Why is it every time a high earning woman starts a thread...

[Lentilweaver]

asking for financial or job advice on here, someone comes along to tell her that their salary is 1/40th of hers or some such figure. And some one else comes along to complain about her being tone deaf.

Seen this several times in the last week or so. Didn't comment on the thread because I didn't want to derail the good advice being given, but at the risk of starting a TAAT, I wanted to say: FFS. Let women earn high salaries without being made to feel guilty on a women's site. If you earn a low salary, that's on you. It's not tone deaf to talk about high salaries even in a CoL crisis.

I agree. It’s women who are self made who most need these threads.

Women who come from wealthy families will have access to knowledge and recommended professional support about things like tax and pensions and investments already. As well as social experience of different careers, often some contacts (though IME contacts can no longer offer work experience or a job in big companies). Those who don’t may well ask on MN for support. Why shouldn’t they?

Her husband😂. Mumsnet women love to come on and boast about their husbands higher earning - and very few people call that out.

mThere is also the the depressing child support threads where women are torn to preview or they have good jobs but expect their exe’s to contribute.

and there are always posted who come on to say their ex contributes £5.20 a month and of the poster can’t manage their finances that’s the mothers problem stop moaning:

some women just don’t want other women to have money

It is pure jealousy; either in terms of pure money or the life they could have had if they had done the same.

If you begrudge the success of others, the answer is in you. Ask them how they did or, frankly, get on with your life.

The threads I see are often along the lines of "how will i cope on just £10k a month". That is bound to cause a stir!

Unfortunately all social media dangles some uncomfortable comparisons in front of us. If facebook was anonymous I'm sure we'd be surprised at how many people want us to shut up about our cute kids and lovely holidays!

I'm pretty black and white with this... Sure, there are those raised in difficult situations, but the majority have an equal shot at life in this country. Libraries are free. The Internet now is free. If you want to drink, party, do drugs, scroll on your phone all day, spend time socialising, drop out at 16, not use protection, make conscious decisions to not work or be a house'person", then your prospects are extremely limited.

If others have spent this time hitting the books, being entrepreneurial, working hard, and they succeed, well..

I've yo-yoed in and out of the higher rate tax band in the past couple of years as I've been retraining.

One of the things that I really credit MN in helping me with is delaying having children. If I weren't a member of MN, I'd have probably started trying a year or so after getting married without thinking about it too hard. I'd have probably been too knackered to ask for and earn my first substantial rises. And I almost certainly wouldn't have had the resources to retrain.

Well yes you're right. But I'm just jealous. I don't have the committee or the energy to earn mega bucks but i can still be jealous of anyone who does.

I think it's sad when women are attacked or berated for earning high salaries. We should be cheering each other on, not taking pot shots. Also, it might help low paid women to see that they are underpaid and undervalued in their own work and re-train or seek something better paid. If they can't do that for themselves, perhaps they can steer their DDs in the right direction.

Mind you, i missed the drink partying and doing drugs bit. Must have been too busy trying to work and live and pay the bills. Like most folk. Life isn't either waste your life at 16 or study hard and earn a fortune. Most people fall into the middle bit of trying to earn enough to get by and have a bit of fun whilst you're doing it.

I am definitely not saying that low earners didn't work hard. I am only saying that any high earners who come on asking for advice should not be accused of showing off or being goady or whatever... It's great that women are earning more.

I also find it odd that pp says many posters are just making it up. I know a lot of high earning women, in law, tech, finance... Especially in London. It's really not impossible for women to earn above £100 k.

When I see posts like I don't know, how can I afford to live in London with £120k salary

•you're privileged of you think this is too low to live in London. Bit insulting to the rest of us, are we peasants then?
•you're asking a bunch of people who probably earn less than you for financial advice? Don't you have friends and family in real life to ask? Surely they'd answer better.

I just hide those threads anyway.

What I don't quite get though is people bringing up COL and derailing a thread rather than hiding it.

@ssd
True... most people try to find that happy medium. A pass is a pass. So 100% studying will get you that 'A' but also 90% studying and 10% partying will also get you that 'A'.

The point is that 10% (or whatever it is), can be really debilitating. One conviction, one party before exams, one baby... There are exceptions to success (luck) just as there are exceptions to failure (bad luck), but in general, hard work pays off. It irks me when higher income earners are taxed more. I'm not a 'high' earner (scientists never are lol), but my wife is, and she works DAMN hard. She shouldn't be penalised or made to feel guilty for her success.

I also eye roll when women post about what their husbands do. Literally who cares?

There are lots of people on Mumsnet who earn more than 120k, live in very expensive houses, have significant amounts of capital, and/or lots of financial/legal knowledge. I have sometimes benefitted from advice from these people.

If I were posting about earning more than 120k and not being able to live in London, I'd be looking from advice from people who understood the situation, i.e. rich people. Just as if I were posting about my teenage daughter (I don't have one; nor do I earn 120k!) I would be mostly interested in advice from parents with more experience than me.

Why can't people who don't understand the problem or have no experience of it just bog off and find another thread?

Sorry, I disagree that most people in this country have an equal shot at life. I'm currently looking at secondary schools for my DS. Other children in his class are being sent to private schools, because our local state school has a terrible reputation. I'm taking my DS to church, to try to get him into a better school. It's hard. I work hard, but I cannot send him to private school. Not all schools are equal, so no we don't all have the same chances of doing well in life.

Hate the way lots of posters assume high earning women are lying about their salary. I earn a lot and find it weird that the assumption would be that I am lying.

Also massive pet hate is when the thread is about what women earn/do and posters come on to talk about what their husbands earn/do.

I went to university then law school. I then trained in large firms in London and made partner in my 30s. I then moved in-house to work for a client for a large pay rise. It should not be unbelievable or an obvious lie that I earn over a certain amount.

Eh no. Nobody needs to ask can I survive in London on £120k that's just stupid. People should hide, but equally, the premise is really stupid.

Financial advice is understandable, but even so, I'm surprised people don't have anyone in real life or a financial advisor who can do a better job rather than 100 posters all saying slightly different things, none of which are specific to your situation.

I don't think it's women attacking women.... well it might be, but over the last few years the amount of posts written and commented on by incels have increased ten fold!!

They are subtle and all over Mumsnet. But always always try to make us turn on each other or make it look that way. Diminish any achievements made by women, and always subtly trying to make women look ridiculous.

These posts and comments are usually men

Harsh, but I'm inclined to agree.

I think I'd like a friend like you in my life, I think you'd give me the slap in the face I need sometimes to stop the self pity and get on with things!! 😂😂

See, this is the mistake a lot of people make. They think your destiny is set when you're in school and is based on what grades you get. If they don't get those grades and fulfill the expectations put on them, they start to get demotivated and settle.

Industries like tech don't care what you got in your GCSEs or really whether you went to uni. Qualifications are based on software products and competencies. The school you went to is irrelevant.

We went to a shitty comprehensive with significant social problems. My DB came out with 2 GCSEs. He's now a multi millionaire and I'm a high earner. His kids went to very expensive private school and are struggling to find direction in life. Nothing is set early on, it depends on the motivation of the individual..

Who should I ask?

My mum had no clue. Dad earned decently and paid a lot into a pension so is comfortable in retirement but no idea about investing, working in a corporate setting etc.

Non if my friends are really in a position to be investing, own their own home (so aren’t experienced in mortgages) and so on. I don’t have wealthy friends or family who I would feel comfortable saying ‘I genuinely never thought I would be in a position to invest money or that someone like me would be able to understand it. But now I can and realise it’s not just super wealthy people that invest. Can you help me?’

The only people I know who are very experienced in this sort of thing is other directors or the CEO at work. Honestly, I was so inexperienced I wouldn’t have dared ask the CEO to give me and idiots guide to investing. I would have felt like an idiot because they all seem to know what they are talking about.

i don’t think the idea is to follow everyone’s advice to the letter. But it’s a good starting point. It gives you something to research. Somewhere to start looking.

Not everyone has people they can just talk to and get advice from.

I have had some great advice from MN as a high earner, but I do name change afterwards each time.

In particular, a couple of years ago I was at a bit of a crossroads work wise, with the opportunity for a big rise to an already large salary, but which came with risk and disruption. I just couldn’t decide if the extra money was worth the extra risk. The advice I got was absolutely invaluable, and I fully credit the advice from that thread with my current very happy lifestyle.

Because of how I had, rather badly, worded the OP I also got a lot of posters daydreaming about how they would live on a similar salary, which was lovely 😊

What I didn’t expect was how many posters ridiculed me, and assumed I was making it up. That genuinely surprised me.

I don’t remember any nasty responses though (although yes there were quite a few talking about their husbands 😏).

I assume it’s because lots of people like me live in low wage areas; I literally don’t know anyone woman or man that earns over £60k. So I think there are huge variances over the country.
Sometime people will say their job title and that they are earning £100k+ and I am gobsmacked. How is that job worth five times as much as say a shop assistant?
Then we get into the super ridiculous salaries, like that boss of Nat West who was on £5 million! How on earth can one individual however clever and hard working be worth that? Clearly she wasn’t that bright or she wouldn’t have been sacked.

That has happened to me on Mumsnet quite a few times. Whenever I mention working in a senior corporate role or being ambitious about my career, I am accused of lying.

The assumption is that it is impossible for someone in a senior corporate job to have the time to post on Mumsnet (!) or that if I was really that successful I would feel no need to post or seek advice as surely I would have all the answers.

There is a bizarre idealized view in this forum of people in successful careers. We are still humans, you know?! We don't magically turn into zen gurus with all the answers just because someone gave us a VP job and a big salary

"I'm surprised people don't have anyone in real life or a financial advisor who can do a better job rather than 100 posters all saying slightly different things, none of which are specific to your situation."

One of the best things about Mumsnet is being able to gather views and opinions from loads of different people with different perspectives, experiences, and opinions. It's the hive mind!