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Original poster

Can I charge kids friends for lunch?

353 replies

MotherHubbardEmptyCupboard · 16/08/2023 10:38

I am on maternity leave and so am home a lot, surprise baby so my older children are tweens/teens. Lots of their friends have either parents that work from home in the family room/parents at work/houses not geared to lots of children so ours has become the place to be.

To be clear I do not mind at all that the friends/neighbours are here, we are very lucky with a very large garden and self contained summer house so they do not really come in the house or cause any issue at all (and they all seem lovely)

The problem is food, I started doing lunch for everyone at the start of the holidays (I see that I went wrong here but this is the first time I've had the summer off, normally I work so holidays are clubs/grandparents etc)
I thought that it would balance out as my kids went to other friends but all summer they have been here, and it is getting very expensive (and I am only doing cheap food, pizzas/sandwiches/pasta etc)

I'm not sure how to approach it, or what to do I don't really want to stop them coming over as that isn't the issue, can I ask their parents for a contribution and if so what is reasonable? -they are often here between 9am and 6pm (enforced as I was ending up providing breakfast and now they have to go home for dinner)

TLDR- can I ask parents for money for food when their kid is regularly at mine for 8+ hours a day?

I am about to sort out baby so I will come back but it maybe delayed. (I've NC to not link but if you recognise me please feel free to speak irl)

OP posts:
MeetMyCat · 17/08/2023 10:58

FourTeaFallOut · 16/08/2023 10:48

😁 x-post. Although I do thing if two random people call you a saint simultaneously then a sainthood should be mailed out in the post.

Or by email, making it an e-sainthood?

whowhatwerewhy · 17/08/2023 11:02

As they are teens / tweens simply tell them they are more than welcome at your house but they need to bring a packed lunch . I'm sure they will understand.

1HappyTraveller · 17/08/2023 11:04

Wouldn’t ask for money.
Maybe provide juice/squash for them to drink but tell them to bring some snacks to add to a ‘snack box’ that they can all help themselves to without you having to purchase them.
Re: lunch - either tell them to bring a packed lunch or designate a period of the day for you to have lunch with your own children without the others for some family time whichever you prefer.
Talk to your children about it, I’m sure they’ll understand.

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TheYadaYada · 17/08/2023 11:32

No you can’t ask for money!

But what kind of thoughtless parents are not sending their kids with contributions?

I’d come up with some sort of bright and breezy text to say you’re busy in the day with the baby and would appreciate if they could bring food contributions.

2Rebecca · 17/08/2023 11:34

Agree them bringing their own food or going home for lunch is the way forward. It's a shame they took advantage of you doing free food to start with but young people are often selfish and thoughtless. Running a paid for cafe rather than a free one in your garden isn't a sensible strategy

MarkWithaC · 17/08/2023 12:27

TheYadaYada · 17/08/2023 11:32

No you can’t ask for money!

But what kind of thoughtless parents are not sending their kids with contributions?

I’d come up with some sort of bright and breezy text to say you’re busy in the day with the baby and would appreciate if they could bring food contributions.

Agree with this as a way to confront parents but in a pleasant way.
But I think the parents are palming their kids off on you and taking the absolute piss. Surely you'd keep a mental tally of how much your kid is at their mates' houses and start sending them with lunch or money, or telling them not to visit at mealtimes, when you felt it was getting to the point of being unfair to the host family?

Lemmeparticipate · 17/08/2023 12:30

outrageous. I would have offered if it was my child at the same person's house every day. I'd certainly ask them to come after lunch and go home before dinner!

Dillydollydingdong · 17/08/2023 12:30

Tell them to bring a picnic

K4tM · 17/08/2023 12:39

Tell your kids everybody is welcome to hang out but that you have to stop providing food because it’s too expensive and too much work. They’ll tell their friends and then they can figure it out between them - perhaps organise a bring your own rota or a kitty. Like grown ups. It’ll be fun for them to plan and organise together. You then just stop providing lunch. Some will bring food, some will bring money, some will go hungry and eat later. But it’s definitely not your responsibility to feed them. So don’t! The parents probs haven’t even thought of it.

Johnnybegood2 · 17/08/2023 12:49

I'm suprised a other parent hasn't questioned what they are having for lunch. I'd be asking mine.

Think it depends how well you know the parents. If I was close think I'd just mention that you've been feeding them but it's getting a bit much. If I didn't know them I'd just tell the kids to go home for lunch.

What a lovely person you are though, to allow them all to come round.

stichguru · 17/08/2023 12:49

Can you talk to the parents about it? I mean I think the best thing would be to say "I'm happy for X to play here but feeding everyone everyday is getting expensive. Could you send X with a packed lunch, or a contribution to food?" My kid sometimes plays with his friend over lunchtime, sometimes he'll pop back for lunch, sometimes he eats there, sometimes he'll appear at like 4 asking for lunch! The parents may not realise how much you are feeding the kids!

SophieinParis · 17/08/2023 13:06

woah that’s mad! I’d just tell my dc they can have friends over twice a week max. The rest of the time tbh Id want to be chilling with my dc or going on some nice day trips all together.

Anna79ishere · 17/08/2023 13:20

Do you know the parents and have their phone number? Or can you ask their phone number to the kids?
I would create a WhatsApp group with all the parents - call it Summer 23 - and write - dear all, Jon, Sarah, Chris, Dave etc etc have been all coming everyday 9-6pm uk our garden for the past 4 weeks. It’s lovely to have them all and they all play nicely and days pass quickly for them. I have been preparing them lunch, so far I have prepared 23 pizzas, 70 sandwiches, bought 12 bottles of soda - be as specific as you can. However I am pregnant and getting quite tired, so can I pls ask they would get back home for lunch at 12 and come back here at 13.30?
it would be interesting to see what they reply 🤣🤣🤣

EhrlicheFrau · 17/08/2023 13:21

I don't think you can/should ask them for money, you could somehow (via your child) suggest that they take it in turns to bring something (if that could be relied upon), that they all bring things to share or they all just bring lunch with them. You've been kind but be careful this just become the norm.

watermeloncougar · 17/08/2023 13:22

I'm suprised a other parent hasn't questioned what they are having for lunch. I'd be asking mine.

I imagine they do ask:

'Hey, how was today? What did you do for lunch?'
'Oh, MotherHubbard made us pizza/ pasta/sandwiches. She was cool about it'

Let's face it, the teens are having a good time hanging out and food is provided (plus a microwave and @MotherHubbardEmptyCupboard is now considering buying them an air fryer for the summer house) so the message they're being given (and passing on to their parents) is that it's all fine

EhrlicheFrau · 17/08/2023 13:22

EhrlicheFrau · 17/08/2023 13:21

I don't think you can/should ask them for money, you could somehow (via your child) suggest that they take it in turns to bring something (if that could be relied upon), that they all bring things to share or they all just bring lunch with them. You've been kind but be careful this just become the norm.

Last sentence should read 'You've been kind but be careful this just doesn't become the norm'.

Channellingsophistication · 17/08/2023 13:24

As others have said, you can’t ask them for money, but you can ask him to bring bring a packed lunch that’s perfectly reasonable.

1mabon · 17/08/2023 13:29

Send them home at lunchtime, easy peasy.

BoohooWoohoo · 17/08/2023 13:35

I think that you should discuss this with your kids. Dropping the idea of not allowing cf to take the piss will be doing your kids a favour too.

I would be interested whether some of these kids are given money by their parents but buying sweets at the shops or saving that money instead.

LondonLass91 · 17/08/2023 13:42

Can't you make them a hotdog. £1 for a tin and £1.25 for 6 hotdog rolls.. It's tricky though isn't it!

Helpmepleaseimbusy · 17/08/2023 13:47

When they turn up in the morning say they have to go home at noon as touvhave thingd to do, but can come back at 2 as you'll be done by then.

IhearyouClemFandango · 17/08/2023 13:47

I wouldn't charge, but I would go down and say to them "guys, I can't be doing with cooking en masse every day. You're very welcome to be here but packed lunches from now on".

Helpmepleaseimbusy · 17/08/2023 13:48

Also you shouldn't be providing free childcare. If the kids are old enough they can go out. They can then go to respective houses for lunch and then pop out again.

roaringmouse · 17/08/2023 13:51

Hi OP, given everything you've said (that you're generally more than happy for the young people to hang out at your place, that it's become a regular thing and that it's easier and cheaper all round to cook in bulk etc.), I think you can and should ask for lunch money. And as an alternative, if they don't want to contribute cash, then to bring a packed lunch. Ideally, it might be best if you could send an email to all the parents and explain, so they understand the position and also state the amount. But I know if I were receiving such an email, it would totally make sense and I would be pleased and grateful to be contributing to what sounds like a very happy (and generous) arrangement!

VivaDixie · 17/08/2023 13:54

whowhatwerewhy · 17/08/2023 11:02

As they are teens / tweens simply tell them they are more than welcome at your house but they need to bring a packed lunch . I'm sure they will understand.

That is exactly what I would do - OP you sound lovely

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