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Original poster

Can I charge kids friends for lunch?

353 replies

MotherHubbardEmptyCupboard · 16/08/2023 10:38

I am on maternity leave and so am home a lot, surprise baby so my older children are tweens/teens. Lots of their friends have either parents that work from home in the family room/parents at work/houses not geared to lots of children so ours has become the place to be.

To be clear I do not mind at all that the friends/neighbours are here, we are very lucky with a very large garden and self contained summer house so they do not really come in the house or cause any issue at all (and they all seem lovely)

The problem is food, I started doing lunch for everyone at the start of the holidays (I see that I went wrong here but this is the first time I've had the summer off, normally I work so holidays are clubs/grandparents etc)
I thought that it would balance out as my kids went to other friends but all summer they have been here, and it is getting very expensive (and I am only doing cheap food, pizzas/sandwiches/pasta etc)

I'm not sure how to approach it, or what to do I don't really want to stop them coming over as that isn't the issue, can I ask their parents for a contribution and if so what is reasonable? -they are often here between 9am and 6pm (enforced as I was ending up providing breakfast and now they have to go home for dinner)

TLDR- can I ask parents for money for food when their kid is regularly at mine for 8+ hours a day?

I am about to sort out baby so I will come back but it maybe delayed. (I've NC to not link but if you recognise me please feel free to speak irl)

OP posts:
Mrsjayy · 16/08/2023 11:53

Sugarfree23 · 16/08/2023 11:52

Send them home for lunch. I wouldn't even consider the packed lunch idea - that would we weird.
They are kids unlikely they'll have thought about the cost.

Yeah send them home

Ohmylovejune · 16/08/2023 11:53

We still stop and chat to my son's mates and when he's home they still.come around! Bbq and beers now, but its really lovely.

cittigirl · 16/08/2023 11:54

I can't believe the nerve of some parents. If it was my DC's I'd be returning the favour or certainly showing my appreciation with a contribution or a gift at the very least. CF's. I think you have to send them home at lunchtime and perhaps the parents will clock on!

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Monster80 · 16/08/2023 11:54

I wouldn’t mention food or ask for contributions, would instead mandate all friend go home between 12-2. That gives you the opportunity to feed yours only. I’d only offer fruit, that should send them running home in any event…

skippy67 · 16/08/2023 11:54

If you're going to do a TLDR, the summary of the post should be at the beginning. Before you've posted the (too) long bit...

WhisperingHi · 16/08/2023 11:55

I wouldn't ask for money, it's hard to quantify and will seem a bit off.

But I would definitely be asking parents to make sure the kids come with a lunch and some snacks. That's what would be required for literally any other kind of childcare.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 16/08/2023 11:56

You either stop it all together (feeding them I mean) or you agree to only do say one or two days a week of full days with lunch, and the other days they have to come after lunchtime and be gone by dinner time.

TheWayTheLightFalls · 16/08/2023 11:58

I think you can ask parents to send their kids with a snack or fruit for the kids to share - “Hey Mary, we love having Bob here but altogether the kids are eating us out of house and home! Could you send him in with snacks or fruit next time for them to share?”

Catering wise it’d be pasta with tomato sauce and cheddar or cheese sandwiches and carrot sticks!

Thingamebobwotsit · 16/08/2023 11:58

Andanotherone01 · 16/08/2023 11:23

When did we become so unfailingly polite (or mugged off?). In the 80s it was common to congregate round someone's house/garden for the summer but the mum would always come out and say "we're having lunch/dinner now. Come back after x time", and not always with a smile. So we did and that was that - everyone knew their place.

This.

You shouldn't be catering for them. So just lay down some rules, politely, and tell them to come back later. They will soon get the message. The great part is you can always use the baby as an excuse too... oh it is nap time and they aren't feeling well or I need to do x, y and z so I need you out of the house...

If you keep feeding they will keep coming back !

(Although lovely that they feel welcomed wnough to do so. A real credit to you!)

Museya15 · 16/08/2023 11:59

I would nip the whole thing in the bud!

thaegumathteth · 16/08/2023 11:59

@Vault687 I don't think that's necessarily true. You're out all day and you have teens - did they have toast and egg for lunch? Or a tin of beans? Pasta? Would you notice it gone or not gone? Or they have their own money and so you assume they've had something out

Hevasparkle · 16/08/2023 11:59

I think it’s fine to ask for money going forward, or if you genuinely don’t mind them being at yours you could tell them to bring lunch with them. Or tell your DC their lunch is ready, time to break up the party now but that friends are welcome back later 😀

anyolddinosaur · 16/08/2023 11:59

They are teenagers - capable of ordering a pizza if they get hungry. Any fish and chip shops nearby?. Either they bring a packed lunch or they organise food between them and cook it themselves.

User5653218 · 16/08/2023 12:02

We have a bit of a similar situation here where ds spends while days at his friend's house because its central, has a big garden and a summer house they play in. I hope he's not at yours op. I send him off with £5 to buy lunch every day and expect him home for tea. If I thought he was pocketing that fiver and eating your food I would be raging. I'm going to check with the other mum now!

What's your relationship like with the other parents? I think you could send a text saying "happy to have the kids here any time over the summer holidays but I'm going to have to start sending them home for meals, theyre eating me out of house and home 😀 ."

I wouldn't be upset to receive that sort of message.

BungleandGeorge · 16/08/2023 12:02

If you don’t want to feed them just stop. Teens hang out with their friends/ in town etc parents aren’t keeping a close eye on where they are all the time. Don’t provide lunch and they’ll go home/ to the shop

HorsePlatitudes · 16/08/2023 12:02

Omg don’t ask them for money - it becomes an obligation then!!

just tell them you need time together and they can just start coming “after lunch”

Mrsjayy · 16/08/2023 12:03

Why won't you send them home at lunchtime or send yours out to others houses I know you have a lovely garden etc etc but start asking your kids their plans for "today " suggest they go round to friends to hang out unless they live in a shoe box their friends houses will be fine.

storypushers · 16/08/2023 12:06

GreyStampIcon · 16/08/2023 11:17

I would budget one big bag of pasta and one jar of pesto a day. Tell them anything else they are welcome to buy or bring from home themselves but you can’t do a buffet every day!

Why should she budget anything? This is all balmy.

OnedayIwillfeelfree · 16/08/2023 12:06

I would just provide a jug of water. If your kids complain, tell them it costs a lot of money to provide drinks and snacks for that many children.

Mrsjayy · 16/08/2023 12:07

OnedayIwillfeelfree · 16/08/2023 12:06

I would just provide a jug of water. If your kids complain, tell them it costs a lot of money to provide drinks and snacks for that many children.

Actually this do this

fartfacenotfatface · 16/08/2023 12:08

Send them home for lunch. Perhaps compromise with hosting them for a pizza day once a week?

SmokeyToo · 16/08/2023 12:08

@caringcarer They're lovely memories to have of growing up, aren't they? Wish I could do it all again!

blackheartsgirl · 16/08/2023 12:10

I had this. I send them home for lunch/dinner/tea now. Takes the piss.

Rosecoffeecup · 16/08/2023 12:11

User5653218 · 16/08/2023 12:02

We have a bit of a similar situation here where ds spends while days at his friend's house because its central, has a big garden and a summer house they play in. I hope he's not at yours op. I send him off with £5 to buy lunch every day and expect him home for tea. If I thought he was pocketing that fiver and eating your food I would be raging. I'm going to check with the other mum now!

What's your relationship like with the other parents? I think you could send a text saying "happy to have the kids here any time over the summer holidays but I'm going to have to start sending them home for meals, theyre eating me out of house and home 😀 ."

I wouldn't be upset to receive that sort of message.

Yes I think this message is very sensible and clear

xyz111 · 16/08/2023 12:13

I'd speak to your children and say the friends are welcome to come, but they need to bring food with them. Any issues with that, then they don't come!