Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

How angry: DD(11) walked through village in swimsuit?

435 replies

PSBorNormal · 15/08/2023 20:56

I'm very pissed off, with DD but mainly with the other parent, at the inappropriate-ness of letting a girl walk home from their house in a swimming costume. DH thinks it's hilarious and I'm over reacting.

DD(11) went to a friends house after school today. Friend lives on a farm on the outskirts of the village (1800 inhabitants), on the edge of the forest. They went swimming in their pool and I'd told DD she needed to be home at 6pm. She walked 5 minutes down the side road from the forest (where a lot of dog walkers park, 5 houses) then 10 minutes down one of the two main roads through the village to the centre where we live, wearing only her swimming costume with a towel around her shoulders.

I don't think this is appropriate and told her off for not getting changed.
DH doesn't see an issue with it.

What would your reaction be?

OP posts:
Whatsthepoint1234 · 15/08/2023 21:45

I don’t see the issue, she’s a child and if she was at the swimming pool or beach the general public would see her in her cozzie. My dc (7 and 12) frequently walk through our village in their swimwear to go paddling in the river. When I was a small child we used to strip naked and go paddling in the river near my house and nobody thought anything of it.

Inthetropics · 15/08/2023 21:46

I'd have absolutely no issue with this.

JaninaDuszejko · 15/08/2023 21:46

I wonder how many of the people are saying it's not an issue would walk a mile through their own town in a swimming costume. It's making yourself too vulnerable, it's not the same as at a beach or swimming pool.

There is no point getting mad but explain clearly to your daughter that she should always pull on a dress or onsieover her costume after swimming to walk through the village. She is getting older and if she wants the freedom she needs to know how to minimise unwanted male attention.

To your DH, in private ask him what he does to stop himself getting raped when walking home alone? Would he walk through your village in wet speedos? What would he think if he saw an adult woman walking through the village in a swimming costume? He's thinking of your daughter as an innocent child but you are thinking about how to teach her how to protect herself from teenage boys and men.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

11 year olds Families
Backtothe90splease · 15/08/2023 21:46

Massive, massive over reaction from you. I don't understand why your mind would even go where it has.

GiveOverRover · 15/08/2023 21:47

She walked 5 minutes down the side road from the forest (where a lot of dog walkers park

If anything makes me slightly uncomfortable, yet not more than you being pissed off with your child, it's this. What are you teaching her by being pissed off with her over this?

When I was a similar age the kids on the street had a water fight. I was having the time of my life until my mum stormed into the middle of it and dragged me inside the house, she seemed really pissed off. I couldn't work out what was going on, she muttered something about nipples and told me to get in the shower. I still feel a bit sick thinking about it, and totally ashamed. She was freaking out because my tshirt had gone see through. Her reaction to me now, was completely over the top. It was her shit, and nothing to do with me or the situation. Step back and work out what's at the root of the strong feelings you have about this, how many children wearing swimming costumes or otherwise get snatched from the street near you, and what is the risk of that actually happening, swim suit or not, if that's really your fear? Is it still reasonable to be pissed off with your child?

Hullabalooza · 15/08/2023 21:47

I would be really unhappy with this. It’s not appropriate to walk along the street in a swimsuit and towel. Perhaps the parents hadn’t realised how she was dressed as she left, and your daughter in her innocence didn’t see the problem. I’d try not to be angry with anyone, but to use the incident to discuss wearing something more fitting for walking along normal roads with no pool or beach in sight. Personally the walking home alone bit makes me more uneasy, but maybe that’s just me.

Freddiefox · 15/08/2023 21:48

saraclara · 15/08/2023 21:23

I don't see it as a problem, but I'd probably have suggested that she should pop something over the top next time. I wouldn't be remotely angry with her though.

Wouldn’t you feel more vulnerable walking along the road in a swim suit rather than clothes.

I wouldn’t walk down the road in a swim suit and I wouldn’t be happy with any of my children doing it.

StopStartStop · 15/08/2023 21:49

I live in a small town and girls only a little older than your dd have been out in what look like their tiny vests and knickers today. They looked fine, no problem.

For me the problem would be in the response of sleazy men (ie most of them) to seeing a girl alone, in less than usual clothing. My grandma would have called it 'drawing attention to yourself'. Avoiding drawing attention to yourself is a means of self-defence. As is not being out alone. By being dressed and with others you avoid 'giving men ideas' and leaving yourself vulnerable to attack.

thegirlwithemousyhair · 15/08/2023 21:49

Fgs, its not the swimming pool or the beach. Its near a forest and a village.
What you did 20 or 30 years ago is irrelevant - society is not the same, apparently this is something that needs to be pointed out.

OP, you're right to be concerned. She is vulnerable and its less older men actually that are the problem and more younger males, esp male teens.

thegirlwithemousyhair · 15/08/2023 21:51

Freddiefox: I wouldn’t walk down the road in a swim suit and I wouldn’t be happy with any of my children doing it.
-------

Exactly. This.

Backtothe90splease · 15/08/2023 21:53

What you did 20 or 30 years ago is irrelevant - society is not the same, apparently this is something that needs to be pointed out

Do you think crime is a modern invention?

Fallingthroughclouds · 15/08/2023 21:54

PSBorNormal · 15/08/2023 21:16

Ok. I'm overreacting! I suppose I'm thinking she's making herself vulnerable to unwanted attention. I don't have an issue with her walking home alone. She was wearing shoes. Wearing a swimsuit at the beach or at the pool is rather different to walking through the village wearing one, isn't it?

I wouldn't be angry but I would be concerned. It's all very well people saying stop sexualising your daughter, but people do sexualise 11 year olds, they are vulnerable and I wouldn't want my girl walking through our village like that.

pontipinemum · 15/08/2023 21:56

I wouldn't be angry with her but I would tell her it's not appropriate. But I don't think you are over-reacting. As much as it shouldn't it does make her vulnerable. Wearing a swimsuit on the beach with her parents is a very different situation

Runnerinthenight · 15/08/2023 21:56

I would be uncomfortable with it. I wouldn't be angry but I would advise her not to do it again.

ASGIRC · 15/08/2023 22:00

PurpleButterflyWings · 15/08/2023 21:45

Lots of men WILL look at a pre teen girl dressed in only a bathing suit walking around town though! Incredibly naive to assume they don't!

Show quote history

Theyll also look at her if shes wearing a sweater and jeans! Trust me.

JudgeRudy · 15/08/2023 22:00

PSBorNormal · 15/08/2023 20:56

I'm very pissed off, with DD but mainly with the other parent, at the inappropriate-ness of letting a girl walk home from their house in a swimming costume. DH thinks it's hilarious and I'm over reacting.

DD(11) went to a friends house after school today. Friend lives on a farm on the outskirts of the village (1800 inhabitants), on the edge of the forest. They went swimming in their pool and I'd told DD she needed to be home at 6pm. She walked 5 minutes down the side road from the forest (where a lot of dog walkers park, 5 houses) then 10 minutes down one of the two main roads through the village to the centre where we live, wearing only her swimming costume with a towel around her shoulders.

I don't think this is appropriate and told her off for not getting changed.
DH doesn't see an issue with it.

What would your reaction be?

I wouldn't be too bothered if she wasn't.
If I thought she was deliberately flaunting her body (11 year old bodies can vary so much) for attention I might be annoyed and would verbalise my displeasure but at 11 it's natural that's she's going to start making decisions you disagree with (but arent necessarily wrong).

Wenfy · 15/08/2023 22:05

I think you are underreacting. Boy or girl I’d be living if one of my DC were allowed to walk home alone in what is essentially underwear. You absolutely need to call this parent and give them a piece of your mind. Only an utter prat would allow this.

thegirlwithemousyhair · 15/08/2023 22:05

Backtothe90splease · 15/08/2023 21:53

What you did 20 or 30 years ago is irrelevant - society is not the same, apparently this is something that needs to be pointed out

Do you think crime is a modern invention?

A facile comment. How many serious sexual offenders aged 12 or 13 did you know 20 or 30 years ago ? Probably none. Now increasing numbers are aged 12-17. Most sexual offending is peer on peer by young people. The stereotype of sex offenders as sleazy older men in raincoats or blokes wolf whistling from building sites is outdated.

Mariposista · 15/08/2023 22:06

Are you from a culture where girls are expected not to show their bodies? That might explain it.
If not you need to unclench. I frequently walk from beach to summer house in just a towel after a morning swim.

MyBrownEyedHandsomeBoy · 15/08/2023 22:07

I'm with you OP. I'm surprised at the the many posts of people who wouldn't be bothered by this actually.

It only takes 1 evil, disgusting, monsterous person driving by to notice she was alone, young and vulnerable. And we sadly know there are plenty of those about unfortunately!

I am glad she is home ok OP, I wouldn't scare her with stories so she can't sleep tonight but if it was mine, I would tell her she absolutely mustn't do that again. Or better still, one of you fetch her if you can

Winnipeggy · 15/08/2023 22:08

Are you cross because you think she was cold?

ChiefWiggumsBoy · 15/08/2023 22:08

Mariposista · 15/08/2023 22:06

Are you from a culture where girls are expected not to show their bodies? That might explain it.
If not you need to unclench. I frequently walk from beach to summer house in just a towel after a morning swim.

Is that walking through a village for 10/15 minutes?

Would you walk through the town centre in just your swimsuit?

GiveOverRover · 15/08/2023 22:09

@JudgeRudy

If I thought she was deliberately flaunting her body (11 year old bodies can vary so much) for attention I might be annoyed and would verbalise my displeasure

If you've got an 11 year old girl you believe to be deliberately flaunting her body, whatever the suffering fuck that even means when you're talking about an 11 year old child, then you need to be looking at where she has been failed by you, and what you can do to support her going forward rather than verbalising your displeasure.

Lord have mercy.

Monster80 · 15/08/2023 22:09

No issue. Did she arrive safely?

backoffbuster · 15/08/2023 22:10

@Monkeylimas so swimwear is not ok, and neither is school uniform according to
your experience. So what is ok for a young girl to wear?