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Original poster

Can I charge kids friends for lunch?

353 replies

MotherHubbardEmptyCupboard · 16/08/2023 10:38

I am on maternity leave and so am home a lot, surprise baby so my older children are tweens/teens. Lots of their friends have either parents that work from home in the family room/parents at work/houses not geared to lots of children so ours has become the place to be.

To be clear I do not mind at all that the friends/neighbours are here, we are very lucky with a very large garden and self contained summer house so they do not really come in the house or cause any issue at all (and they all seem lovely)

The problem is food, I started doing lunch for everyone at the start of the holidays (I see that I went wrong here but this is the first time I've had the summer off, normally I work so holidays are clubs/grandparents etc)
I thought that it would balance out as my kids went to other friends but all summer they have been here, and it is getting very expensive (and I am only doing cheap food, pizzas/sandwiches/pasta etc)

I'm not sure how to approach it, or what to do I don't really want to stop them coming over as that isn't the issue, can I ask their parents for a contribution and if so what is reasonable? -they are often here between 9am and 6pm (enforced as I was ending up providing breakfast and now they have to go home for dinner)

TLDR- can I ask parents for money for food when their kid is regularly at mine for 8+ hours a day?

I am about to sort out baby so I will come back but it maybe delayed. (I've NC to not link but if you recognise me please feel free to speak irl)

OP posts:
ChoccyBickies · 17/08/2023 15:29

SheilaFentiman · 17/08/2023 15:20

@ChoccyBickies given they are teens and tweens, there is a good chance they are making their own way to OP's house. Mine (13 and 16) get the train to meet friends regularly and have done for a couple of years.

Yes I take your point.

BUT it really is overstaying their welcome to expect food every day.
Tricky when the OP started it but as a parent, I'd feel unhappy about my child eating for 'free' at a friend's house, day after day.

It IS possible that as the OP says she has a large garden and summer house that she's also well-off and the other parents don't consider the cost of these lunches.

But they should.

I couldn't and wouldn't expect another parent to feed my child every day and would offer to pay or provide pizzas etc for them.

SheilaFentiman · 17/08/2023 15:33

I agree that I wouldn’t, but as I said in an earlier post, the kids may have had this conversation (“my mum says does your mum want any money for food” “nah, it’s fine”) or, as others have said, the parents have said “here’s a tenner for lunches this week” and the kids haven’t thought to offer it if at someone’s house rather than getting a Tesco sandwich

hylian · 17/08/2023 15:35

pinkstripeycat · 17/08/2023 09:32

Call yours in for food while the mates stay in the summerhouse. Mates will get hungry and either start bringing their own food or go home for food

This.

You don't really have to explain yourself or do anything about the other kids' food. Just feed your kids. The others will work things out, they'll either go home for lunch or start bringing something with them.

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zurala · 17/08/2023 15:55

Can't you just talk to them and ask them to bring something? "Hey guys, I love having you all over but I'm struggling a bit with buying lunch for you all, tomorrow could you bring a load of bread and some ham to make your lunches with?"
Each day at home time remind them to bring a contribution the next day. It's not as cringe as asking for money and you'll likely end up with extra food.
Or text the parents and say the same thing, ask for a food contribution. I bet no one has thought about it and they will all be mortified!

Katbum · 17/08/2023 16:16

No. You can only really change timings (so they come before/after lunch), or stop
the play dates altogether imo.

DNLove · 17/08/2023 16:30

I'd talk to the kids and explain it to them. Put a snack box in the summer house with you contribution and tell the kids to fill it as they wish. I'd be leaving a bottle of dilute juice and an Aldi multipack of crisps in the summer house and leave it at that. Call your child in for lunch. Let the rest go home if they're hungry for a proper meal.

Louoby · 17/08/2023 16:40

I would absolutely tell my children to tell their friends that they need to go home for lunch. I wouldn’t want everyone round constantly so maybe with baby coming, tell them they need to find somewhere else to hang out too.

waterrat · 17/08/2023 16:51

Op you sound absolutely lovely and its interesting that a lot of people replying hwre cant grasp you are happy to do this with no reciprocation

I think you should be totally clear and tell parents you are happy to make a joint healthy meal for kids who want to chip in...and say cheerfully its going to be better value than the local corner shop

You have nothing to lose

waterrat · 17/08/2023 16:52

So many answers that ignore you saying you are happy having the kids there and telling yiu to send them away. Not the point ! The op like the kids hanging out and is just dealing with a pragmatic food issue

ElaineEliLitty · 17/08/2023 17:07

As a parent I’d be wondering what they are eating if not eating at home. I’d then ask questions and check if was ok with you and if you’d want contributions. Do people not check their kids have food etc?
OK so my girls are young and not teens but even so

Beelezebub · 17/08/2023 17:18

Stop cooking lunch for them all and send them home? Seems like the most sensible option tbh.

JustAnotherCheeseburger · 17/08/2023 17:25

I'd just ask your kids to message their friends and say they need to bring a packed lunch/pot noodle etc or money to get something from the local shop. My teen would happily eat a pot noodle every day for lunch so that would be a win for her Grin

It's fab you're happy to have them around though, that's really lovely

LovelyJubbly12345 · 17/08/2023 17:30

n

TallerThanAverage · 17/08/2023 17:41

Konfetka · 16/08/2023 11:02

Cheeky parents. They're benefiting hugely from your generosity, the least they could do is reimburse you for food.

If the truth be known the parents are probably giving their children some money for lunch every day and the kids are coining it in.

LuckySantangelo35 · 17/08/2023 17:45

Charge ‘em OP
They’ll soon get the message
not fair for you to have to spend so much on food

CoffeeBean5 · 17/08/2023 17:49

@MotherHubbardEmptyCupboard tell your dc that they can't play out/invite friends over until they've had lunch. Stop offering the friends lunch and snacks if they come round so often.

Tonightsthenight91 · 17/08/2023 17:52

I probably wouldn’t mind this..particularly if they were entertaining themselves and even more so in a summer house! But an idea might be to have a snack draw over in the summer house and tell them once it’s gone it’s gone so fend for themselves?

7eleven · 17/08/2023 17:54

I think there’s only two weeks of holidays left. The bonding and benefits your kids are getting is brilliant and if you can afford it, I’d just keep it up. Rightly or wrongly it’ll kill the vibe if you send them home etc.

Set different boundaries in the next holidays though!

Cetim · 17/08/2023 18:03

I agree I think their parents are taking the piss. Childcare is extortionate these days. If I were one of the parents i would offer money or offer to send them with a packed lunch at least.

Use some of the suggestions that you have been given packed lunchbox send them home.

ThereIbledit · 17/08/2023 18:27

Are the kids old enough that you can say to them all "Right, next week your lunches are going to be your collective responsibility. Here's the tesco app for the prices, you lot work out what you need to buy and how much of it (and I'll help if you get stuck), there are 10 of you so I suggest you budget £50 for the week and you each bring me £5 before I put the order in on Friday.

Kills multiple birds with one stone - Kids get to have some autonomy, learn a bit about budgeting and food planning, and you're not stumping up for everybody's lunch nor are you seen as a tightwad. They'll make some mistakes I'm sure, and I might be being optimistic with a fiver, but what parent is going to say no to a tenner a week for their kids to be fed and out from under their feet all day??

indyocean · 17/08/2023 18:44

Eek,

can you tell your kids that the friends can’t come over on certain days so they’re going to have to hang out at their mates part of the week

so what if parents work at home! They’re rude to not check in with you and ask if it’s ok for little jonny to hang out at yours every day

FixTheBone · 17/08/2023 18:52

Depends what your relationship with the parents is like....

Could you say that if they sent their kids with some of their favorite food, you'd be happy to cook it etc?

if they query it , say I wouldn't mind if it was just x at our house, but y and z are also here most days, and the cost is starting to build up a bit.

VivaDixie · 17/08/2023 18:54

OP DOES NOT WANT TO SEND THEM AWAY

How many more times FFS

Ifellasleep · 17/08/2023 19:01

I would text the parents and let them know it has been lovely to have x over the summer but the expense of feeding everyone as you’re having 6-10 kids hanging out everyday is too much. X needs to come home for lunch going forward as you can’t financially keep feeding everyone due to being on maternity leave.

anyone not a CF will offer to reimburse you for your costs so far

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 17/08/2023 19:02

They need to either bring a packed lunch or start popping home for lunch.

Honestly, the parents really should have realised this, and suggested buying lunch for you all on certain days.