained summer house so they do not really come in the house or cause any issue at all (and they all seem lovely)

The problem is food, I started doing lunch for everyone at the start of the holidays (I see that I went wrong here but this is the first time I've had the summer off, normally I work so holidays are clubs/grandparents etc)
I thought that it would balance out as my kids went to other friends but all summer they have been here, and it is getting very expensive (and I am only doing cheap food, pizzas/sandwiches/pasta etc)

I'm not sure how to approach it, or what to do I don't really want to stop them coming over as that isn't the issue, can I ask their parents for a contribution and if so what is reasonable? -they are often here between 9am and 6pm (enforced as I was ending up providing breakfast and now they have to go home for dinner)

TLDR- can I ask parents for money for food when their kid is regularly at mine for 8+ hours a day?

I am about to sort out baby so I will come back but it maybe delayed. (I've NC to not link but if you recognise me please feel free to speak irl)

This has just made me realise how much my parents did for us when we were kids. Like yours, our house was the place everyone wanted to be. Mum fed everyone and, as we got older, Dad wasn't adverse to supplying the odd bit of booze. Your kids must think you're a terrific Mum and so must their friends! My Dad died recently and I was unbelievably touched by how many of our childhood friends came to his funeral - people I hadn't seen in decades. They remembered my Dad's (and Mum's) kindness and 'coolness' all those years ago!

What each parent may not have considered is that you're doing this everyday for everyone. If you put the facts and costings across to them I don't think there's anyone who would think you were unreasonable for asking for a contribution but I jnderstand this is socially awkward to ask.
Could you perhaps message parents and say you were thinking of putting on a little tea party regularly and say it would work out for about £ per head. Say you're prepared to do the shopping/cooking/prep as your contribution. Might be simpler and less awkward to do it more like a kitty eg ask if everyone has a tenner and you'll ask for a top up later. That way there's no odd 2.57 for 3 days only....a bit like the office tea kitty. They're not paying you, you're just Lunch money trustee.

I would send them home for lunch or ask them to bring their own. And limit snacks. I know my dc's friends often try to come to our house for snacks as we are the closest in terms of where they normally play. I have to be very strict on snacks or we could easily go through £10 a day just in snacks alone. When I do a meal, I always send friends home and say I'll send a dc over to call for them when lunch/dinner is done.

“Right everyone it’s time for Jack/Jane’s lunch now. You are welcome to come back at 2 o’clock when they have finished”

If the parents kick off that their children are coming home for lunch then they are CFs. You are not a holiday club

Mine was always the house where all the teens gathered- I loved it! I asked for things rather than cash. "Lauren can you ask Mum to send with crisps, Joe you bring cakes and I'll do the sandwiches" type thing. All before there was texts etc.
things seem a nicer option than cash!

Also if you mention to the kids that it’s getting really expensive, that might get back to a few parents who might not have realised that you’re feeding and minding so many kids

No, you can't ask for money. Either let them get hungry or send everyone home for lunch.

Are you actually ok with providing free childcare for that long?

Just tell the kids you can no longer give them lunch and they need to go home.

As others have said, just send them home. I have 3 (DS, DSS, DSS), we have a big house and garden and the boys have a basement hangout, so all of their friends find themselves here. I don't mind them coming over, but not all day, every day. They started getting here earlier and earlier, staying longer, eating more. I spoke to the boys and friends now have to leave at lunchtime and dinner time (otherwise they'll expect an evening meal as well).

Could you make a wattsapp group with the parents or just tell the kids directly to bring their own food? Or to each bring something they can all share I.e a few people bring the pizza, some bring snacks and some drink and rotate it? I’d just be honest with them and say you can’t afford to feed them all but they can bring their own stuff

also - you sound amazing. What days times can I send my kids over? Just kidding 🥹❤️

Yes they won't be coming any more so solves your issue doubly.

Or serve up something so disgusting 🤮 they won’t wanna stay for lunch 🤣🤣🤣

I also don't think you can ask for contribution and this risks it tipping into you providing a service territory - the parents may start to think they can make requests etc.

At that age, I think it's fine to say you won't be providing lunches anymore and let the kids and their parents figure out what to do about that. Personally, I do one more round and tell all the kids this will be the last time I'll be doing everyone's lunch - so they have warning for the next day.

Do you want to have so many children there all the time? If not, telling them to bring a packed lunch might cause problems, as it suggests that as long as they bring their own food, they can come and stay as long as they want. I don't mind my childrens friends coming over, but not every day - it's my holiday too and I want to relax in my own home.

I bet all / most of the parents don't realise what's going on.

What do they do all day? Are they never out and about at lunchtime? How many are we talking? Do all your kids have friends round all the time or is it a cumulative thing?

I'd just say right kids you've eaten most of my food shop so tomorrow you'll need to bring your own food. The kids will understand.

I’m for sending them home, if you want them back after lunch give them a time, if you don’t just say you aren’t about until tomorrow. You are being mugged off.

Is there a shop nearby? In which case can't you just send them off there to buy lunch, either to bring back to yours and cook, or just sandwiches etc. When DD (16) goes to a friends house she always has money to get lunch and they normally go out and buy it (although occasionally the friends parents provide, but we don't expect it).

Don’t understand this at all. When mine were that age, if going to someone’s house for any substantial period of time they would take lots of share snacks (box savoury biscuits, large bags crisps, pull apart loaves if I’d been on a bakery run that morning, homemade cake or brownies if they felt keen the night before, soft drink etc) and money for lunch. So did everyone else. Usually, they didn’t even bother about lunch as the quantity of snacks in total was that great it covered them all for the entire day and meant they saved their lunch $$. Sometimes if they decided proper lunch was required they would chuck in and order delivered pizza.

You need to talk to your kids and get THEM to communicate with their friends and tell them they need to bring food and $ if necessary. At this age, you can’t go ringing around parents with such issues, your children need to address it with their friends and give directives.

I think it's lovely to be the home of choice. It's fab having lots of kids around enjoying themselves. I understand the cost tho!

You can't ask for money but tell them it's a summer house tea party and bring a packed lunch. You can always put on iced water, or squash to make sure they drink properly.

I think once they've grown and moved on you'll be pleased you found a work around.

My parents were like this. My Mum didn't go out to work and loved to do baking. She made a career of being a housewife. She cooked everyday from scratch. My sister and I brought not only our friends but a few waifs and strays home on Tuesday and Fridays because we knew Mum baked cakes and biscuits. She often sent our friends home with some in a bag too for younger siblings. When Mum died the church was packed full with friends of mine and my sister's. I moved away after Uni but I know several of my friends would sometimes drop by with their children to visit her. They probably got cakes and biscuits too.

Send them home for lunch. I wouldn't even consider the packed lunch idea - that would we weird.
They are kids unlikely they'll have thought about the cost.

I honestly wouldn't have them in the house every day this is on you because your house is free childcare.so you either limit the time the kids are Allowed in and just give them a drink and a biscuit or you don't and just keep feeding them.