Why is it every time a high earning woman starts a thread...

Lentilweaver · 2023-08-15T20:09:57+00:00

asking for financial or job advice on here, someone comes along to tell her that their salary is 1/40th of hers or some such figure. And some one else comes along to complain about her being tone deaf. Seen this several times in the last week or so. Didn't comment on the thread because I didn't want to derail the good advice being given, but at the risk of starting a TAAT, I wanted to say: FFS. Let women earn high salaries without being made to feel guilty on a women's site. If you earn a low salary, that's on you. It's not tone deaf to talk about high salaries even in a CoL crisis.

lionsleepstonight · 15/08/2023 21:20

Agree. They get a right going over, as if 100k salary equals zero problems in the rest of their lifes.

I can't work out the outrage. Is it simple jealousy or a weird misogyny.

HermioneWeasley · 15/08/2023 21:22

Agree. Money is about independence and options, stop shutting down women from discussing it

Abblaster · 15/08/2023 21:25

agreed ! Women should talk about salaries. We can’t not talk about realities for fear of offending. Lots of women are high earners.

vodkaredbullgirl · 15/08/2023 21:25

🤔

Original poster

Lentilweaver · 15/08/2023 21:27

I am not a high earner, I hasten to add. But I know many who are. On MN, there's always people who don't believe women earn that much. But if a woman posts asking for sensible advice, they are rushing in to say how much less they earn and how inadequate they feel. What's that about?🙄

OP posts:

Beachywave · 15/08/2023 21:30

I think good on them! One of my closest friends is a very high earner but she got a first in an engineering degree and has worked hard ever since and is super bright and dedicated to all aspects of her life.

I'm not going to sit here and be jealous when I didn't finish uni, had my first child young and chose to spend my normal average salary on going on a lot of holidays!

Caprisunny · 15/08/2023 21:33

People get really annoyed when people earn good money. They just think it’s ok to verbalise to women. People really dislike women being successful. It makes me laugh tbh.

I am in ‘high earner’ territory. In part, because of threads on MN. Been here since my youngest was born. And I used to read the ‘if you earn a lot what do you do’ threads and the ones just asking for general advice in a corporate setting. I found them so helpful. And also it made me think that if others could do it, so could I.

Then my marriage split up so even more skint. Single parent on 24k wasn’t fun. Carried on reading the advice, implementing it, researching, doing courses. I used some ideas and phrases people suggested to be more confident at work.

I also started investing, because I read advice from other fairly normal people. I didn’t think it was for people like me.

I actually earn, quite a lot, in part, to the threads that people like to whine about and talk shit about.

I will always be grateful for the threads labelled ‘tone deaf’. They made a huge difference to mine and my kids lives.

Also people like to talk shot about female high earners and pretend it’s a moral issue. They assume if you are a woman who earns alot of money, you must ‘leave your kids with strangers’ or ‘not want to savour every minute’ or ‘value money over family’ then tell you how they are just built different to you and it makes them a better person.

Original poster

Lentilweaver · 15/08/2023 21:36

Well done @Caprisunny.

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Godzillaisjusthangry · 15/08/2023 21:39

I find it strange, it's also something a Women would never say to a man. Almost like men are expected to be high earners and we women just somehow got there by luck, and that we should be sensitive about offending others by talking about it 😂

Then we get the 'but I'm a present mother, so I'm so much richer in life' line. 🙄 When in reality a lot of us remote workers also get to do all of the quality stuff too.

We should lift each other up, not pull each other down to make ourselves feel better.

If its obviously a thread about earning a higher wage, why turn up just to piss on someone else's chips. Just don't click on the thread if it's going to upset you. It's not compulsory!

declutteringmymind · 15/08/2023 21:56

Great post OP. I am definitely inspired and encouraged by so many successful women in here and when they post their salaries I'm always like oooooo how did they do that?

I'm a high earner myself but it doesn't mean my values are money centric. I just see it as a tool for making my life easier and to secure the safety and care of me and my family. I'm working my ass off right now in case I need to retire early to look after my mum for example. Being able to be self sufficient if required is bloody empowering too.

However I haven't always been well off, and if I was in some of the situations that the snippy posters were in then I might be bitter too. Those posters have really opened my eyes to the reality of some people's lives and how grateful I am for the things I take for granted every day. The spare room that I could go to if my DH ever abused me ( he never has), a car with fuel in to take my mum to the hospital or being able toorder something from Amazon for her to make her life easier.

Money isn't everything but when life shits on you it does make it easier, and it does give you choices.

Efficaciou5 · 15/08/2023 22:27

Perhaps it's because in posting ones salary details with an assumption that it's higher than that of the majority of the self pitying mumsnet masses they expect to invoke responses that will help to provide them with their much longed for sense of belonging, short-lived happiness and sense of superiority ?

Or maybe it's because successful, intelligent, confident women don't start threads asking for professional advice whilst posting their salary details on a public forum so as to to incite jealousy ?

Wibbleswombat · 15/08/2023 22:32

Indeed, well done, @Caprisunny !

CyberCritical · 15/08/2023 22:36

Oh and the 'well you're privileged and lucky that's why you earn more, other people have hardship....' like we all just fell into high paying jobs or were gifted them. I get that other people have worked just as hard, if not harder and don't get paid as much, but that doesn't mean that I was 'just lucky'.

Original poster

Lentilweaver · 15/08/2023 22:40

Yeah I totally disagree with you @Efficaciou5. Inciting jealousy? I mean, what!

If people are so jealous, they can just not click, just as they can not click on posts where posters go on about their loving husbands or gorgeous children or fantastic weight loss achievements....

OP posts:

SilentHedges · 15/08/2023 22:44

CyberCritical · 15/08/2023 22:36

Oh and the 'well you're privileged and lucky that's why you earn more, other people have hardship....' like we all just fell into high paying jobs or were gifted them. I get that other people have worked just as hard, if not harder and don't get paid as much, but that doesn't mean that I was 'just lucky'.

This. I've had people who know zero about my upbringing, education and life challenges, tell me how privileged I am and not everyone can do what I did. Women should support, encourage and inspire one an other, not dismiss their achievements as "lucky" or "tone deaf".

WeddingHelpNeededFast · 15/08/2023 22:52

I think it's pretty obvious that there are many bright and intelligent women on here - why wouldn't they earn great salaries? I can't tell you how much I wish I'd had a MN to read when I was young - I would have found it inspirational.

Efficaciou5 · 15/08/2023 22:57

Lentilweaver · 15/08/2023 22:40

Yeah I totally disagree with you @Efficaciou5. Inciting jealousy? I mean, what!

If people are so jealous, they can just not click, just as they can not click on posts where posters go on about their loving husbands or gorgeous children or fantastic weight loss achievements....

Well, unfortunately they can't ! ... And that's the very point that that the OP is making ! ... Their jealousy prevents them from doing so.

It's no different from all the stealth boasts of the Facebook and Instagram etc. brigade ... showing off their new houses, new cars, holidays etc. to the false well-wishes of their virtual friends who'd make every effort to cross the street so as to avoid them if they saw them approaching.

I don't unsolicitedly announce my achievements or successes to the masses, nor do I know anyone who would. Don't you find it rather crass ? ... What do you think is the real reason for such posts ?

Godzillaisjusthangry · 15/08/2023 23:04

Efficaciou5 · 15/08/2023 22:57

Well, unfortunately they can't ! ... And that's the very point that that the OP is making ! ... Their jealousy prevents them from doing so.

It's no different from all the stealth boasts of the Facebook and Instagram etc. brigade ... showing off their new houses, new cars, holidays etc. to the false well-wishes of their virtual friends who'd make every effort to cross the street so as to avoid them if they saw them approaching.

I don't unsolicitedly announce my achievements or successes to the masses, nor do I know anyone who would. Don't you find it rather crass ? ... What do you think is the real reason for such posts ?

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I'm not sure I understand the point you are making. Are you saying because of their jealousy they are unable to stop themselves clicking on a thread that will make them unhappy; therefore no one should post anything about their achievements in case its triggering for another adult who lacks impulse control?

Singleandproud · 15/08/2023 23:09

I find those threads inspirational, I don't personally know anyone who is a high earner and credit those type of earnings to film stars, lawyers etc. It's great to hear of ordinary people doing these interesting roles, many of which I'd never heard of and being compensated fairly for them.

AuntieJoyce · 15/08/2023 23:13

Efficaciou5 · 15/08/2023 22:57

Well, unfortunately they can't ! ... And that's the very point that that the OP is making ! ... Their jealousy prevents them from doing so.

It's no different from all the stealth boasts of the Facebook and Instagram etc. brigade ... showing off their new houses, new cars, holidays etc. to the false well-wishes of their virtual friends who'd make every effort to cross the street so as to avoid them if they saw them approaching.

I don't unsolicitedly announce my achievements or successes to the masses, nor do I know anyone who would. Don't you find it rather crass ? ... What do you think is the real reason for such posts ?

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Well that’s a world of difference between posting on the money board, asking for how to avoid paying 60% tax on earnings of £100k and posting on AIBU saying I only earn £100k a year, what does everyone else earn?

I can’t see how it could be like Facebook when no one on MN knows who you are

TeeBee · 15/08/2023 23:16

Meh, jealousy...pure and simple.

MichaelAndEagle · 15/08/2023 23:17

Singleandproud · 15/08/2023 23:09

I find those threads inspirational, I don't personally know anyone who is a high earner and credit those type of earnings to film stars, lawyers etc. It's great to hear of ordinary people doing these interesting roles, many of which I'd never heard of and being compensated fairly for them.

Agree, it has made me approach a few things differently too. Things I just wouldn't have thought could be for me.

Efficaciou5 · 15/08/2023 23:19

Godzillaisjusthangry · 15/08/2023 23:04

I'm not sure I understand the point you are making. Are you saying because of their jealousy they are unable to stop themselves clicking on a thread that will make them unhappy; therefore no one should post anything about their achievements in case its triggering for another adult who lacks impulse control?

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No. I'm saying that they want to vent their bitterness and resentment by making snidey comments.

I really don't care about "triggering". Peoples reactions are their own problem.

Jl2014 · 15/08/2023 23:28

Because women don’t support other women?

LadyAstor · 15/08/2023 23:30

I love it and I wish they'd post more. I like hearing from those who work in finance, science, tech and IT mostly. Some are just bright and lucky but others are phenomenally sharp and eloquent with it.

I particularly like hearing from women who're in the super-tax income bracket as that's still quite rare.

It's a window into another world.