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Original poster

How angry: DD(11) walked through village in swimsuit?

435 replies

PSBorNormal · 15/08/2023 20:56

I'm very pissed off, with DD but mainly with the other parent, at the inappropriate-ness of letting a girl walk home from their house in a swimming costume. DH thinks it's hilarious and I'm over reacting.

DD(11) went to a friends house after school today. Friend lives on a farm on the outskirts of the village (1800 inhabitants), on the edge of the forest. They went swimming in their pool and I'd told DD she needed to be home at 6pm. She walked 5 minutes down the side road from the forest (where a lot of dog walkers park, 5 houses) then 10 minutes down one of the two main roads through the village to the centre where we live, wearing only her swimming costume with a towel around her shoulders.

I don't think this is appropriate and told her off for not getting changed.
DH doesn't see an issue with it.

What would your reaction be?

OP posts:
Wenfy · 15/08/2023 22:10

Mariposista · 15/08/2023 22:06

Are you from a culture where girls are expected not to show their bodies? That might explain it.
If not you need to unclench. I frequently walk from beach to summer house in just a towel after a morning swim.

In all fairness you’re not an 11 yo girl. A girl that age walking home half-naked through a forest and then a rural centre wouldn’t stand a chance

ChiefWiggumsBoy · 15/08/2023 22:10

Interesting how many people are completely disgusted by women going to Tesco in the PJs but a child in a swimsuit is apparently ok?

I mean, your body is covered in both instances, right?

And no one has answered whether they think it would be ok if she had to walk through the town centre to get home?

If you wouldn't like your child out in their underwear why is swimwear ok?

Bunnycat101 · 15/08/2023 22:10

I don’t think you should be angry with her- she didn’t do angering wrong but I wouldn’t have liked it as you described it and I wouldn’t have sent a child home like that to walk home through a forest. Plenty of restaurants have rules for no beach wear etc so it isn’t that typical to be walking around in a swimming costume everywhere even at a hotel resort for example.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

11 year olds Families
TinkerbellefromYorkshire · 15/08/2023 22:11

When we were kids that age ..we loved being out in our costumes in the summer hols.. my kids did it too.. they do it on holiday.. what's the problem? Did someone say something? Was it cold? Raining? Did she have bare feet?

GiveOverRover · 15/08/2023 22:12

TinkerbellefromYorkshire · 15/08/2023 22:11

When we were kids that age ..we loved being out in our costumes in the summer hols.. my kids did it too.. they do it on holiday.. what's the problem? Did someone say something? Was it cold? Raining? Did she have bare feet?

The problem is the hyper sexualisation of young children.

ChiefWiggumsBoy · 15/08/2023 22:12

TinkerbellefromYorkshire · 15/08/2023 22:11

When we were kids that age ..we loved being out in our costumes in the summer hols.. my kids did it too.. they do it on holiday.. what's the problem? Did someone say something? Was it cold? Raining? Did she have bare feet?

On your own? Just out on the street walking from place to place?

Or are you being disingenuous because what you mean is playing out with their pals having a water fight or coming back from someone's house practically next door and not changing?

Backtothe90splease · 15/08/2023 22:15

A facile comment. How many serious sexual offenders aged 12 or 13 did you know 20 or 30 years ago ? Probably none. Now increasing numbers are aged 12-17. Most sexual offending is peer on peer by young people. The stereotype of sex offenders as sleazy older men in raincoats or blokes wolf whistling from building sites is outdated

None of this is remotely related to the OP? Any rise in 'sexual offending' in the 12-17 age group being recorded (key words - being recorded) is to do with technology ie sharing of nudes etc. Absolutely none of which is linked to an 11 year old walking home in a swimsuit.

Be uncomfortable with it all you want, fair enough, but not because you perceive teens as the new type of sexual predators. That is just inaccurate.

Mariposista · 15/08/2023 22:15

ChiefWiggumsBoy · 15/08/2023 22:08

Is that walking through a village for 10/15 minutes?

Would you walk through the town centre in just your swimsuit?

Show quote history

It’s a good 7-10 minutes. Depends if I’m lugging the paddle board too haha
Unclench! Find something worth fussing about.

FabFitFifties · 15/08/2023 22:15

ThirtyThrillionThreeTrees · 15/08/2023 21:19

Very surprised at the responses here. I suspect when the child wears a swimsuit elsewhere she's not unaccompanied.

This is a mum wanting the best for her child and keeping her safe and most of you are saying she's overreacting. I think a conversation with her about why it's important to change clothes would be as bug as deal as I would make about it but I understand your concern.

I agree, it's not sexualising her child, it's safeguarding her. Unfortunately, even in rural areas, there are people who do sexualise children and prey upon them.

Susannainblue · 15/08/2023 22:17

Ours always walked back from sea swimming in swimsuits or sometimes board shorts and a rashie. Passing houses and along a road. Worst thing that happened was one of them got an awful infected rash from the chub rub and salt water🙈
I don't see the issue, why on earth would you be angry with her?

Backtothe90splease · 15/08/2023 22:18

In all fairness you’re not an 11 yo girl. A girl that age walking home half-naked through a forest and then a rural centre wouldn’t stand a chance

Wouldn't stand a chance of what? Getting home unscathed? Because...she did. Also how would clothes magically protect her? Shorts and t-shirt chucked on over a swimsuit would scare off a child rapist who happened to be prowling the woods at that exact moment?

ActDottie · 15/08/2023 22:18

Total non event

ChiefWiggumsBoy · 15/08/2023 22:19

Mariposista · 15/08/2023 22:15

It’s a good 7-10 minutes. Depends if I’m lugging the paddle board too haha
Unclench! Find something worth fussing about.

Show quote history

So you wouldn't walk through the town centre for ten minutes in just your swimsuit? I mean, I wouldn't. I don't think that makes me abnormal. I'm not 'fussing' but nice way of trying to divert attention from your non-answer!

Having never seen a grown woman tooling about town in just a swimsuit I think you're bending the truth massively.

Talkwhilstyouwalk · 15/08/2023 22:19

I wouldn't be pleased about this either and I wouldn't let a child walk home like that.

socialdilemmawhattodo · 15/08/2023 22:20

I haven't read the thread all through. But the 1st few posts are not OK. I was your DD when I was about 10/11. We were holidaying in France in the mid-70's - camping near a beach. My parents let me walk back on my own to the campsite to collect something - I was sensible they trusted me. Approx a 10 min walk. I was developing but not glamorous at all. So not a leggy blonde. I was sexually harassed by a sole male driver. Not assaulted. I knew the man was trouble and ran off. I now know I was lucky nothing worse happened. I don't blame my parents at all. It should have been OK. And partly my childhood - which wasnt very relaxed - but I still had a childhood - is why I dont blame the McC's as much as many on here do.

So your DD - should she cover up? Is it wise for her to cover up? It's not slut shaming. At all. But she needs to understand that not everyone is nice or friendly or kind. Strong unpleasant lesson. But you AND your DH do need to talk to her and your other DC. Hope you work it out.

Talkwhilstyouwalk · 15/08/2023 22:23

BarbaraofSeville · 15/08/2023 21:41

Have you seen what tweens/teens are wearing these days? Every last one of them seems to be wearing hot pants and crop tops, so a swimming costume is barely any different anyway.

Yep, and I don't let my dd (7) year old go out in crop tops either....

Susannainblue · 15/08/2023 22:23

It only takes 1 evil, disgusting, monsterous person driving by to notice she was alone, young and vulnerable. And we sadly know there are plenty of those about unfortunately

The risk there is about the young girl being alone, it wouldn't matter what she was wearing. Men don't attack and rape because of a clothing choice.

Sceptre86 · 15/08/2023 22:24

Why couldn't she have put clothes on? Have you asked her?

Poundfoolishpennywise · 15/08/2023 22:24

I don’t understand the responses you have received on here (haven’t read every post) - I would feel exactly the same as you, OP! I don’t think it’s dignified at her age anyway, especially if she has started puberty, but safety would be my main concern. There are some real sickos out there. How can anyone think that it’s acceptable for a pre-teen girl to be walking along main roads in a swimsuit?!

PurpleButterflyWings · 15/08/2023 22:24

ASGIRC · 15/08/2023 22:00

Theyll also look at her if shes wearing a sweater and jeans! Trust me.

Show quote history

You don't think men will leer and letch more if a young girl almost in her teens is in a swimming costume than if she's in jeans and a sweater?!

REALLY?! Hmm

You are seriously deluded if you really believe this!

Rocketpants50 · 15/08/2023 22:24

No issue here - teen walked back from beach in costume today.

MCOut · 15/08/2023 22:24

I wouldn’t be happy with this OP. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to protect your child. The reality is that there are awful men out there, but don’t be harsh with her. She’s young so she won’t be aware of that danger.

KnittedCardi · 15/08/2023 22:25

BarbaraofSeville · 15/08/2023 21:41

Have you seen what tweens/teens are wearing these days? Every last one of them seems to be wearing hot pants and crop tops, so a swimming costume is barely any different anyway.

Quite. A trip to the local coop on a hot day will always be full of young girls in bikini tops and short shorts.

GiveOverRover · 15/08/2023 22:26

FabFitFifties · 15/08/2023 22:15

I agree, it's not sexualising her child, it's safeguarding her. Unfortunately, even in rural areas, there are people who do sexualise children and prey upon them.

Show quote history

What clothes might prevent these rural preying individuals from preying? Are we talking shorts and a sun top? Dress? Do we need jeans and an anorak? A blaclava perhaps? Where are we going here?

It's not about the clothes... surely we know that by now? We are not bringing it upon ourselves or asking for it if we don't wear the "right" clothes. It's a trap we fall into that makes us feel that if we can only wear the right thing, walk the right way home, we can stop it, which is absolute bullshit. Ask anyone that's been sexually assulted by a random.

ASGIRC · 15/08/2023 22:27

PurpleButterflyWings · 15/08/2023 22:24

You don't think men will leer and letch more if a young girl almost in her teens is in a swimming costume than if she's in jeans and a sweater?!

REALLY?! Hmm

You are seriously deluded if you really believe this!

Show quote history

Im not deluded at all. But I also know that if she was wearing short and a vest, it would be virtually no different from wearing a swimming costume, and also that wearing jeans and a sweater does not prevent leering and letching.