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Original poster

How angry: DD(11) walked through village in swimsuit?

435 replies

PSBorNormal · 15/08/2023 20:56

I'm very pissed off, with DD but mainly with the other parent, at the inappropriate-ness of letting a girl walk home from their house in a swimming costume. DH thinks it's hilarious and I'm over reacting.

DD(11) went to a friends house after school today. Friend lives on a farm on the outskirts of the village (1800 inhabitants), on the edge of the forest. They went swimming in their pool and I'd told DD she needed to be home at 6pm. She walked 5 minutes down the side road from the forest (where a lot of dog walkers park, 5 houses) then 10 minutes down one of the two main roads through the village to the centre where we live, wearing only her swimming costume with a towel around her shoulders.

I don't think this is appropriate and told her off for not getting changed.
DH doesn't see an issue with it.

What would your reaction be?

OP posts:
lookingforMolly · 17/08/2023 19:00

However I was also attacked by a 'respectable' doctor when fully covered up in tunic, loose trousers, long coat & trainers.
So when you're female over the age of 0 months you can't win.

DinnaeFashYersel · 17/08/2023 19:02

lookingforMolly · 17/08/2023 18:58

When I was barely 12 I was sexually assaulted by a middle aged male official in plain sight of other people while i was at a swimming gala wearing a swimming costume. Horrible.

How awful. So sorry that happened.

It wasn't caused by what you were wearing.

Medsy · 17/08/2023 19:04

@multisurface
Good for you? 🤷‍♀️

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

11 year olds Families
Mojoj · 17/08/2023 19:07

ZolaBudd · 15/08/2023 21:01

Youre sexualising an 11-year-old. Have a word with yourself.

This. Get a grip.

multisurface · 17/08/2023 19:08

@Medsy what do you want me to say?

Don't ever move to a coastal village. Your pearls will be clutched.

Medsy · 17/08/2023 19:19

@multisurface
I live in a coastal city. People wear clothes here, but appreciate things may be different in a village

multisurface · 17/08/2023 20:20

Medsy · 17/08/2023 19:19

@multisurface
I live in a coastal city. People wear clothes here, but appreciate things may be different in a village

How far are you from the beach?

There is one shop, one pub, and one coffee shop in my village.

I am 30 seconds from the beach.

I walk past the shop on the way home.

Why would I cart more crap to and from the beach?

Darkherds · 18/08/2023 01:27

multisurface · 17/08/2023 20:20

How far are you from the beach?

There is one shop, one pub, and one coffee shop in my village.

I am 30 seconds from the beach.

I walk past the shop on the way home.

Why would I cart more crap to and from the beach?

Show quote history

I think it's quite a different situation if you live 30 seconds from a beach though. That’s not what's being described here. OP's family lives nowhere near a beach so DD or anyone else walking though the village in their swimming costume will stand out.

multisurface · 18/08/2023 08:33

Apart from the fact that I've been called gross?

Darkherds · 18/08/2023 10:00

Pp said it was gross to wear a swimming costume outside of beach or pool @multisurface. Does 30 sec from the beach count? I don't know. I'm sure you are the best judge of the social etiquette local to the seaside village you live in.

But I think as OP lives near a forest, nowhere near a beach, the number of people walking along the road or through the village in swimwear must be pretty close to zero. The social etiquette is different there. It's a completely different situation to the one you're describing. I think gross is the wrong word, especially in this case, but misjudged? Yes. If I were the other parent I'd have given OP's DD a lift or made sure she dressed before she left - but perhaps DD slipped away home without saying she was going?

Shinyandnew1 · 18/08/2023 10:03

I'm very pissed off, with DD but mainly with the other parent

You’re blaming this on another parent?!

Darkherds · 18/08/2023 10:25

Why wouldn't she @Shinyandnew1? Her 11 year old DD was at the other parent's house, in their care, when the incident occured (DD leaving to walk home inadequately dressed).

Honeychickpea · 18/08/2023 13:14

Did DD leave her clothes at the swimming pool house or walk home in her swimwear while careying hee dayclothes? Either seems strange to me.

AnnieSnap · 18/08/2023 16:21

Honeychickpea · 18/08/2023 13:14

Did DD leave her clothes at the swimming pool house or walk home in her swimwear while careying hee dayclothes? Either seems strange to me.

She was carrying her clothes in a bag. I wouldn’t be happy that the other parents didn’t tell her to change 🙄

As for all the posters criticising the OP because they “live near the beach and this common there”. This is not a beach area. The child walked near woodland, then down a main road coming home from a private swimming pool.

ohdamnitjanet · 20/08/2023 09:14

For all those who see no problem would you let your child walk home alone just wearing underwear?

Lorski · 20/08/2023 09:41

PSBorNormal · 15/08/2023 21:16

Ok. I'm overreacting! I suppose I'm thinking she's making herself vulnerable to unwanted attention. I don't have an issue with her walking home alone. She was wearing shoes. Wearing a swimsuit at the beach or at the pool is rather different to walking through the village wearing one, isn't it?

Wow. Is this really the message you want your daughter to grow up with. That she is responsible for other people’s actions. What’s next, banning shorts and crop tops?

Threenow · 20/08/2023 09:46

ohdamnitjanet · 20/08/2023 09:14

For all those who see no problem would you let your child walk home alone just wearing underwear?

This has already been discussed. Swimwear is not underwear, I've never seen people at the local pool in their underwear.

If someone is wearing swimwear at a beach, or a public pool, they can be seen by as many people - probably more - than they can walking down the street.

PrimitivePerson · 20/08/2023 09:59

ohdamnitjanet · 20/08/2023 09:14

For all those who see no problem would you let your child walk home alone just wearing underwear?

Swimsuits and underwear are absolutely not the same things.

MeridaBrave · 20/08/2023 11:50

I agree would be better with clothes on top but not really a big deal. Not worth being annoyed but maybe just say next time put clothes on to come home.

Doone21 · 20/08/2023 16:06

It's not underwear, she's wearing the same cossie she'd wear to beach or public swimming . She's not naked. What on earth are you worried about?

Ladyj84 · 20/08/2023 16:10

Jeez then you wouldn't like the village I live in very common to see kids various ages walking back home in only swim wear when they've been down to the local river

Scottsy200 · 20/08/2023 20:19

I’ll take over reactions for £500 please

HobbyHorse30 · 21/08/2023 07:21

PecanButter50 · 16/08/2023 18:36

The issue is it might make other people especially boys and men uncomfortable. It's about consideration for others. I don't think I would be angry over it, she is only 11, but I would remind her when she goes swimming again to make sure she wearing something over her swimsuit on the way home.

I hope to god this is supposed to be sarcasm

Sayitaintso33 · 21/08/2023 07:29

greenbeansnspinach · 16/08/2023 19:19

If boys and men feel “uncomfortable “ that’s their problem not hers. It’s not her job to look after men’s feelings, or even to give them any consideration.
As for the remarks about being vulnerable- any woman or girl, young, old, dressed in not very much or covered from head to toe, can be targeted by sexual assault.

Her body, her choice
His eyes, his choice
If a man wants to leer at a woman, why can't he? After all it is not his job to look after women's feelings, or even to give them any consideration.

Like everyone else I don't believe men should letch and leer at women let alone 11 eleven year old girls. I just wanted to make the point that if we are going to live together successfully we do have to give each other consideration.

Totaly · 21/08/2023 07:56

It’s always been about consideration for others.

I dress well for work - I respect a bride at a wedding and turn up in a dress and heels - I respect house guests by wearing clothes when they arrive - I respect people in the supermarket and go dressed in jeans and a tshirt - it’s not much to ask of each other is it?