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Original poster

How angry: DD(11) walked through village in swimsuit?

435 replies

PSBorNormal · 15/08/2023 20:56

I'm very pissed off, with DD but mainly with the other parent, at the inappropriate-ness of letting a girl walk home from their house in a swimming costume. DH thinks it's hilarious and I'm over reacting.

DD(11) went to a friends house after school today. Friend lives on a farm on the outskirts of the village (1800 inhabitants), on the edge of the forest. They went swimming in their pool and I'd told DD she needed to be home at 6pm. She walked 5 minutes down the side road from the forest (where a lot of dog walkers park, 5 houses) then 10 minutes down one of the two main roads through the village to the centre where we live, wearing only her swimming costume with a towel around her shoulders.

I don't think this is appropriate and told her off for not getting changed.
DH doesn't see an issue with it.

What would your reaction be?

OP posts:
maybebalancing · 15/08/2023 21:26

Buy her a dry robe. She will then be warm and covered.
If people are thinking sexual thoughts about an 11 year old I don't think what they are wearing is going to make much difference though.
Although my dc would feel self-conscious with just a towel if everyone else was wearing clothes around them.

Missingmyusername · 15/08/2023 21:30

“If I lived somewhere in a community of 100 people “ Where does it say 100 people?

Good luck reporting that to the police! I’m sure they’d be really interested. 🙄

BelleShazzasFeast · 15/08/2023 21:30

I wouldn't be angry, but I wouldn't be very keen. If one of my DD's friends had been here at that age and had proposed to walk home in a swimsuit, I'd have told her to put something on over the top of it. I wouldn't be very pleased if my DD had appeared clad only in a swimsuit, either.

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fdgdfgdfgdfg · 15/08/2023 21:31

Really OP? You think some weirdo is going to see your daughter and think, "Oh no, I won't sexually assualt this girl because she's not wearing a swimming costume"

In the extremely unlikely world where something happens to your daughter, it'll have nothing to do with what she's wearing.

Stop trying to "slut shame" your own child for fucks sake.

Cucucucu · 15/08/2023 21:33

Drama llama !! I don’t see a massive issue . Get her a beach cover up maybe or one of those towel ponchos . But I think you are making a fuss where one doesn’t need to existe

Janiie · 15/08/2023 21:33

Wexone · 15/08/2023 21:23

I live across the road from a beach. I have seen hundreds of people walk past my gate in their swimsuits this summmer so far. all ages and sex. it doesn't bother me nor the people. some have towels some have dry robes or just in their swim wear. I don't really care.

It's context isn't it. Of course you see people in beach wear by the actual beach but we didn't walk home in our cozzies do we and nor should an 11yr old.

I'd tell her to put clothes on next time op, totally understand your concerns. I'm surprised the other parent didn't give her a lift home tbh.

ittakes2 · 15/08/2023 21:34

She was dressed like that because of her innocence and you have just body shamed her. I agree I would have preferred she was wearing clothes...but what I think I would have hopefully done is wait until the next time she went for a swim and said can you throw a dress over your swimmers on the way home tonight.

PurpleButterflyWings · 15/08/2023 21:36

I know the consensus is YABU, but I would have been a bit pissed off by this too @PSBorNormal But I can't explain why. Just something a bit off about it.

Wexone · 15/08/2023 21:36

Janiie · 15/08/2023 21:33

It's context isn't it. Of course you see people in beach wear by the actual beach but we didn't walk home in our cozzies do we and nor should an 11yr old.

I'd tell her to put clothes on next time op, totally understand your concerns. I'm surprised the other parent didn't give her a lift home tbh.

Show quote history

no but alot are walking to the housing estates behind me..some can be about 15 mins or more walk to get too. you often see people walking from the beach to the top of the town in swimsuits dry robes towels wrapped around them no one bats an eyelid. as its so common here

Janiie · 15/08/2023 21:37

ittakes2 · 15/08/2023 21:34

She was dressed like that because of her innocence and you have just body shamed her. I agree I would have preferred she was wearing clothes...but what I think I would have hopefully done is wait until the next time she went for a swim and said can you throw a dress over your swimmers on the way home tonight.

Honestly some of the ott responses Confused

The op isn't 'shaming' her dd, rather pointing out swimwear is ok by beaches and pools but not to walk home in alone.

PurpleButterflyWings · 15/08/2023 21:38

Fifireee · 15/08/2023 21:24

Why was this in 1846?

Where do you live Meryton?

Was Lady Bracknell there hiding behind her handbag in horror?

🙄

Soontobe60 · 15/08/2023 21:38

I wouldn’t be best pleased. She ISN’T at the beach or a public swimming pool. Would those of you who said this think it was ok to pop into Tesco or the library or the GP in your cozzie?
There’s a time and a place. This was not the place to be wearing swimwear in public.

PurpleButterflyWings · 15/08/2023 21:39

ittakes2 · 15/08/2023 21:34

She was dressed like that because of her innocence and you have just body shamed her. I agree I would have preferred she was wearing clothes...but what I think I would have hopefully done is wait until the next time she went for a swim and said can you throw a dress over your swimmers on the way home tonight.

Don't be so over dramatic OP has not bodyshamed her daughter at all. Good grief! Hmm

ASGIRC · 15/08/2023 21:39

Let me tell you OP, unwanted attention happens when you are fully dressed as well!
I have had unwanted attention from men cat calling when I was wearing, I kid you not, overalls and a very large Iron Maiden tshirt!

I do not (and have not, even when I was younger) had more attention for wearing only a swimming suit, than it I was wearing a top and a skirt.

So while I get your concern, it is misplaced, because it is not what she is wearing that is the problem.

thegirlwithemousyhair · 15/08/2023 21:40

Suffice to say from the job that I do that I KNOW that you are not overreacting. Some on here are saying they'd walk through their village in a swimsuit. Really. Their idea of a village is something out of the 1950s. I live in a village and I certainly wouldn't walk about in a swimsuit even in the middle of summer so that's twaddle. This isnt a holiday camp or the beach we're talking about so thats irrelevant. Sorry to disillusion you all but most harrassment and sexual offending is committed by young people on young people not men in long raincoats...

Mumof2teens79 · 15/08/2023 21:40

What does she wear on the beach?

I think at 11 it's fine. If she was an older teen/adult then I might agree slightly inappropriate....I don't think you should go to tesco like that for example.
But really what harm is there?

Differentstarts · 15/08/2023 21:40

Yanbu I wouldn't be happy either. I wouldn't tell her off but I would have a chat about why it's not ok to do and tell her in the future to get dressed first

Soontobe60 · 15/08/2023 21:41

fdgdfgdfgdfg · 15/08/2023 21:31

Really OP? You think some weirdo is going to see your daughter and think, "Oh no, I won't sexually assualt this girl because she's not wearing a swimming costume"

In the extremely unlikely world where something happens to your daughter, it'll have nothing to do with what she's wearing.

Stop trying to "slut shame" your own child for fucks sake.

The OP did no such thing!
So you’d be fine in your child only wearing swimwear to go to school, the shops or a football match in? Do YOU walk round in your swimwear away from a beach, swimming pool or resort? If you do, you’re weird.

ChiefWiggumsBoy · 15/08/2023 21:41

I'm quite surprised at all the 'it's not a problem' comments.

When does it become an issue?

For example, I don't live in a village, I live in a city. Is it ok for my (hypothetical) daughter to walk through the town centre for ten minutes in her swimsuit? If it's ok to walk through town, then why not on a bus?

As an aside, at 11 I was through puberty and already inviting comment from disgusting men. Not my fault, but I suspect my mum would have been slightly aghast at me wearing just a swimsuit when out and about.

BarbaraofSeville · 15/08/2023 21:41

Have you seen what tweens/teens are wearing these days? Every last one of them seems to be wearing hot pants and crop tops, so a swimming costume is barely any different anyway.

katepilar · 15/08/2023 21:42

Even if you are not happy that she walked wrapped in a towel through village you shouldnt tell her off. You explain what you consider appropriate to her.
I dont see why its a problem for you though.

ASGIRC · 15/08/2023 21:43

Soontobe60 · 15/08/2023 21:41

The OP did no such thing!
So you’d be fine in your child only wearing swimwear to go to school, the shops or a football match in? Do YOU walk round in your swimwear away from a beach, swimming pool or resort? If you do, you’re weird.

Show quote history

Lots of men do!
I dont think it is appropriate, but they do.
However, I wouldnt bat an eyelid at someone with a swimming costume one and just some shorts on. To be fair, so many tops these days are barely more than bras, and they are perfectly acceptable, I really dont see the difference.

ChiefWiggumsBoy · 15/08/2023 21:44

BarbaraofSeville · 15/08/2023 21:41

Have you seen what tweens/teens are wearing these days? Every last one of them seems to be wearing hot pants and crop tops, so a swimming costume is barely any different anyway.

I guess by that logic no one should have an issue with a child wearing just their knickers to walk around town if they're hot?

Like it or not, we're not a naked society.

thegirlwithemousyhair · 15/08/2023 21:44

Lots of men do?

We're not talking about adult men. We're talking about an 11 YO so not remotely comparable.

PurpleButterflyWings · 15/08/2023 21:45

ASGIRC · 15/08/2023 21:43

Lots of men do!
I dont think it is appropriate, but they do.
However, I wouldnt bat an eyelid at someone with a swimming costume one and just some shorts on. To be fair, so many tops these days are barely more than bras, and they are perfectly acceptable, I really dont see the difference.

Show quote history

Lots of men WILL look at a pre teen girl dressed in only a bathing suit walking around town though! Incredibly naive to assume they don't!