Can I charge kids friends for lunch?

[MotherHubbardEmptyCupboard]

I am on maternity leave and so am home a lot, surprise baby so my older children are tweens/teens. Lots of their friends have either parents that work from home in the family room/parents at work/houses not geared to lots of children so ours has become the place to be.

To be clear I do not mind at all that the friends/neighbours are here, we are very lucky with a very large garden and self contained summer house so they do not really come in the house or cause any issue at all (and they all seem lovely)

The problem is food, I started doing lunch for everyone at the start of the holidays (I see that I went wrong here but this is the first time I've had the summer off, normally I work so holidays are clubs/grandparents etc)
I thought that it would balance out as my kids went to other friends but all summer they have been here, and it is getting very expensive (and I am only doing cheap food, pizzas/sandwiches/pasta etc)

I'm not sure how to approach it, or what to do I don't really want to stop them coming over as that isn't the issue, can I ask their parents for a contribution and if so what is reasonable? -they are often here between 9am and 6pm (enforced as I was ending up providing breakfast and now they have to go home for dinner)

TLDR- can I ask parents for money for food when their kid is regularly at mine for 8+ hours a day?

I am about to sort out baby so I will come back but it maybe delayed. (I've NC to not link but if you recognise me please feel free to speak irl)

@Helpmepleaseimbusy "Also you shouldn't be providing free childcare. If the kids are old enough they can go out."

Oh don't be silly! She isn't providing childcare!

Have read through your replies. I guess it does depend how well you know the parents but I don't think it would come accross badly to just be honest with them. Perhaps call them and say it suits you having everyone at your house and by no means do you want to stop but can they send with lunches or even £1 a day to help. They have all been on maternity themselves at some point and so would understand funds are less right now. You also don't know if the parents are sending their kids with money that's not making it to you. I'd like to think any parent would ask what their eating when they have been gone 8 hours.

Haven't read the full thread so sorry if this has already been suggested but why don't you just get them a microwave or airfryer for the summer house and tell your kids to plan and sort lunches with their friends themselves. At that age they will be more than capable of it. That's what we used to do in the summer holidays sometimes, we would pool our money together in a kitty and a couple of us (maybe different people each time) would go to the shops to get things for lunch. We were usually out and about rather than in someone's house so it would be more picnic food but it could work for any food that they are able to cook in the space they've got. I would just make an agreement with your kids that makes it as easy for you as possible. They sort it, pay themselves and clean up after themselves.

Tell your kids to make their own lunch and say there's some crisps or popcorn (micro bags are cheap) if their mates are hungry but don't offer to make for everyone. Or make sandwiches for your own in advance and tell them their lunch is in the fridge, if they ask of there is anything for their mates then direct them to cheap snacks

What happened, OP? Did you tell everyone to bring packed lunches?

YANBU at all.

For those berating the parents - OP has at least two older children, and has said that yesterday (when she posted) there were 10 children, when usually there are 6-8 including hers. So that’s 2-3 guests per child. I would bet my boots that, if a parent asks who was there, the tweens would only say the other tweens and same for the teens. It also seems possible that each friend is showing up 2-3 times a week rather than 5 times.

Also, at this age, the kids would communicate with each other, not OP. “My mum says does your mum want any pizza money” “Oh, no, it’s cool” may be a conversation that has happened!

None of these are reasons for OP not to explicitly request guests bring packed lunch, but this situation has evolved rather than been set in stone.

As for breakfast - mine would happily eat it at home and then eat any offered at a friend’s house as well 😀

Just as an aside: Are your neighbours happy living next to your summer-long garden free for all? Any of them trying to wfh?

Good point. I'm pretty sure I don't live next door to the OP, but I'm trying to WFH, with the windows open, and any noise is a real nuisance. I know people have to live and children need to play BUT I NEED TO CONCENTRATE!!!

haha. I work from home. I wouldn't even blink of the neighbourhood kids were all at one house or another. The key phrase in "work from home" being "home".

Agree @IreneGoodnight and @MeetMyCat

It's not a great idea generally for all the summer socialising to happen just at one person's home. For all sorts of reasons: not just the food thing the OP mentioned, but a group of tweens and teens are hardly going to be sitting around talking in hushed tones. It also sets up an imbalance in the friendship group when things are one-way.

I'm getting the feeling it quite suits the OP at the moment because she feels more comfortable knowing where the kids are, rather than them going to the park/ town and also she's more tied to the house with a baby too. However, for many reasons it's probably better to change things so that one house doesn't become the hang out place.

@watermeloncougar " However, for many reasons it's probably better to change things so that one house doesn't become the hang out place."

I really don't agree with this. I think being the "hang out house" is great. Apart from the food, I can't really see a downside.

I’d probably start by setting an amount you’re happy to spend each week on DS and his friends, and then stick to it. E.g. get a pizza in and some snacks at the start of the week and say something to them like “oh I’ve popped snacks etc here, but I’m not doing another shop til next Tues so just bare that in mind. Enjoy!”

I’d imagine they will start to bring their own food pretty sharpish.

I think it’s lovely that they see your home as a hub, and that you’re facilitating that 💗 we have a big garden and cabin too (but very young children) and really hope they use it in this way. X

Have you thought of working in an office, if working from home is too noisy?

Children playing are just using their homes in the way in which they are intended: as homes.

We do hybrid working, I book a desk for two day per week. Which means the other three at home. If you read my post properly, I do acknowledge that children need to play.

There's a difference between the sounds of children playing in their own home, and the sound of a large gathering of teens and tweens.

But surely a parent of a tween/teen would still think, 'Hmm, better check that what they think is 'cool with it' is what I/MotherH thinks is cool too...'?
I maintain that the parents are taking the piss.

I do get the predicament op. I'd be too embarrassed to ask anything to the kids or parents, do it'd be a choice between sucking it up with cheapo food, minimal snacks or tell dc to not call friends anymore with some excuses. Your teens are probably old enough to understand.

I doubt it. DS regularly wanders off for a day and lands up eating out or at a friend's, and we have people here. But I can easily see a situation where it didn't become clear that everyone was hanging out at one person's house and the children were all being fed there AND that was a problem. Because the DC will be breezily telling their parents, "yeah, OP's mum made sandwiches, it's all good".

Having said that, DS has come back hungry a few times as he's too embarrassed to eat when offered by other people. I can't work it out. Drives me mad.

Agree with MsMarch.

I just cannot believe that the parents of visiting children aren’t aware that you are constantly providing meals and offer to do something to help!

I am v curious as to whether those saying “can’t believe parents don’t know what teens are eating” have got anything other than grunts out of their own 14 year olds when asked civil questions like “what did you do today, what happened about lunch?”

I find it incredible that parents are dropping their kids off at yours and leaving them all day!

You aren't an unpaid childminder are you?

SO bad mannered @MotherHubbardEmptyCupboard !

When I was a child, I was told by my mum 'Never outstay your welcome' .

That meant being aware of when the host parents were preparing lunch, tea, dinner and say 'I am going home now.'

Some parents would invite me to stay, but it was never expected.

Whoever 'owns' these children needs a lesson in manners.

You need to shoo them off home saying it's your lunch time.

OR talk to the parents and tell them to give their child a snack if they intend to leave them all day.

Both these stories have made me tear up!
😥

@ChoccyBickies given they are teens and tweens, there is a good chance they are making their own way to OP's house. Mine (13 and 16) get the train to meet friends regularly and have done for a couple of years.

maybe say you’ve not been shopping this week so they’ll have to go out for lunch or someone else’s house?
have a word with your son and ask him to speak to his mates - “mums knackered and got a lot on with work so come round after lunch time” or he suggeststo them they Uber in some food and split cost