Why is it every time a high earning woman starts a thread...

[Lentilweaver]

asking for financial or job advice on here, someone comes along to tell her that their salary is 1/40th of hers or some such figure. And some one else comes along to complain about her being tone deaf.

Seen this several times in the last week or so. Didn't comment on the thread because I didn't want to derail the good advice being given, but at the risk of starting a TAAT, I wanted to say: FFS. Let women earn high salaries without being made to feel guilty on a women's site. If you earn a low salary, that's on you. It's not tone deaf to talk about high salaries even in a CoL crisis.

Me? No, I'm replying to a PP upthread.

Oh, sorry then. I have lost track.

Not talking about salaries enables inequality in pay.

Women need to talk about wages more, not less!

It's not vulgar, it's about being transparent.

Some are hilarious in that they're able to spend so much time on Mumsnet instead of earning their six figure salary

MNs BINGO

Sorry to amplify your jealousy @ribbonbelle but in addition to my high salary and generous annual leave - I also have reasonable working hours which allow me leisure time. And in my leisure time I enjoy being on Mumsnet.

I like hearing about high earning women. It actually has helped me a lot in my own career as I know what not to accept anymore! So hurray for them!

There almost certainly are some fantasists on MN though too. They usually give it away when they start talking about how hot and sexy they are and how it's a real bummer being so gorgeous 😆. There are usually twins too. Of course beautiful women exist. I know plenty! But when they go on and on about it AND they have the great salary, great home, great love life...I'm afraid I do get suspicious sometimes. Especially since they normally sound like men getting off on the hot thing 🤢.

Is the issue not when someone comes on and says they are earning e.g. £100k but struggling to meet all their bills ie expensive mortgage or private school ? I think if you are bringing your family up on e.g. £20k this is difficult to swallow .

I agree it's unreasonable to resent someone simply for earning good money in a job they've worked hard for - but the problem is when they then complain hardship or have the assumption that people are a lower wage also don't work hard .

But why engage if it upsets you?

high earners can get themselves into financial muddles for all sorts of reasons.

people on £100k may well struggle to maintain the lifestyle they think they should have. The answers are of course downsize the house, car, make difficult decisions around taking the kids out of private school.

it’s okay for high earners to have problems. They aren’t saying they have a tougher than people in low income.

it’s like saying someone can’t complain for a headache when there are people who have cancer or people shouldn’t mention grieving the loss of a pet because people are mourning human family members.

While I agree that women should be free to post about their salaries/lifestyles, I think it goes a bit deeper than just jealousy/bitterness.

There is a significant class divide in this country and I don’t agree that everyone has the same opportunities, as another poster said - it’s not as simple as some choose not to go to libraries and others work hard. I work in education and the number of children who are disadvantaged is very high, much higher than I think many people who are from more privileged backgrounds realise. Many don’t have access to the sort of cultural capital that others find completely normal - music lessons, visits to educational venues, holidays abroad, parents and family friends who have exciting jobs and discuss this with them when they were children, museum visits, books bought for them, parents who encourage them academically. This sort of thing has a huge impact on children’s goals and expectations in life, and ultimately what they go on to achieve, and while some people leave school at 16 and end up being very successful, the majority of those in more powerful roles had a more privileged upbringing; we only need to look at those who have been in power in parliament for examples.

So I can completely understand why some women who have not experienced this sort of upbringing may view it as ‘tone deaf’ or be incredulous at some of the salaries mentioned. It may be normal to some but it is the stuff of fantasy for many.

Like I said I personally find the threads interesting and often inspiring to read, but I don’t think it’s a black and white issue.

MNs BINGO
Sorry to amplify your jealousy @ribbonbelle but in addition to my high salary and generous annual leave - I also have reasonable working hours which allow me leisure time. And in my leisure time I enjoy being on Mumsnet.

The high earner threads are notoriously rich pickings for'MN bingo' with 'six figure salaries' and so on. The irony lost on you of course.

Is that your way of telling me you are a high earner? In the school holidays you mean? Just with you asking if I'm jealous, which is a childish retort.

I'm not interested in your stories of leisure time and how you like to spend it on Mumsnet.

@Spreadbed I agree with that. But I think that's a discussion for another thread. I don't agree that everyone has the same opportunities, certainly.

So I can completely understand why some women who have not experienced this sort of upbringing may view it as ‘tone deaf’ or be incredulous at some of the salaries mentioned. It may be normal to some but it is the stuff of fantasy for many.

I would argue that it's those who come from those lower class lower middle/working (if I can use the terms in context of class) backgrounds who are more likely to discuss their now higher earnings, as they see it, and the pounds and pence they earn. Going by past threads of course.

Not that there's anything wrong with them being proud of what they've achieved.

I know it will bother some people but I find I have more time to do things, Including MN, the more senior I get.

I have fairly bad insomnia. I often do hours of work at 3am if I can’t sleep. I am not expected to work 9-5. O am expected to do a job. When it’s done isn’t important. I worked about 70 hours last week because it was needed. This week I will do a lot less. I have some decorating to do. Want to finish some embroidery. On the flip side, I could get a call at 10pm and have to log back on. Or when away. I always have my work phone and (usually) laptop with me.

It’s a great job. Not the Industry I would have chosen. But it’s worked out brilliantly.

definitely not hot or sexy though. No twins either. 😂😂😂

Have to say though I have noticed that all the men that have to work all hours…..usually are doing it as an excuse to opt out of family life. It’s an easy cop out.

School holidays are over here. We are not all in Englandshire.

Ok so you declare that you are not jealous. I wonder then what is sparking your anger.

@Bellyblueboy

Yes - I understand all that - I was just saying why someone would be upset and respond as mentioned in the OP.

i would love to turn this on its head. What SHOULD a high earning woman be allowed to post about? When SHOULD she be allowed to mention it?

If she has a salary-related work dilemma eg whether to take a promotion, which she can’t discuss with colleagues for obvious reasons, can’t discuss with friends because they have no similar reference, can’t discuss with family because “discussing money is crass”? Should she just put up and shut up rather than discussing on an anonymous forum? Maybe it would be better if she were to pretend it was about her husband, because that seems to be fine.

Or how about on a thread where the OP is actually asking for comparative salaries? Should she make up a lower figure?

Or should she just fuck off entirely?

She should hide under a blanket with a copy of Take a Break and get these destructive ideas out of her head

OP, I fail to see how posts about about this are being criticised because it's a WOMAN who is posting.

Do posters normally announce their sex when starting posts on mumsnet?

What possible basis do you have for thinking women are being criticised harder than men for posting about this? It's very clear from this thread that the criticisms stem from people being angry at the divide in society and the ridiculous amounts people are being overpaid while others work themselves to the bone for pennies. The anger is about the unfairness of our society and the fact that some jobs are underpaid and undervalued, while others are disproportionately paid. Nobody is saying women should get back in the kitchen! If a man posted about earning a stupid amount of money during a cost of living crisis I expect he would get his arse handed to him as well.

The lengths people go to on here to twist stuff is just so dumb. 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️

Just to add, I'm headed over to Reddit for this one...

@Anxioys 😅 thank you!

Some of the replies on this thread were really getting me down.

MN is overwhelming women. You can safely assume posters are more likely women. And given that, on the threads we are talking about, women posting ‘well my dh earns 6 figures’ don’t get the same amount of shit, I think you can assume it’s because it’s women.

When people post about being a sahp and their husband earns great money. They don’t get the same type of posts.

The cost of living crisis it’s relevant. Because even outside of this some people have always been poor. I have had periods of not being able to find money for meals for myself before. The COL crisis doesn’t mean that no one can have a conversation. People talking about ttc, shouldn’t because due to COL crisis some people can’t afford a child or another child? Even posting about a few days at the caravan? Because some people can’t afford that? No posting about Christmas or Halloween? Or birthdays or anniversaries?

If people were angry about the disparity in society, why would they be angry? Especially when it’s women earning more, especially women that came from normal back grounds, or women of colour (like me) or women that have been abused and rebuilt their lives. Why would that make them angry? That some women have managed to succeed?

Why would they be angry that women are getting into senior leadership positions and into positions where they can impact change within our employer and industry?

And what?

What do you think that comment achieves?

No. Get under the blanket, start economizing on your thoughts of money.

Breathe deeply, and think of scenting your living room appropriately.

@user78262102928

Just out of interest, what salary do you need to earn to be a ‘high earner’?!

C’mon OP, women and public sector workers absolutely cannot be paid more than thruppence a day, you know that!