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Original poster

Can I charge kids friends for lunch?

353 replies

MotherHubbardEmptyCupboard · 16/08/2023 10:38

I am on maternity leave and so am home a lot, surprise baby so my older children are tweens/teens. Lots of their friends have either parents that work from home in the family room/parents at work/houses not geared to lots of children so ours has become the place to be.

To be clear I do not mind at all that the friends/neighbours are here, we are very lucky with a very large garden and self contained summer house so they do not really come in the house or cause any issue at all (and they all seem lovely)

The problem is food, I started doing lunch for everyone at the start of the holidays (I see that I went wrong here but this is the first time I've had the summer off, normally I work so holidays are clubs/grandparents etc)
I thought that it would balance out as my kids went to other friends but all summer they have been here, and it is getting very expensive (and I am only doing cheap food, pizzas/sandwiches/pasta etc)

I'm not sure how to approach it, or what to do I don't really want to stop them coming over as that isn't the issue, can I ask their parents for a contribution and if so what is reasonable? -they are often here between 9am and 6pm (enforced as I was ending up providing breakfast and now they have to go home for dinner)

TLDR- can I ask parents for money for food when their kid is regularly at mine for 8+ hours a day?

I am about to sort out baby so I will come back but it maybe delayed. (I've NC to not link but if you recognise me please feel free to speak irl)

OP posts:
Solonge · 17/08/2023 19:20

I wouldnt ask for money for food but would say you cant continue providing meals so could all kids come with a packed lunch please.

JellyOnPlate · 17/08/2023 19:39

Aldi?

Bulk buy lots of cheap sliced bread, cheap ham cheap cheese and jam.

Job done tick

Shutuptrevor · 17/08/2023 19:40

I’d just buy bread, butter, cheese, jam and a bag of apples and let them make their own sandwiches. If they want to buy something else surely that’s up to them?

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Families
IWillNoLie · 17/08/2023 19:42

I would send them home for lunch. Do not ask for payment or suggest packed lunches - doing so would merely ‘formalise’ the current arrangement and the parents would not just hope you would look after their children - they would expect it.

TwitchetyWitcheryWooWoo · 17/08/2023 19:44

Why not turn it into a fun thing and suggest a ‘pot luck’ day where each of the kids brings something different and they set it all up in the summerhouse? They can take it from there and do themed pot luck days.

Sennelier1 · 17/08/2023 19:47

Lunch, every single day of the (work)week? You're a saint! But to make a smooth(er) transition, I would tell the parents you will still provide a nice lunch on (fri)day, (or whatever day suits you best), and will they please give their kids packed lunches for the other days? That way you make it clear their children are welcome but that they can't expect you to feed them every day. If and when some of the children didn't bring a lunchbox just offer them a piece of fruit. That way nobody can say you let them starve.

sarah419 · 17/08/2023 19:49

tell parents you are happy to host but aren’t always able to make lunch for everyone due to baby etc so can they take it in turns to either order pizza for all or send a big enough dish every few days so it rotates

HeartbrokenAunt · 17/08/2023 20:27

You’re being used a free childcare. That’s not on. Next parent to ask if their child can spend day, ask if it’s ok they bring packed lunch because maternity pay is limited. Or because you don’t want to feed them junk. My older son is spending days at various classmates houses because we’ve got the builders in and it’s no fun for him. I pack him off with drinks, snacks and cash to buy his lunch and his friend’s - eg McD’s or Tesco pizza. I’ve promised to return the favour when we get our house back to ourselves but I’m very grateful to his friends for having him.

Aumamax · 17/08/2023 20:28

I personally wouldn’t ask them for money. Could you not bring it up on conversation and just say something like ‘oh I have been meaning to say, can you provide … with snacks and lunch for coming round as I just don’t have enough for everyone’. Plain and simple as you want them to take the hint.

I actually think it’s quite rude that parents have sent their children round with nothing to be honest!

Missingpop · 17/08/2023 20:40

From today say everyone has to bring something to contribute towards lunch or they bring a packed lunch each or ask your children to change the times friends come round, from Monday no one comes round until 1pm that gives you time to give your children their lunch & get cleared up before they all arrive; I’m sure if you sit your children down & talk to them they’d actually understand more than you think.

VanGoghsDog · 17/08/2023 20:47

Speak to all the parents, tell them you do lunch for everyone one day a week (say, Monday) so can Fred please bring over lunch for everyone Tuesday, Lisa can do Wed, Tilly Thursday and Amir Friday. Siblings share a day. If no food, they can bring money and go to the shop, but it's for everyone.

You don't mind providing water and plates......

Katbum · 17/08/2023 21:21

VivaDixie · 17/08/2023 18:54

OP DOES NOT WANT TO SEND THEM AWAY

How many more times FFS

I think if this is the case my question would be;

Can you afford it? If yes, then you need to keep paying and see it as a ‘pay it forward’ type situation where your generosity will be rewarded with good will. If no, you need to explain to your kids lunch costs money and you are struggling and ask them to brainstorm solutions.

Original poster
MotherHubbardEmptyCupboard · 17/08/2023 21:43

Thank you everyone I have read every single reply.

Really pleased I posted as it has given me different thoughts.

I've spoken to my children tonight and have said that I am happy to continue with food at home but that there will be a limit each week and they will have to let their friends know and for them to bring lunch as well.

I will also be getting an air fryer for the summer house so that they can heat their own food.

I honestly don't think the kids or the parents are CF, and these kids wouldn't be in expensive childcare they would just be hanging around in less suitable/comfortable areas.

OP posts:
IhearyouClemFandango · 17/08/2023 21:48

We are a bit like you OP, ours is the hang out house for our eldest and happy to be so. Good call on an air fryer and a chat with the kids.

Dontworkmondays · 17/08/2023 21:53

I kind of think just keep doing it. I doesn’t sound like you’re truely hard up as you have a summer house and a big garden. But I get it, daily catering gets expensive especially when it’s not acknowledged. But asking for money would definitely change the natural hangout that has developed.

I would suggest just keep the status quo, consider it the tax on happy memories of having all the kids round your house. :)
p.s you sound great.

7eleven · 17/08/2023 21:56

The MASSIVE upside to your house being the hang out house is that you know where your kids are.

Original poster
MotherHubbardEmptyCupboard · 17/08/2023 21:59

Yes, we are very lucky but like most I do have to budget and this last week I've gone significantly over the shopping one. Talking it through on here and then with DH has helped.

I do have to say that I would never call mine in and just feed them and let the other kids feel awkward or in the way. I have been very clear about what times they were welcome I just needed to find how to be clear on the food.

OP posts:
GreenFritillary · 17/08/2023 22:21

"I love having you all but we can't afford to keep on feeding the five thousand day in, day out - please can we do bring and share?"

PrincessFiorimonde · 18/08/2023 00:25

OP, you sound like a lovely person and I get that you're happy to have all the kids at your place.

I know some posters think the parents are CFs, but I'm in the camp that thinks they probably aren't, because they may not realise their kids are being fed by you every day. E.g. if their kids are walking/getting the bus to your house, the parents may think their DC are sometimes at yours, sometimes at someone else's, sometimes hanging out in the park, sometimes mooching about the town. (Depends how communicative the kids are, I guess!) Also they may well have given their kids lunch/spending money, which the DC have simply pocketed or spent on something else. (Not because they're bad kids, but because they just haven't thought about what it's costing you to feed half a dozen extra children every day.)

However, I did notice that yesterday you used the words 'whilst kids were being collected'. If at least some of the parents are collecting their DC from yours, do they do this often enough to realise they are with you an awful lot? If so, these parents may of course still think their kids are going to the shop to buy their own lunches, but it does make me think that they might have checked this with you when they were collecting their DC.

Anyway, I've seen your update that you've talked to your DC about this, and agreed on a limit to the food you're providing. This seems like a good solution, and I hope it works out well.

I hope you and your DC enjoy the rest of the summer, and congratulations on your 'surprise baby'!

Weedoormatnomore · 18/08/2023 08:32

I am surprised that none of these parents have spoken to you or even dropped of some snacks or drinks something while kids are at yours. Some must know where the kids are if the house is a distance that would involve you driving your kids if they went to friends house. Guess I was just lucky when kids came here!

Original poster
MotherHubbardEmptyCupboard · 18/08/2023 10:20

As before I don't think the parents are CF, and I haven't encouraged parental involvement because in reality I'm not involved, it really is just like kids hanging out at the park with no adult supervision, the only difference is that I own it. I knew I didn't want to be seen as childcare and so my children have just hung out and messaged /organised who they want.
For example when kids leave/get collected at 6 they all just go, I know some get collected but they disperse, I don't say goodbye or even see them as dealing with baby, so no chance to see parents (or expectations)

This post was more about how I should approach the cost of food and I'm really pleased I posted as I have been able to talk through the ideas and I'm happy with what is now implemented.

OP posts:
Pumpkinspice13 · 18/08/2023 10:25

No, they didn’t and aren’t asking you to feed their children. Tell your children to invite friends after lunch and that their friends have to leave before dinner.

Original poster
MotherHubbardEmptyCupboard · 18/08/2023 10:49

But why? I have no problem with them being here at 9?
As for feeding them, they do need to feed themselves or be fed- if we had an actual supermarket within walking distance then I would be less concerned but we have the world's most expensive shop, and I don't want my kids wasting their pocket money there. Anyway it's all good now

OP posts:
5128gap · 18/08/2023 10:59

Dontworkmondays · 17/08/2023 21:53

I kind of think just keep doing it. I doesn’t sound like you’re truely hard up as you have a summer house and a big garden. But I get it, daily catering gets expensive especially when it’s not acknowledged. But asking for money would definitely change the natural hangout that has developed.

I would suggest just keep the status quo, consider it the tax on happy memories of having all the kids round your house. :)
p.s you sound great.

The fact that people may have acquired some material assets is not always related to the amount of cash they have to spend. Given Dominos are unlikely to trade a summer house for a stuffed crust Pepperoni or Tesco accept a herbaceous border for a weeks shop, it doesn't really help with the immediate problem.

SheilaFentiman · 18/08/2023 17:05

MotherHubbardEmptyCupboard · 18/08/2023 10:20

As before I don't think the parents are CF, and I haven't encouraged parental involvement because in reality I'm not involved, it really is just like kids hanging out at the park with no adult supervision, the only difference is that I own it. I knew I didn't want to be seen as childcare and so my children have just hung out and messaged /organised who they want.
For example when kids leave/get collected at 6 they all just go, I know some get collected but they disperse, I don't say goodbye or even see them as dealing with baby, so no chance to see parents (or expectations)

This post was more about how I should approach the cost of food and I'm really pleased I posted as I have been able to talk through the ideas and I'm happy with what is now implemented.

Glad you have a resolution, OP!