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Original poster

How angry: DD(11) walked through village in swimsuit?

435 replies

PSBorNormal · 15/08/2023 20:56

I'm very pissed off, with DD but mainly with the other parent, at the inappropriate-ness of letting a girl walk home from their house in a swimming costume. DH thinks it's hilarious and I'm over reacting.

DD(11) went to a friends house after school today. Friend lives on a farm on the outskirts of the village (1800 inhabitants), on the edge of the forest. They went swimming in their pool and I'd told DD she needed to be home at 6pm. She walked 5 minutes down the side road from the forest (where a lot of dog walkers park, 5 houses) then 10 minutes down one of the two main roads through the village to the centre where we live, wearing only her swimming costume with a towel around her shoulders.

I don't think this is appropriate and told her off for not getting changed.
DH doesn't see an issue with it.

What would your reaction be?

OP posts:
WunWun · 15/08/2023 21:15

Do you imagine stuff like that only happens in London? Ridiculous.

I grew up in a semi rural area and remember one occasion a guy in a van stopped and tried to talk to me as I was walking home from a stables down a road with fields either side (age about 12/13). I ran back and he didn't follow, but it scared the life out of me

Mum2jenny · 15/08/2023 21:15

I wouldn’t care. She was dressed as she would be on a beach. What’s the issue?

Mydustymonstera · 15/08/2023 21:16

I have an 11 year old and would be really unhappy about this. I also wouldn’t walk about on a street in my swimming costume myself!! My 11 yr old looks much older which doesn’t help but that’s almost irrelevant. It’s about modelling appropriate behaviour to different situations. I would throw a dress on or shorts, or at least wear a sarong and I would expect my children would I do similar. Even as toddlers actually!!

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Drywhitefruitycidergin · 15/08/2023 21:16

Was she wearing shoes? If so no issue as long as it was warm enough.

Original poster
PSBorNormal · 15/08/2023 21:16

Ok. I'm overreacting! I suppose I'm thinking she's making herself vulnerable to unwanted attention. I don't have an issue with her walking home alone. She was wearing shoes. Wearing a swimsuit at the beach or at the pool is rather different to walking through the village wearing one, isn't it?

OP posts:
Mydustymonstera · 15/08/2023 21:16

You are totally not overreacting!

Stressed2023 · 15/08/2023 21:17

I don’t understand what the problem is? The costume? Walking alone? Her forgetting her clothes?

Original poster
PSBorNormal · 15/08/2023 21:17

She didn't forget her clothes, they were in her bag.

OP posts:
Hmmthatsgoodchicken · 15/08/2023 21:18

DD (14) does this all the time if she's been wild swimming. Swimming costume on, towel round her shoulders and flip flops.

ThirtyThrillionThreeTrees · 15/08/2023 21:19

Very surprised at the responses here. I suspect when the child wears a swimsuit elsewhere she's not unaccompanied.

This is a mum wanting the best for her child and keeping her safe and most of you are saying she's overreacting. I think a conversation with her about why it's important to change clothes would be as bug as deal as I would make about it but I understand your concern.

Inowseeyourtruecolorsandredflagswhattookmesolong · 15/08/2023 21:20

Och, for goodness sake, she was clothed, right?

SunsetCurtain · 15/08/2023 21:21

I don't think anyone is at fault here but perhaps have a conversation with your DD about safety?
It absolutely shouldn't be a factor, but sadly it is and there are men who would see a girl in a swimming suit and use that as an excuse to make lewd comments or worse.
She shouldn't have to dress in a certain way to reduce her risk, but unfortunately she does increase her chances by being in public in exposing clothing.

TookTheBook · 15/08/2023 21:21

She's making herself vulnerable?!

I question this kind of attitude. So OP if she'd received unsavoury attention from idiot men, it would have been her own doing by your reasoning?

Original poster
PSBorNormal · 15/08/2023 21:21

I suspect when the child wears a swimsuit elsewhere she's not unaccompanied.
That is true, she'd either be with DH, me or GP's. Or with school.

OP posts:
BabbleBee · 15/08/2023 21:22

How does being in a swimming costume make her any more vulnerable than being in a vest top and shorts?

saraclara · 15/08/2023 21:23

I don't see it as a problem, but I'd probably have suggested that she should pop something over the top next time. I wouldn't be remotely angry with her though.

Missingmyusername · 15/08/2023 21:23

I’d be angry too. Walking alone isn’t great. Walking home in a swimsuit is guaranteed to result in unwanted attention. She’s 11, I’m not sure how she would even handle any inappropriate comments.

Wexone · 15/08/2023 21:23

I live across the road from a beach. I have seen hundreds of people walk past my gate in their swimsuits this summmer so far. all ages and sex. it doesn't bother me nor the people. some have towels some have dry robes or just in their swim wear. I don't really care.

Mumwithbaggage · 15/08/2023 21:24

I live very rurally and have 4 now grown up children. Swimsuit no issue, walking home alone absolutely an issue. Would obviously prefer they put clothes back on over but the home alone in a secluded area? Absolutely not.

Blinkingbonkers · 15/08/2023 21:24

Yep, you need to calm down.

Monkeylimas · 15/08/2023 21:24

After the amount of beeps from men (presumably adults as they were driving cars and vans) I used to get aged 12/13 plus in my SCHOOL UNIFORM I would not be happy with this. I remember over 40 beeps and leery comments out of car/van windows one summer day (4pm) walking from the bus stop, it was approx a 1.5 mile walk and I was 13. Yes I counted. I was obviously young as most sixth form schools didn’t have a uniform policy where I lived. That suggests it’s not all men but far too many men who stare at young girls.

It should be fine to do what she did, of course she should be safe and not perved at but sadly experience has told me it’s not fine.

Fifireee · 15/08/2023 21:24

Why was this in 1846?

Where do you live Meryton?

Was Lady Bracknell there hiding behind her handbag in horror?

Original poster
PSBorNormal · 15/08/2023 21:25

@TookTheBook absolutely not. However, then there is reality where we do have to have an awareness of trying to make sure we're as safe as possible.

OP posts:
Goldbar · 15/08/2023 21:26

I wouldn't be angry but I'd buy her a wearable towel so she has something to slip on next time - it would probably be more comfortable for her as well.

JaniceBattersby · 15/08/2023 21:26

Missingmyusername · 15/08/2023 21:23

I’d be angry too. Walking alone isn’t great. Walking home in a swimsuit is guaranteed to result in unwanted attention. She’s 11, I’m not sure how she would even handle any inappropriate comments.

If I lived somewhere in a community of 100 people where an 11-year-old girl was ‘guaranteed’ to be faced with inappropriate comments from paedophiles, I’d definitely move.

OP if your daughter receives ‘unwanted attention’ as an eleven year old you should report those men who are giving her that attention to the police.