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Original poster

Can I charge kids friends for lunch?

353 replies

MotherHubbardEmptyCupboard · 16/08/2023 10:38

I am on maternity leave and so am home a lot, surprise baby so my older children are tweens/teens. Lots of their friends have either parents that work from home in the family room/parents at work/houses not geared to lots of children so ours has become the place to be.

To be clear I do not mind at all that the friends/neighbours are here, we are very lucky with a very large garden and self contained summer house so they do not really come in the house or cause any issue at all (and they all seem lovely)

The problem is food, I started doing lunch for everyone at the start of the holidays (I see that I went wrong here but this is the first time I've had the summer off, normally I work so holidays are clubs/grandparents etc)
I thought that it would balance out as my kids went to other friends but all summer they have been here, and it is getting very expensive (and I am only doing cheap food, pizzas/sandwiches/pasta etc)

I'm not sure how to approach it, or what to do I don't really want to stop them coming over as that isn't the issue, can I ask their parents for a contribution and if so what is reasonable? -they are often here between 9am and 6pm (enforced as I was ending up providing breakfast and now they have to go home for dinner)

TLDR- can I ask parents for money for food when their kid is regularly at mine for 8+ hours a day?

I am about to sort out baby so I will come back but it maybe delayed. (I've NC to not link but if you recognise me please feel free to speak irl)

OP posts:
Mamabear48 · 17/08/2023 08:57

I find it’s actually quite rude of them not to even offer towards costs or provide a lunch or snacks for their kids. That’s terrible of them. I would ask them to provide lunch and snacks for the kids

bumblebee1987 · 17/08/2023 08:58

Where do the parents think their kids food is coming from??! If they were at summer camps, not only would it be costing them money, but they would also have to provide a lunchbox!

SamosaChaat · 17/08/2023 08:58

Just speak to the parents. Tell them that they need to chip in. Tbh, they sound cheeky to have not offered themselves or sent something to share. They're taking advantage of free childcare!

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MyspecialMug · 17/08/2023 09:10

Get them to think it was their idea to give you a little amount of money towards food, (which is very reasonable).
Tell them, you don't think you can do lunch and snacks anymore, as its costing alot. Say if you only knew of a way to get x amount every week, you could buy a few treats.
Let them think about it, I bet they'll come back with a solution.
Enjoy the summer, you seam like a lovely mam, and the kids must really like you if they want to be in your home everyday.

Zoommeout · 17/08/2023 09:10

I wouldn’t charge, but I would ask them to bring packed lunches / drinks and snacks .

Cornishclio · 17/08/2023 09:12

Tell them to go home at lunchtime and stop providing snacks. A one off is ok but not everyday

Newtrix · 17/08/2023 09:27

@MotherHubbardEmptyCupboard I think you sound like a lovely mum.

pinkstripeycat · 17/08/2023 09:32

Call yours in for food while the mates stay in the summerhouse. Mates will get hungry and either start bringing their own food or go home for food

hygieneversusplanet · 17/08/2023 09:39

Mamabear48 · 17/08/2023 08:57

I find it’s actually quite rude of them not to even offer towards costs or provide a lunch or snacks for their kids. That’s terrible of them. I would ask them to provide lunch and snacks for the kids

Me too! They know full well that their kids need to eat through the day. CF behaviour IMO!

Zonder · 17/08/2023 09:40

We are often in a similar position with our teens and friends gathering here more than elsewhere. Like @MotherHubbardEmptyCupboard I'm happy for them to be here but we do often suggest they all walk to the supermarket and get something for lunch so that evens it out. Gives them a bit of exercise too.

ActDottie · 17/08/2023 09:41

I don’t think you can ask for money. Maybe a contribution each day in terms of a food item though so sharer bag of crisps or breadsticks etc.

knobheed99 · 17/08/2023 09:49

The parents are cheeky fuckers. I know you say you don't mind etcetc. but I think it's really off of parents just to let their kids go round to someone else's house day after day all summer and seemingly just assume you will feed them. Or are the parents who work leaving lunch food for the kids which isn't then being eaten because they aren't even aware the kids are at yours for lunch. It shows a lack of concern really.
I would just put a stop to it completely. Just give them a warning that you'll only feed them today and tomorrow but from monday they need to make their own lunch arrangements - ie. bring a packed lunch from home, go to the convenience store and buy something (tough shit if it's expensive), go home for lunch.
And then stick to it. Your kids can make themselves a sandwich in your kitchen but everyone else has to provide their own food. You've set a precedent and this will continue until the end of the summer and every other school holiday from now on if you don't stop it.

It's beyond cheeky that you were also providing breakfast until you stopped that!! I mean, honestly!!! Who the hell are these parents??

Also the kids are old enough to be told it's costing far too much money to be feeding 10 kids every day and you can't afford it. That's it. No more lunches.

Puffalicious · 17/08/2023 09:54

Hey OP, I get you. With 3 DS -2 older teens- I've had the food issues for years (the worst is when one sticks around at dinner time & I don't have enough made/ left out to make then I feel bad, but that's another issue).

The best thing I ever bought was a toastie maker. It's never off in our place. I just tell DS2 to leave the expensive ham/ pastrami/ chicken pieces be & stick to cheese when making for a million mates. Sometimes they just eat hundreds of toast!

We're very lucky as we have an Aldi 2 minutes' walk away & a Tesco express for late night nibbles, but you could maybe provide a loaf of bread (frozen also great in toasties)& hint that they could all go together to the local shop & buy a block of cheese/ ham/ whatever & make them in the summer house anytime they like. Toastie maker also much cheaper than an air-fryer.

I bought a toastie maker for DNiece off to uni years ago, & she says it's the most used item ever as it's easy & cheap. (Bought her a Soda Stream for Christmas last year & she says it's amazing- they all club together for the gas & concentrates. We also have one- it's a game changer). Good luck.

3luckystars · 17/08/2023 10:00

I don’t understand why you think any of this is your problem, you seem to be worried about these teenager that are not even yours! Why is that? Their own parents are not worrying about money or how expensive the shop is? Why are you?

just say today ‘I can’t afford to keep feeding ye lads anymore’ and then just stop.

Like the same way you started. Just stop.

Let your own kids sort their own lunches out for a few days and move away from the situation entirely. All the best.

FloofCloud · 17/08/2023 10:07

The parents are cheeky to think it's ok to send their kids with no food - they should be sending food and snacks plus wine for you!

Oattree · 17/08/2023 10:10

Are you a childcare facility? 9an til 6pm really?

Ask them to come after lunch

Ask your teens to ask their friends to bring money to order take away, buy food together and cook lunch.

Ask them to bring their own food if they are staying most day every day

DameCurlyBassey · 17/08/2023 10:12

Puffalicious · 17/08/2023 09:54

Hey OP, I get you. With 3 DS -2 older teens- I've had the food issues for years (the worst is when one sticks around at dinner time & I don't have enough made/ left out to make then I feel bad, but that's another issue).

The best thing I ever bought was a toastie maker. It's never off in our place. I just tell DS2 to leave the expensive ham/ pastrami/ chicken pieces be & stick to cheese when making for a million mates. Sometimes they just eat hundreds of toast!

We're very lucky as we have an Aldi 2 minutes' walk away & a Tesco express for late night nibbles, but you could maybe provide a loaf of bread (frozen also great in toasties)& hint that they could all go together to the local shop & buy a block of cheese/ ham/ whatever & make them in the summer house anytime they like. Toastie maker also much cheaper than an air-fryer.

I bought a toastie maker for DNiece off to uni years ago, & she says it's the most used item ever as it's easy & cheap. (Bought her a Soda Stream for Christmas last year & she says it's amazing- they all club together for the gas & concentrates. We also have one- it's a game changer). Good luck.

I don’t often buy bread but was shocked by the price of a loaf the other day. I couldn’t believe it.

tillylula · 17/08/2023 10:14

I remember a boy at school who's mum used to charge his freinds 50p for a glass of water. She was NOT liked by the kids or their parents. Don't be that person. They can bring their own food. Surprised the parents haven't cottoned on and apologised/sent food to you because I would if I realise my kids were taking the piss.

Deise · 17/08/2023 10:17

GigiAnnna · 16/08/2023 10:42

I get why it's a problem but no I don't think you can ask for money. I'd get your child to meet their friends somewhere else on some days or ask them to come after lunch. I'd just provide snacks and drinks, not meals.

This is a brilliant idea and the way to go!!

ASCCM · 17/08/2023 10:17

I genuinely think these other parents are taking the piss!! I wouldn’t allow any of mine to be at someone’s for this amount of time without checking in with the parent / offering cash or supplies! Honestly, it’s wild to me that no one has been in touch!

talk to your kids, let them know it’s not sustainable and let the message trickle through …. They won’t want you skint and I bet they’ve not even thought about it!

Deise · 17/08/2023 10:17

Deise · 17/08/2023 10:17

This is a brilliant idea and the way to go!!

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Quoted wrong post 🙈

BungleandGeorge · 17/08/2023 10:45

You want them to be at your house because it’s easier for you, you know where your kids are and your kids prefer being at home. So you encourage them with providing lunch. So either I think you continue providing a basic lunch or you accept that the kids will go other places, other houses, to the shops etc. I presume that why you don’t tell them to go home at lunchtime, because they will scatter. I do r think you can ask for money, possibly you could ask them to bring a packed lunch

Puffalicious · 17/08/2023 10:48

DameCurlyBassey · 17/08/2023 10:12

I don’t often buy bread but was shocked by the price of a loaf the other day. I couldn’t believe it.

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Oh it can be ridiculous. Luckily in Aldi the nice one with seeds is £1.35 and the slightly less nice one with seeds is only 85p.

Viviennemary · 17/08/2023 10:52

No I dont think you can charge them. And I wouldnt ask them to bring a packed lunch. But really the parents should be offering to do this or at least invite your dcs back. I would stop providing lunch and send them home. But up to you.

determinedtomakethiswork · 17/08/2023 10:54

I think all you can do is say they have to bring their own food. It's just ridiculous otherwise. Do the parents realise you're on maternity leave and are paying for so many children?

Btw if you get an air fryer make sure they wash it after every meal.